Birdie!

I am no longer submitting new posts here. Please mosey on over to www.marsupiallingerie.blogspot.com

Yours in Christ, Satan, and Friendship,
BK
August 2011

Me gusta Carlos Estevez.

Not on his tv show. That show blows. In regard to his addiction(s.)

Charlie Sheen has been partying for twenty-five years, at least. He is not dead. He never killed anyone(though he did shoot Kelly Preston, who is a horrible actress.) He pays for sex, and has a taste for the bimbo-iest of porn stars. He is unapologetic about his hedonistic pursuits when they come to light in the press.

What I love about Charlie Sheen is that he doesn't place blame or make excuses for his indulgences.

A while back, I came to believe I was an alcoholic.

Wrecked my car. Could've killed a busload of people on their way to a Breast Cancer 5k. Luckily, I didn't.

When you get a DUI(pronounced "Dewey" by cool people) the state of PA sends you to a course that doesn't help you stop drinking. It helps you not to get another DUI. At the end of the two day course, they hand out a little pamphlet on AA. It's not required, but I went.

AA is a load of shit. Besides its religious bent, it advocates total abstinence, which is not an option for me, in regard to anything I do, ever. So I listen to a bunch of folks talk about how the Program has saved them. It hasn't. They are still unhealthy in their mindsets, they've just replaced one substance with another, and will continue to do so perpetually, between booze and Christ, as AA has a single-digit success rate.

I will never be a recovering alcoholic. What I am, is a man who has learned to be smarter about drinking. I still get totally wasted about once a month, I just don't get into bar fights or crash cars anymore. Because I developed a set of rules.

Millions of party hounds do. You wouldn't know us unless we told you.

If you do something, want to do more of something, or want to add another something to the something you're doing, educate yourself. People die because they're stupid, not because of addiction.

Addiction is an excuse. A crutch. Stupidity is the killer.

I love this interview for those reasons.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5aSa4tmVNM

I am smiling.

Figured I'd post some words on up, as I've got about 40 minutes until NBC's stellar Thursday night comedy lineup. Except for that show about the Indian call center. The writing is pathetic.

So, what did I do today?

I woke up at a quarter after eight, but lay in bed, in hope of falling asleep again. It was a futile effort, as my body is programmed/used to waking up at three-thirty in the morning. It just doesn't seem to like sleeping in.

Tried to drop off some mail for the former owner of my home at his new place, but believe I might have the place wrong, as I did not find his name on the directory. Although it is possible that he died. I don't think so though. He was a spry old fellow as I remember him, but it's conceivable. I'll try a few other places tomorrow. Maybe.

Went to breakfast. I rarely eat "breakfasty" type foods, and rarer still go out for breakfast in the traditional sense. I mean, I eat a lot of pancakes at that weird time when one is drunk, and not sure if it's really late, really early, or both. Today however, was pure old-school breakfast enjoyment. Banana pancakes, straight up. They were good, and the bananas were diced squarely, and dropped in to the cakes just as they were about done cooking, which was interesting to my palate.

Since I'm flush with cash and have four days off, I went and bought some paint. I plan to paint tomorrow, as I have a hell of a cold and am not keen on inhaling paint fumes on and off while my nose gets stuffy after I've blown it yet again.

So then I went and bought a couple of flicks. Moon, with Sam Rockwell, was really interesting. It dealt with being isolated, and having to rely on the reality presented to you, as opposed to actual reality. Check it out.

Oh yeah. While I was at Lowes I began planning for a solar shade to bring out to the Burn this year. It will be framed with pvc pipe and I'm trying to find a light fabric to install grommets into to use as the actual shade. Finding something with the right area, weight, and price is proving problematic, so it looks like I'll have to journey to the internet to acquire it.

RV show in PGH this weekend. Stoked on it, as I may get some leads the aforementioned fabric and maybe even score a deal on a rig. I've lost three eBay auctions in as many weeks, and it's aggravating, but my persistence and thrift WILL pay off! The rig I'm looking for is somewhat small, like a really big, nice conversion van, which makes it somewhat rare. I may still buy an Eighties era VW bus if I can find one at a decent price, which won't happen. Even the rust buckets are ridiculous, as "coolness" is a huge selling point with them. Shame, too, because they are really well designed. I may have to re-learn how to drive a Standard in order to broaden my choices.

Sweatpants are the best! -BK

Fuck me walking at a moderate pace!

I'm baaaack! Did jew miss me?

After a prolonged and unproductive absence, I've decided to return to the world of blogging again.

"Why oh why, noble BK, did you refrain from sharing the mundane and trivial aspects of your daily comings, almost comings, and goings with us for so long?" you ask, if you're a voice in my head.

Well.... Like nuclear physics, ballooning, and the female mind, it's complicated. List form, shall we?

1. Facebook. I became brutally, head over heels, Heroin junky-esque addicted to FB in the past year. I adored(more soon) the pretty much instant creative input/output FB offered me. I was on day and night, updating my status several times a day, often almost hourly, and it was becoming more and more "hollow." In fact, it was hollowing me out a bit. I wasn't riding nearly as much, going to shows, or enjoying life out among the folks I associate with. Facebook had imprisoned me, which is why I withdrew my profile on New Year's Eve and have given myself a six month moratorium from the Zuckerberg prison. Will I survive? What will be left of me? Time, as it has it's way of always doing, will tell. It was NOT a "New Year's Resolution" to quit FB, as anyone who even somewhat knows me knows I don't believe or participate in such folly.

b. I was/am/am not writing privately. Long form, non-comedic, etc.

III It was all Facebook.

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So what was my 2010 like?

In short, really good. Like "best summer evah" good.

I saw a TON of shows this summer. Both local and national/international acts, in all sorts of dirty bars and megastadiums. Highlights where Slayer, The Smashing Pumpkins, Iron Maiden, and Muse, in no particular order. All those shows were memorable and a lot of fun.

I didn't drink. As much. Work schedule and some sort of self improvement plan attributed to the "success" of this.

I worked a lot in 2010. Before taxes, I made a bit over 50k, which is a new personal best, and something I don't desire(or need) to repeat anytime soon.

Burning Man. My second journey to the playa and far superior to my first time. Burning Man is hard, if not impossible, to explain to a layperson, but suffice to say, if you are a freethinker/freespirit, and like to be immersed in something as opposed to watching, Burning Man may be for you. No matter what your scene is, there is somebody out there who is your mirror image, and you are virtually guaranteed to have a good time. If you let yourself.

In the recentness, I'm scouring the internet for my very own recreational vehicle. Given my track record with automobiles, I'm gonna have a lot of "adventures" and the stories to go with them. I'm tired of paying for hotel rooms, meals, and car rentals when I go on trips, and the acquisition of an rv should severely curtail this expenses. At least until the rv breaks down somewhere, which, again, given my automotive track record, is a virtual certainty.

Still vegetarian, in case anyone was curious or cared.

So that's about it for now.

Keep the ass end off the ground and you should be just fine,
BK

Hard to believe little Elian is 16 now.

I've been having some sort of bout with food poisoning, so I called in sick and spent the day watching the entire second season of Breaking Bad on DVD. For those unfamiliar, it's about a terribly average man who turns to producing and selling crystal meth after a terminal cancer diagnosis. It has a striking similarity to The Godfather in that it focuses on temptation, family, and downfall. The series is ongoing, and you get the feeling that no matter how things end for the characters, they will end badly. It's really fantastic television, and if there's one thing Ol' Ben knows, it's television.

If there's two things Ol' Ben knows, it's television and drugs. The show got me thinking. Thinking about where I've been in my life, and where I might be again someday.

I have used drugs. I've dabbled in everything under the sun, with the notable exception of heroin. Not because I was scared of it, but at the time I was a-dabblin' heroin simply was not readily available.

The only drug I've ever felt an immediate, 1940's noir film connection/addiction to is/was cocaine. I did a bump(like off of a fingernail) at a party in my teenage years and instantaneously felt a deep desire to do more of it, like, NOW! So I didn't do anymore for about a year, and then had a brief, but fun, three month long fling with the Yayo at twenty. I've done it a few times since then, and have always restrained myself.

Coincidentally, if any work friends/enemies are reading this, I've been clean for 4 years. Feel free to ask for a urine sample, which I will gladly provide. On your face.

That being said, I choose not to use "drugs" because I value my job and the lifestyle it affords me. There are millions of drug users in America. Millions. They are people who can balance risk and reward. You and I do not know them. Most likely, we never will, although they work beside us, represent us at trials, and perform medical procedures upon us.

More millions get get their fixes via prescribed medicine, which is the same thing as a joint or two a week, in my opinion.

We know the drug users who are weak. Their weakness is not "from" or "because" of drug use. It's their character and lack of decision-making ability. It's the fault of their influences, notably, their parents.

My parents never used drugs(well, not around me, at least) but I did. I'd like to think the fact I was able to do it "smartly" is a testament to their skills.

I'm not saying drugs should be legalized, but I do believe in decriminalization/taxation of most narcotics. Like alcohol, what the majority of users do smartly, on their own time, in relative private, is none of the government's business, and frankly, none of "Joe Sixpack's" either.

-----

In other news, I did comedy last week. Twice in one night, actually. I felt soooo good to be back on the stage again, with new, funny, material. Like a creative weight being lifted from my shoulders.

In more other news, the house is moving along. I hope the summer will allow me to do some insulating, floor stripping and refinishing, and window replacement. My Dremel tool is an amazing piece of hardware that I'm always find a new application for it. I'm also becoming quite a passable plumber, electrician, and landscaper. I am working on my carpentry skills, which thankfully, I wont be needing until I redo my kitchen, which is a year or ten off.

I do need to get some art for the place though. The still unpainted walls are bare. I never bought art when I apartment-dwelled, and that will change. Shortly.

No videos today. Computer runnin' slow off the stolen WiFi signal, so be content in knowing that I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional, a band I adored in high school.

"You're serious?! You don't know who "The Cure" are?!"-BK

Store Closing! Big Sale!

I don't really like the idea of "Big" government, but I crossed lines and supported the Healthcare Bill. Although I have private insurance, a lot of my friends, people in their mid-twenties with practically no money, don't. These are people who wait tables, work construction or in retail, and generally provide a backbone that strengthens the economy. They deserve coverage, flawed as it may be. I think the real villian in all of this is not the politicians, or even the undeniably evil insurance companies(they make money from prolonging suffering, not ending it). It's Americans. We live like shit, and we need to kill our problems at the root, not "prune or trim" them, so to speak. We need a cultural revolution the likes of which has never been seen. It's fucking impossible, but as a country and a culture, America needs to try.

In a rare attempt at self-improvement, I actually actively sought a management position with Southwest. I pulled out all the stops. I bought a suit, got a haircut, fired out a really impressive resume with references I tracked down and called to let them know, had a GREAT interview, etc.. I didn't get the position, and I was crushed. Pretty close to devastated, actually. It sucked, but the vast majority of my Coworkers let me know that they were rooting for me, and would've really liked to have me as their boss. That made me feel appreciated in a way I haven't felt in a long time. So I have that. I don't think I'll be applying for another position at my current work location. I'm not going into details about the reason(s) I was given for not being hired, but suffice to say, it was a lot of political bullshit that has severely shaken my perception of "Upper Management" types. I now know why so many white collar folks are so jaded and miserable in their work environments, and the bitter taste in my mouth fades, but never really goes away.

So this is a band I'm "coming around" on: Breaking Benjamin. I was mostly just familiar with them in passing, i.e. I listened to them on my car radio when they were on. Thing is, I never really "listen" to music when I'm driving. Sure it's audible, I'm hearing it, but I'm very rarely really "feeling" the lyrics and composition. I think these guys, while unarguably generic sounding, are pretty decent songwriters, and the his lyrics are actually above average. I was recently dragged, kicking and screaming, to one of their shows and was actually surprised at just how good of a live band they are, and how devoted their fans are. I think I hated this band for a while mostly because their lead singer looks like he should work at a bank.



I actually wasn't even aware they sang this song, but it's a favorite of mine. I love this song!


I'm actually listening to Wolfmother and Tori Amos as I write this, so I haven't gone totally generic and soulless.

Housing prospects for Cooper are looking up. I'm really hoping to have him somewhere "better" in less than a month. He deserves more stability than I can give him, and I deserve to have to vacuum less.

Comedy, or lack thereof. I'm actually writing again, which is something I'm extremely happy I've been able to do. It was extremely hard to write things I found "worthy" for a long time, so I'm glad to be making progress on that front. I'd like to get back out and make people laugh/be offended with the material, but I find "the scene" so much like high school these days it's retarded. Maybe I should get drunk before I go, make up a good excuse as to why I have to go up(and leave) early, and leave while the applause is roaring. Too many of these comics do not understand what a punchline is. They just ramble. I do that sometimes, but I realize it. I watch people do five minutes of utter shit up there, and no one calls them on it. I do, in private, if they ask, but no one does, because comics are "sensitive" like that. Many cannot believe that they suck. Well, they do! Hard!

"Don't look for cheap compliments from me. When I say something, I've put thought into it, and I mean it."-BK

I don't care for fish or Phish.

Firstly, this is hilarious.

Lots and lots of snow, but seemingly little competency from the City of Pittsburgh, Penndot, and the Allegheny County Airport Authority. My bus was only three minutes late this morning, and the roads are still covered in snow. It says a lot when the Port Authority is back on their game before the local government is. Whatever.

My township, however, has been great with clearing snow. My street(even my alley) are passable at worst, and totally clear at best. Stowe Township keeps it real. We may not have businesses or occupied buildings, but goddamnit, we got good roads!

Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan are doing a buddy cop movie together. I'm not sure if this is horrible for Bruce Willis's career or great for Tracy Morgan's career? Maybe it's somewhere in between? And in a totally "WTF!" just searched IMDB type of development, Kevin Smith is apparently directing it. Has the world gone mad?

Tax return is done. Itemized, but still saved/got more via the simple deduction. I'm gonna blow it on red in Vegas.

"Have you tried other drugs?"-BK

He Skoal it from me.

I know it's been a bit between the here and the there. I've been watching Point Break. But I'm here again. Mostly because it's snowing, and while I like playing in snow, I don't like actually being outside while snow is falling unless I'm being paid to do so. My movie collection momentarily exhausted, I decided to write a little.

Shouts to my friend and bro, Brandon for gettin' me to type up a little literary fire again. His blog is an interesting read and something I find most agreeable. I guess that's why Brandon is a friend of mine. We've been fist pumpin' together since before Jersey Shore was even conceptualized, let alone a national disgrace. I watched three minutes, at most, of that show the other night at work, soiled myself, and cried for a long, long time.

Funny story: I first met Brandon when his girlfriend(now wife) Lori, bought me a drink about three minutes after I met her. I was wearing leather pants that night. I weigh 230 pounds. That's the kind of power I have over people if I so decide to wield it.

Moving on, but not forward, I suppose this is where I tell you what the hell's been going on.

Not much.

I semi-retired from comedy. Mostly because I'd completely lost any desire to perform. I still do fire out the occasional set now and again, and I'm close to rediscovering the sense of enjoyment/accomplishment I felt when I originally started doing comedy, way back, when there was only Playstation. That's right. I'm an "old" comic now. Twenty-six and over the hill. These damn kids these days all seem to be writing on the same paper(or in their smartphones) and with the same voice, which is another reason why I think I lost da' fire.

The dog. Definitely not a wise decision. While I enjoy his company immensely(he's a great snuggler when his ass is pointed away) I can't stomach him being in his cage for twelve to fourteen hours a day while I'm out and about, making mad cheddar and sending folks on their way to Orlando.

The house. I've taken a bit of a sabbatical on that for the winter. I really don't want to go into debt to improve/repair the place, and even if I did, my credit is so bad that... well, it's really shitty. So come summer, it'll be a project at a time, a hundred dollars at a time.

The "new" car. I'm selling it as soon as I find Cooper(the dog) suitable living arrangements. Due to my run in with a telephone pole, and subsequent run in with The Man, I haven't been driving it anyway. The bus and my bike get me where I need to go just fine, and I'm skinnier, but have a fatter wallet. Car free living suits me.

Bono. A douche for sure, but a douche with a good heart. If I ever meet him, I'll punch him in the face with my weak arm.

Just kidding. I don't have a weak arm.

Bitches. A sure sign of the upcoming apocalypse, I have been on a few dates. I'm not keen on dating. Like math and Obama's origins, it's confusing and muddled. Do we split the tab? Can I come up? Can I see you again? Not for me. The best romantic relationships in my life have started as great friendships, and I need to return to that format. No rush though.

Tobacco. I started chewing it. Don't really feel the need to elaborate, defend, or evangelize. I find it enjoyable, and a good way to "pace the day."

OBLIGATORY YOUTUBE VIDEO:


It's Royksopp. They are from Europe. You've heard a remix of this track in a Geico caveman commercial. I adore this video. Absolutely love it. It reminds me of a grade school social studies book diagram come to life. Immensely creative. Watch it four times.

I promise I'll write again. Someday.

"Utah! Get me two!"-BK

Girl sues Phillies.

When you drop away from the world, off the face of the Earth, "coming back" becomes less important the farther away you go. My Facebook/Twitter dispatches serve their purpose in letting people know I still draw breath, the rest is just frosting on the vegan cake.

While not opposed to conflict, I tend to avoid it, as I come out firing with the most powerful weapons in my arsenal. It's not prudent to nuke a simple uprising, but I err on the side of caution. Best to level the village than be shot in the back twenty years later by an orphaned son.

When did "error" become "err" by the way? Grammar is weak, yo. Mad weak.

Unfortunately, my conflict is internal, and it's something I am now only facing, at least ten years too late.

------

Work on the house continues at a retarded, ADHD-afflicted snail's pace, but it's still progress of some sort, which is something, however minor it may be to the outsider's eye.

Bought a "new" car. Infinitely happy to no longer give up three hours of my day to Port Authority Transit, but I do miss the smell of urine in the morning, and playing "new stain, or old stain" on a daily basis.

Been doing comedy here and there when the mood strikes. Material is the same, but the approach differs. Most comedians get pigeon-holed into the "I hate everything and everyone" category, which makes it hard to stand out when you really do. I hate being told that my material is nothing like who/what I am when I am offstage. I. Fucking. Hate. It. Here's news for you: When I'm onstage, I am totally free, uninhibited in ways I simple can't be otherwise, and I force myself to "lower the blinds" offstage. I am only showing courtesy to you and yours because you are an innocent, undeserving of the pure stream of my consciousness, not because I am friendly or warm.

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I have been giving some thought to becoming "vegan at home." After 3 years of vegetarianism, I feel ready to take this next step towards a healthier me, healthier animals, and a healthier planet. Maybe after the year turns. I miss nacho cheese already. Cheese will be the crux.

Felt the need to shit out some literature. As always, my half-assed thanks for your time.

"Watching those guys makes my job look easy. Well, easier, I guess."-BK

Death Row is the label that pays May.

Decided to get my ass a rollin' on the whole "new tattoo" ideas brewing in my ol' brain pan. Got it narrowed down to about 4 choices, and the left forearm is where it's going. Hope you like M.C. Escher. Aim to have a nice sleeve by October or so.

Listening to Portishead right now. Way better than the shit the clerk was telling me to buy at The Exchange today. Way fucking better. I picked up a "pre-owned" iPod, in addition to some tunes. Hurrah! No more audible craziness and screaming bastard children on my commute! Unless I run out of battery power because I left it in my bag the night prior instead of charging it, which has never, ever, happened to me, not even once. I swear.

Yes, it's dumb to buy CDs, go home, upload the CDs, and then download them to your iPod instead of purchasing music online, but I'm refreshingly old school, with just a twinkle of modern flava.

I'm off tonight, a Friday, for what seems like the first time in decades. Instead of going out and trying to meet someone, and establish a connection that eventually leads to some sort of permanent, fulfilling for me/who cares about her sexual relationship, I'm typing this. If I'd only put on pants at 8pm or so, things might've been different.

Looked at suits at Macy's yesterday, because I saw a dude rocking a three piece with crazy-ass, Boy George-like style that made me do a triple take. Need to lose a few more pounds and get some better shoes.

Saw Inglourious Basterds earlier. I was very underwhelmed by this movie. I like war action-adventure flicks, but this one was just "off" in a few different ways. Most prevalent is the subject matter. I thought it would be really cool to see a bunch of Jews murdering Nazis, but the fact is that the Holocaust was real, and adapting the deaths of millions of people just doesn't sit right with me. The movie had the trademark QT dialogue that we all know and love, but Brad Pitt delivered none of it, his performance was weak. The star of the movie was the actor who played the SS Colonel. He was really, really a pleasure to watch. Finally, the movie, if you can believe it, just wasn't violent enough. I'll stick with the Sixties-era war action movies, thanks.

This song played as a stunningly attractive petite blond girl seductively put on makeup. It was my favorite scene in the movie, probably because I am a fucking voyeuristic pervert. I'd heard this song before, back in my heavy Bowie Period, but hearing it again made my grin from ear to ear in the theatre.


A local blogger known as "PittGirl" recently "outed" herself to the city. She worked in anonymity, and said a few not so nice(but funny) things about the Mayor, etc.. Turns out, she works for a nonprofit which relies heavily on city funding, and she got canned. Her own fault, and I'm angry that she now has the chance to make money from the experience. Posting anonymously is cowardly, not brave. You all know who I am, but there are aspects of my life that I do not share here, most notably, my romantic and work-related adventures. I don't tell you about the relationships I'm in or not in because that is a private, personal, matter between myself and my "flavor of the month." I don't talk about my job, or things related to it, in anything more than a vague occasional reference because it's MY FUCKING JOB! I need to eat. She should of taken a similar route, but chose not to. Too bad.

(Shit, not so fast there, Ben Kenny. Remember that time in high school?)

Ah yes, how can I forget. Myself and a co-conspirator were suspended for two weeks for a few blog postings made from the shadows of the internet. So what if I did leak the home address of a teacher. Youthful indiscretions. It was hard to smoke pot all day, everyday, for those two weeks, but I persevered!

Looking for a new car. Cashing in some profit-sharing dollars. Saab, BMW, or Volvo wagon. Less than 100k miles, and less than ten years old. Under 5k. Holla if you got a lead for me.

Plans for tomorrow include laundry, grass cutting, maybe scrape a little paint and of course, The Smiling Moose and dance fun.

I've been here for a while, but not long enough to care about Big Ben's ankle weeks before the regular season begins.-BK