Like twelve or so.

Feeling stronger every day.

I have been listening to a lot of epic, heavily instrumental rock and roll music lately. Bands like Isis, The Redneck Manifesto, Mogwai, The Fucking Champs, The Polyphonic Spree, and Arcade Fire. It gives me a good feeling. So good, in fact, that despite Fall Out Boy's continued success, maybe music can make a creative comeback.

I shaved my head for the first time in a few weeks yesterday. If there was a power meter in the upper left hand corner of my life, it would read close to 100% and be a vibrant green in color. It felt awesome to have hot water cascading off of my scalp in the shower again! Most people don't and can't understand what that means, but I do, because I am in the know.

Steve Martin's new book Born Standing Up is a really good read. It chronicles his history as a performer up to, and including, The Jerk. He is a hero of mine. Besides being the first "huge" comedian(he was big before Carlin/Pryor peaked!), he's an accomplished banjo player, fiction writer, playwright, magician, and actor. Take a look back at the stuff he was doing in the 70's for a minute. He played a banjo, wore an arrow through his head, made balloon animals, and generally laid the groundwork for all future absurdest comedians. He didn't break the mold, he created it. He pushed comedy to a level it had never before been at. Sometimes, I think our ugly American culture takes Steve Martin for granted. He wasn't as flashy as Bill Murray, as over-the-top as John Belushi, or as edgy as Chevy Chase, but his legacy is far more impressive. Steve Martin, motherfuckers, Steve Martin.

We're gonna do it my way, or no way at all.-BK

dios mio!

I am sick.

I've spent the last day and a half lying in bed, alternating between being so hot I'm sleeping naked, and being so cold that I can't sleep, even in my winter sleeping bag. The one constant? Sweating. I don't even have a clue as to what is wrong with me, as I cannot remember being this sick since I was in grade school. Woe is me. More tea, Tylenol AM, and grilled cheese.

I managed to drag my ass out of bed at noon today and go see No Country For Old Men , which is a really fantastic film. One of the best of the year for sure, maybe even going onto the favorite movies of all time list.

Cattle gun.-BK

The luckiest by far.

I feel bad.

Don't worry though, everything will be OK! I wrote a fucking monster of a joke that only twenty percent of the average audience will get. It will be totally worth it though!

Dancing in the moonlight.-BK

Written by God himself and handed down to the greatest band in the world!

The wedding I've been in Chicago to attend was fun. My cousin got married in a nice, intimate little chapel with a small guest list and without a lot of fan fare. If I'm ever forced to submit to something as scary as a marriage, I'd try to model my wedding after theirs. It was good times, and the bar was an open one! Unfortunately, the dinner was your usual Chicago banquet hall feast o' meat. There was even bacon in the mashed potatoes! I had to eat 8 rolls and a lot of green beans in order to steel my stomach against the effects of the booze. I was with family after all, and I couldn't give them a reason to think less of me than they already do.

As always, the best part of visiting "home" was not sleeping in my old bed, seeing assorted family and friends, or even getting shitfaced. I got to see Otis! I wonder how many times I'll get to see the ol' boy(he's 13) before he heads to foyer floor in the sky? (BTW, we don't actually call it a "foyer," I just write really pretentiously.)

In happier Otis news, he still gets pissed when we play "Is Mom home?!" and "Belly rub/roll pinch." However, being my non-human son, he's developed a game to play with people that I'm sure he finds entertaining. While outside, he barks at the window, and when we open the door to let him in, he simply stands at the stairs and stares at us. A chip off the old shoulder, he is.

I had fucking rad veggie enchiladas while here as well. Gastrointestinally delightful!

Really looking forward to seeing No Country For Old Men this week.

Show tomorrow night. I've been spewing ideas a lot this past week, but haven't actually been able to progress them into jokes, which is the whole point, so it's been a bad writing week. Most of the material was/is about dwarfs, which is really cliche and stupid anyways.

Did you see the 300 parody on South Park? It involved Lesbians, Persians, and Mexicans. There was a Ms. Garrison sex scene, which is always entertaining. Looks like that show won't ever have a problem staying fresh.

Comedy Central and Comcast.-BK

Oh my God!

Today I watched Commando. It is Arnold's most-underrated and unappreciated film. He kills over 90 people on-screen in 90 minutes. He has killer one-liners, big guns, and Rae Dawn Chong is his costar! Seriously, check out Commando when you get the chance. The edited version is OK, you just miss out on a couple of "motherfuckers."

Going out on the town or something tonight. Party!

New jokes floated into my head today. I don't think much will come of them, but we shall see.

Back to work for overtime Monday. Sweet.

Take me home.-BK

Samsung a song to me.

Dane Cook is funny. I laughed. However, I felt dirty. Dirty like the time I took money to do that thing to that guy with the rash... He's a good entertainer, but he's a horrible, horrible comedian. Every time I watch him, he fails to let any sort of his true self out onstage. He's not one of the greatest of all time, despite what people say. In my opinion, the greats(Pryor, Carlin, Hicks, Stanhope and others) are letting the audience in on their neurosis and pain. There is nothing personal or intimate about working at Burger King. Stop it, Dane Cook, just stop it already!

I have been a couch potato today. I watched horrible comedians on Comedy Central for three hours. I'm ready for big things.

Later.-BK

Ben Kenny fights a dragon in his head...and wins!

Ever have a beer so delicious it seemed like a trick? I had one of those last night. Yuengling, I'm sorry we didn't see each other for a few months. Daddy will never treat you like that again!

Lately, I've been on a country music kick. George Strait, Travis Tritt, Clint Black, and even a little Hank Jr. Good times and good music. In fact, I was riding in West Virginia the other day and "A Country Boy Can Survive" came up on the ol' iPod. I bellowed the song at the top of my lungs while carving singletrack like a butcher, but my ride quickly lost it's "flow" as I'd forgotten to breathe while singing. Again.

Oprah is played out.

Survivorman beats Man Vs. Wild any day of the week, in any environment, hands down. Don't even contest it! Although the best wilderness survival show would(and should) involve Mike Rowe traipsing about with absolutely no clue as to what to do. But don't let him die! Just a little bit of Mike Rowe with severe hypothermia goes a long way in entertaining America!

It done gonna snow tonight. Stoked.

Monday night show at Shadow Lounge in East Liberty. Come on out for some good beer, waffles, and ass-kickingly funny comedy!

Get the fuck out of the road, you stupid deer!-BK

P.S. You should totally be down with Ron Paul!!!!!

You know, I'd still do Stevie Nicks... and Cyndi Lauper!

Spent two hours last night dialing in the disc brake on my mountain bike. I only burned the shit out of my hand eight times. Luckily, my hands already resemble Keith Richards' face, so it's no big deal. No stress.

Maybe I'll actually ride the bike tomorrow. That is, if my hands don't hurt so bad that I'm not able to grip the bar!

Remedy show went OK. Thanks for coming out. Dick.

Double shift today. At least I have the sweet, endless amount of channels on TV to keep me company. We watched an entire Culture Club video collection this morning while eating blueberry-chocolate chip pancakes. A good time was had by all!

No Country For Old Men is playing in limited release. Naturally, this doesn't include Pittsburgh. Ben Kenny loves most Coen brothers movies!

No shows this week, as I'm heading out of state for a bit.

New York!-BK

Dreamy.

Big time comedy show tonight at Remedy in Lawrenceville. Be there! I'm preparing with grilled cheese sammitches, a good deal of water, and some vegetable chili. I'm totally going to slay the room with my radical anecdotes!

Cleaned the bathroom while watching Seven. Multitasking rules!

I enjoyed my one day off of work this week. Looks like about eight more days of non-stop work and then I head to Chicago for a wedding. Free beer = 40% of Ben Kenny's cognitive capacity!

I cleaned my car today too! Take that, efficiency expert that lives inside of my head!

Fully alive!-BK

Thousands and thousands of dollars.

Last night was one of those shows that you'd prefer not to think about. Unfortunately, like your five year old son plummeting to his death from a high-rise balcony, it stays with you. Essentially, I had to ask, "I'm giving up my precious sleep for this!?" It's all about the love, yo. Thanks to Mo Mozuch for having me out!

Really looking forward to sleep tonight.

A day off spent doing nothing tomorrow. Perhaps I'll make some tea and read a book or some shit.

I did a load of laundry with a pen included. It's a nice way to totally ruin seven t-shirts, four of which were a part of my "performance wardrobe." Curses!

Bad to the bone.-BK

Indians on the war path.

Ron Paul raised 4 million dollars in 24 hours. Hell's yeah! Maybe the media should start giving him a little more face time.

I've had the song "Amanda" by Boston in my head all day long, and now they're playing it on the radio. It's an awesome song, but it always, ALWAYS creeps me out, because my sister's name is, you guessed it, Amanda. Good song though. Good song.

Spaghetti O's and corn chips for lunch. Well, not really Spaghetti O's. Generic stuff. I'm a super-savin' motherfucker, what can I say?

Does anyone else think Bon Jovi should just quit or die in a tour bus accident? Is it just me? Bon Jovi's new material seems to be utter shit. Not that their 80's stuff is extraordinary, but you know what I'm getting at, right?

I cleaned my oven yesterday. I'm such a pussy.

So tired.-BK

It's not a good time to catch a cold.

Not a lot of sleep this week, as my winter march of overtime and comedy seems to be rolling on. Oh well.

I'm gonna go to a job fair on Monday for Roughnecking. A Roughneck, in case you didn't know, does heavy manual labor on offshore oil rigs. I'm not really interested in the job, mostly just curious. I don't like swimming and I'm not big on massive explosions, but you never know.

Got put on a show tomorrow night, which is cool.

My fingers are starting to dry out and crack. I can't wait for April and good, un-cracked fingers!

No bike ride today. I had to vote.

ESPN is the Devil!-BK

I'm my own radio jingle, you stupid fuck!

I was driving to work this morning. Was everyone driving slow, or was I just driving 100mph and not even realizing it, again?

I can see it now:

"Sorry officer, I guess I just must not be awake yet. Oh, come on! It was just a little rollover accident!"

Overtime right now, a little bit o' Steeler/Heroes action tonight, and with some good luck, overtime tomorrow. Or a bike ride. First snow of the year and election day tomorrow. Bike rides are hard to come by in November, if I do ride, I'd better make it count. Can you hear the fat guy weezing, America?

If you're in the tri-state area, get your ass to Remedy on Friday night. SUPPORT LOCAL COMEDY!

We now have cable at work! This means I can watch Comedy Central! (Insert super loud, 1980's hair band scream)

Working on the night moves.-BK

P.S. I just added a calendar to the bottom right-hand side of the blog, check it out!

The World Famous El Cortez

Vegas was, as always, a total blast. I won 225 dollars, and gambled for over 30 hours, a new personal best. I'm no longer addicted to the game of blackjack, because craps now runs through my veins. It's the funnest shit ever.

Monster set was had last night in the comedy contest, unfortunately, because none of my few friends came out to vote for me, I did not advance. The judges all scored me very well though, which lights up the soul. I suppose.

I shot craps with Bruce Willis!-BK