Time to make some motherfucking donuts, bitch.

I was dancing last night. I found myself holding back a little. Couldn't seem to "flow" as well as I would have liked to. Sorry.

The hunt for an "every other" Saturday dance floor is officially on, as my regular Saturday has grown stale and very redundant. It is quite possibly the only non-gay dance floor on earth that is a sausagefest, to use the parlance of our times. The true irony is that it's Ceremony, a self-proclaimed "dark alternative dance night" but nobody seems to want to dance. Also, no one wants to hear three hours of non-stop Euro EBM. Fuck up the mix! FUCK IT UP! Oh well, let them lurk in the shadows and smoke cigarettes for all I care! Fuck em'.

PETER MURPHY IS COMING TO PITTSBURGH! Bauhaus/Peter Murphy is something I've only listened to for the past two and a half years or so, but the influence this man's voice has had on virtually every goth/dark/etc singer is incredible. I will be at this show, come hell or high water!!!




I'll probably be seeing Speed Racer at some point this week. I'll let you know.

Really turning a comedy corner. Whether I'm heading down a road to the gentrified, semi-urban place I hope to reach, or towards the suburban sprawl of mindless club comedy remains to be seen. I will learn this summer.

I almost pissed on a homeless guy last night.-BK

The Slip

Really fucking idylic day here in the 'burgh.

Rolled out of bed around ten am, giving thanks to fate and invisible men in the sky for not wrecking my car on the Parkway last night. Came close. Too close.

Rode the bicycle around town a bit today. Had lunch at the Quiet Storm, my favorite PGH restaurant. Although everything on the menu is delicious and excellent, I got my "usual," the Spicy Peanut. It's a wrap with tofu, peanut butter, raisins, lettuce, and pepper sauce. It is unbelievably tasty!

Sat in a park and people watched/read a book.

Invested more tax money in a new bag. I am one of those people who carry a bag everywhere. I am stoked on the bag. I will let you know how it goes. It looks able to withstand a direct hit from a nuclear warhead, so it should last a year or two in my daily use.

Bike and bus commute from now on.

Must go dance now!

Really, have you ever seen a midget who wasn't limping?-BK

If it ain't your body, then it must be your face!

Brief update on life today.

Extra tax money is here. Guess who drank Jack and Coke last night?

Guess who spent 200 bucks at Target, H&M, and the thrift store this morning?

I have been on a bit of a workout schedule/routine these past few months. Been gettin' a little "swoll" a few days a week and have been firing out 250 sit-ups and walking around the airport on the other days. You should always hurt the day after a workout. It means you've torn muscle tissue, and your muscles will be stronger when they rebuild. Pain is good. GOOD!

As you all know, my taste in, and vast scope of knowledge in, music is far better than yours. This being known and reiterated, I'd like to tell you all about an album you need to go out and buy.

It's Portishead's "Third" release.



Imagine a James Bond film directed by Tim Burton, which dealt with Commander Bond's heroin addiction and deep depression. Portishead would be the soundtrack. Listen to Portishead. You won't regret it.

There are 18 snot-filled Kleenex on my bedroom floor.-BK

Madonna is good for the soul.

While immensely bored and lacking stimuli at work today, I decided to spin some Madonna for myself.

No one ever really talks serious, mean-spirited shit on Madonna. There's a reason for that.

She is roughly equivalent to the fucking Beatles.

Now in her early fifties, Madonna has been relevant to American music since about the time I was born(1984).

Her music is not extraordinary. It won't win a lot of awards. It doesn't push barriers.

What it does do, almost constantly, is evolve, change, and grow with pop culture's ever-changing tastes and wants.

Madonna videos are almost always timeless, and often without peer. The set design, cinematography, editing, and direction were cutting edge when they were made, and, if you've watched any MTV in the past five years, you'll agree, blow anything made today out of the water, high into the air, and 15 miles inland.

People say "sex sells," and by that trite little cultural quip, Madonna must have her name on a lot of sales plaques.

She's never been degrading to herself, or to women in general. She's never been a mere sex object. She has always been some to be desired, something to be craved, and something some people aspire to be.

I am an unapologetic, unashamed fan of Madonna, and I always will be!

The following are three relatively random videos. Watch and respect.

My favorite Madonna song? Borderline! My favorite video? Material Girl!





Express Yourself


Rain


Die Another Day


Keep it mad real, yo.-BK

I am above this.

Please could you stop the noise, I'm trying to get some rest
From all the unborn chicken voices in my head
What's there...? (I may be paranoid, but not an android)
What's there...? (I may be paranoid, but not an android)

When I am king, you will be first against the wall
with your opinion which is of no consequence at all
What's there...? (I may be paranoid, but no android)
What's there...? (I may be paranoid, but no android)

Ambition makes you look pretty ugly
Kicking, squealing gucci little piggy
You don't remember
You don't remember
Why don't you remember my name?
Off with his head, man
Off with his head, man
Why don't you remember my name? I guess he does...

Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me

That's it sir
You're leaving
The crackle of pigskin
The dust and the screaming
The yuppies networking
The panic, the vomit
The panic, the vomit
God loves his children, God loves his children, yeah!



We can never be truly alone in America.-BK

Take my broken wings, teach me to fly again.

What's brown and sticky?

Getting my ass back into comedy in a nice way. Writing quite a few new things. Applying/opening much more of my thoughts and opinions to the stage for the summer. Very nervous. Very excited that I'm nervous about the direction I hope to move in.

Dancing tomorrow. It is one of the highlights of the week for sure. It really shouldn't be, but I just can't help but enjoy the fuck out of dancing to songs I've heard, literally, hundreds upon hundreds of times each.

"Totally fab" outfit planned for Saturday's dance floor. Gonna scare some people. Looking forward to it.

The Warrior returns to my loving arms on Friday. As always, I not only triumphed over adversity, I kicked it's ass across the room. I did a lot of shit via bike this week that I hadn't done in a few years. In fact, with gas prices being what they are(too bad the blood of American soldiers doesn't run engines!), I may even do the bike/bus thing on a semi-regular basis.

The Polish Mohawk is going to be rocked so fucking hard this summer. You don't even know, yet.

A goose hissed at me today. I spread my arms out and screamed at it. Dumb goose, go back to Canada, eh!

A stick!

Don't get sucked into the engine. As your trainer, that is the most important thing I can teach you.-BK

James Woods does not make something worth watching.

Another fantastic day here in Benland. High speed, pre-dawn bike riding through the city. I even did something I hadn't done in a while. I "caught a skitch" as in grabbing onto a truck and letting it pull me along for a few blocks. Needless to say, if you don't have confidence in your ability to control a bicycle at speed, don't do this. It was great though. The semi-freezing temperatures were really great for riding in, because I did not have to get on a bus covered in sweat.

Buses are like moving thrift stores. You see all forms of human misery on a bus, no matter what time of day or route you happen to be on. It's like a reality TV segment, but it's real!! I saw faded Steelers jackets everywhere today. "Yea, though our jackets are faded like our once vibrant hopes and dreams.... GO STEELERS!"

This is the best comedian working today. Not my favorite mind you, but the fucking BEST. Warning: Be able to suspend your class and taste!



Pour your misery down.-BK

Xerces

Bicycled through the Iron City streets to take in a free show last night. It was at my usual Sunday night haunt, so it wasn't like it was a major event or anything.

Y'all motherfuckers need to check out a band called Dyksick. They opened the show, playing electronic, off of a synth keyboard and laptop, and pretty much blew away the other two acts.

There were not a lot of people at this show. I'd say five. Five people not directly related to the bands in some form or another, including the author. That didn't seem to matter to Dyksick, as they dropped mad beats and made some good music. How good? My cheap ass bought a CD, that's how good!

The other two bands, My Parasites and Scabdriver were less than stellar. My Parasite's drumming and keyboarding were actually quite proficient, easy to listen to, etc, but if there was such a thing as the Fred Durst of Industrial/Hardcore music, it had to be the frontman in this band. He needed to shut up between songs. People at the bar drink because that's what we're there to do. We don't want to be dragged towards the stage. If you were good enough, we'd come on our own!

The headliner, Scabdriver, was tight enough to be good, but then threw in the towel about fifteen minutes into their set. Fuck em'.

The ride home was leisurely and fun. I have to cross two major rivers on my way to and from The Smiling Moose(top 5 venue in PGH for me) and I like to pause for a sip of water and a break while I'm in the middle of them, as both offer awesome views of the 'burgh skyline, and are about a hundred feet over their respective rivers. As an added bonus, I got to piss onto a gigantic coal barge, because the lights were out on the bridge, which afforded me a nice amount of shadow. Ben Kenny makes coal energy even dirtier. Go me.

Good sleeping weather lately.

My Kingdom for a MSI ticket.

Back to the work grind tomorrow. Ugh.

Iron Man this weekend. Tony Stark could take Bruce Wayne in net worth and badass toys. But I think Bruce Wayne has more heart.(Totally nerdy comic book pun right there, bitches.)

And where do we go from here? Which is the way that's clear? Still looking...-BK

Pressure's gonna drop on you!

So, roughly 100 views of my video blog in about three days. Not bad. Perhaps there's something to this whole internet video sharing thing afterall. I should write a novelty song about how fucked up both toenails on my pinky toes are or something, and then Kimmel would book my ass. I'd make a smidgen of money, quit my job, and become homeless! Metal!

I did have to erase a comment made by some white supremecist kid, but not because the comment itself was racist. In truth, it was actually quite well said, but I noticed the word "Heil" in his screename and decided he warranted further investigation. Turns out, he's the worst kind of racist, one who is eloquent, non-inflammatory, and able to mask his hate rhetoric in a veil of pseudo-intelligence. Like Falwell or Robertson, but without the jowl or wrinkles.

Despite the shaven head and surly demeanor, I am NOT a racist. I'm actually quite liberal/libertarian. Every American deserves a level playing field, and sometimes the government is required to make said field level. Period. I am a much bigger fan of Bill Cosby than Jesse Jackson though. The Cos has been teaching a few hard lessons in the past year or two, and he's saying things others are too weak or afraid to say. Check him out.

Booking shows for May. Writing as well. Creative drive is making a one-eighty, next stop, Funnytown.

Three seconds. Exactly three fucking seconds, or I will gouge out your eyeballs, and SKULLFUCK YOU!!!-BK

Keep my head high.

Spent the evening at home. Was not able to participate in a long awaited, eagerly anticipated, mucho shit-talked bowling outing with my work compatriots, due to The Warrior being in the shop. That fucker better be ready on Monday. Grr.

Ever see The Thing starring Kurt Russell and David Keith? It is one of my top five favorite horror flicks of all time. It's 20 years old, and the effects shots still hold up today. This movie scares the hell out of me. I still turn on the lights when it's on.

Dancing tomorrow. Industrial show Sunday. Exciting.

My incapacitated car has enabled more bike riding, which is actually a good thing. If you were in Oakland around 3:00am Friday morning and heard high pitched fat guy weezing, it wasn't me. I swear.

It's hot in here. Bummer that I'm already naked and have the windows open. I am not looking forward to summer. Although, I did put myself on an early afternoon shift, which keeps me out of the house during the hottest part of day. We'll see how I feel in July.

I am debating buying a pair of neon yellow jeans.

It's time to get my sleep on.-BK