Take my broken wings, teach me to fly again.

What's brown and sticky?

Getting my ass back into comedy in a nice way. Writing quite a few new things. Applying/opening much more of my thoughts and opinions to the stage for the summer. Very nervous. Very excited that I'm nervous about the direction I hope to move in.

Dancing tomorrow. It is one of the highlights of the week for sure. It really shouldn't be, but I just can't help but enjoy the fuck out of dancing to songs I've heard, literally, hundreds upon hundreds of times each.

"Totally fab" outfit planned for Saturday's dance floor. Gonna scare some people. Looking forward to it.

The Warrior returns to my loving arms on Friday. As always, I not only triumphed over adversity, I kicked it's ass across the room. I did a lot of shit via bike this week that I hadn't done in a few years. In fact, with gas prices being what they are(too bad the blood of American soldiers doesn't run engines!), I may even do the bike/bus thing on a semi-regular basis.

The Polish Mohawk is going to be rocked so fucking hard this summer. You don't even know, yet.

A goose hissed at me today. I spread my arms out and screamed at it. Dumb goose, go back to Canada, eh!

A stick!

Don't get sucked into the engine. As your trainer, that is the most important thing I can teach you.-BK

James Woods does not make something worth watching.

Another fantastic day here in Benland. High speed, pre-dawn bike riding through the city. I even did something I hadn't done in a while. I "caught a skitch" as in grabbing onto a truck and letting it pull me along for a few blocks. Needless to say, if you don't have confidence in your ability to control a bicycle at speed, don't do this. It was great though. The semi-freezing temperatures were really great for riding in, because I did not have to get on a bus covered in sweat.

Buses are like moving thrift stores. You see all forms of human misery on a bus, no matter what time of day or route you happen to be on. It's like a reality TV segment, but it's real!! I saw faded Steelers jackets everywhere today. "Yea, though our jackets are faded like our once vibrant hopes and dreams.... GO STEELERS!"

This is the best comedian working today. Not my favorite mind you, but the fucking BEST. Warning: Be able to suspend your class and taste!



Pour your misery down.-BK

Xerces

Bicycled through the Iron City streets to take in a free show last night. It was at my usual Sunday night haunt, so it wasn't like it was a major event or anything.

Y'all motherfuckers need to check out a band called Dyksick. They opened the show, playing electronic, off of a synth keyboard and laptop, and pretty much blew away the other two acts.

There were not a lot of people at this show. I'd say five. Five people not directly related to the bands in some form or another, including the author. That didn't seem to matter to Dyksick, as they dropped mad beats and made some good music. How good? My cheap ass bought a CD, that's how good!

The other two bands, My Parasites and Scabdriver were less than stellar. My Parasite's drumming and keyboarding were actually quite proficient, easy to listen to, etc, but if there was such a thing as the Fred Durst of Industrial/Hardcore music, it had to be the frontman in this band. He needed to shut up between songs. People at the bar drink because that's what we're there to do. We don't want to be dragged towards the stage. If you were good enough, we'd come on our own!

The headliner, Scabdriver, was tight enough to be good, but then threw in the towel about fifteen minutes into their set. Fuck em'.

The ride home was leisurely and fun. I have to cross two major rivers on my way to and from The Smiling Moose(top 5 venue in PGH for me) and I like to pause for a sip of water and a break while I'm in the middle of them, as both offer awesome views of the 'burgh skyline, and are about a hundred feet over their respective rivers. As an added bonus, I got to piss onto a gigantic coal barge, because the lights were out on the bridge, which afforded me a nice amount of shadow. Ben Kenny makes coal energy even dirtier. Go me.

Good sleeping weather lately.

My Kingdom for a MSI ticket.

Back to the work grind tomorrow. Ugh.

Iron Man this weekend. Tony Stark could take Bruce Wayne in net worth and badass toys. But I think Bruce Wayne has more heart.(Totally nerdy comic book pun right there, bitches.)

And where do we go from here? Which is the way that's clear? Still looking...-BK

Pressure's gonna drop on you!

So, roughly 100 views of my video blog in about three days. Not bad. Perhaps there's something to this whole internet video sharing thing afterall. I should write a novelty song about how fucked up both toenails on my pinky toes are or something, and then Kimmel would book my ass. I'd make a smidgen of money, quit my job, and become homeless! Metal!

I did have to erase a comment made by some white supremecist kid, but not because the comment itself was racist. In truth, it was actually quite well said, but I noticed the word "Heil" in his screename and decided he warranted further investigation. Turns out, he's the worst kind of racist, one who is eloquent, non-inflammatory, and able to mask his hate rhetoric in a veil of pseudo-intelligence. Like Falwell or Robertson, but without the jowl or wrinkles.

Despite the shaven head and surly demeanor, I am NOT a racist. I'm actually quite liberal/libertarian. Every American deserves a level playing field, and sometimes the government is required to make said field level. Period. I am a much bigger fan of Bill Cosby than Jesse Jackson though. The Cos has been teaching a few hard lessons in the past year or two, and he's saying things others are too weak or afraid to say. Check him out.

Booking shows for May. Writing as well. Creative drive is making a one-eighty, next stop, Funnytown.

Three seconds. Exactly three fucking seconds, or I will gouge out your eyeballs, and SKULLFUCK YOU!!!-BK

Keep my head high.

Spent the evening at home. Was not able to participate in a long awaited, eagerly anticipated, mucho shit-talked bowling outing with my work compatriots, due to The Warrior being in the shop. That fucker better be ready on Monday. Grr.

Ever see The Thing starring Kurt Russell and David Keith? It is one of my top five favorite horror flicks of all time. It's 20 years old, and the effects shots still hold up today. This movie scares the hell out of me. I still turn on the lights when it's on.

Dancing tomorrow. Industrial show Sunday. Exciting.

My incapacitated car has enabled more bike riding, which is actually a good thing. If you were in Oakland around 3:00am Friday morning and heard high pitched fat guy weezing, it wasn't me. I swear.

It's hot in here. Bummer that I'm already naked and have the windows open. I am not looking forward to summer. Although, I did put myself on an early afternoon shift, which keeps me out of the house during the hottest part of day. We'll see how I feel in July.

I am debating buying a pair of neon yellow jeans.

It's time to get my sleep on.-BK

Dudebro, if you touch the crown again, I am going to end you.

I'm online too much. Random day. No order. No method. Madness.

I had to edit this. None of the links worked, and I'm too drunk to give a fuck. No one reads this stuff anyways. Christ, I'm listening to Nirvana.

Think for yourselves.-BK

We're pretty much totally fucked, aren't we?

She is the best looking forty year-old I have ever seen.

I am on a double shift today. Luckily, I brought enough food and provisions to remain comfortable, except for this fucking cold I've gotten. My head is so thick with mucus that I sometimes feel I am floating above myself, which would be awesome normally, but not when I'm working around heavy equipment and people even dumber than I am. Danger abounds. Maintain focus.

My fucking dryer is fucked up, and apparently, the dryer guy is not willing to work with me. His loss, as my Pittsburgh minions have provided me with ample alternative suppliers.

Car repairs underway and finished shortly. I thought I was going to have to ride my bike to eighties night, might still have to, must plan another, less garish outfit.

I am going to the zoo in the morning! I have not been to a zoo since D-town. Animals in non-natural environments with ugly, distressed coats, animal shaped french fried potatoes, kids still in school. It is going to be fun!

There is a fantastic new NIN track on the internet. DANCE TO IT! (I did. Four times!)

It's not the way you have your hair, it's not that simple style.-BK

When love and death embrace.(Long version)

I've been writing about music and dancing a lot lately, but I've been doing it for longer than I've been writing about it. This is not a flavor of the month.

Still doing comedy, but artistically, I am drifting. Need to find something to secure my act to.


A word on techno music. Techno has many different definitions, many different sounds, and many different fans, some of whom would not get along terribly well if forced to sit down and debate the merits of their particular sub-genres.

This is techno to me. For me, it's not about spinning some glow sticks around or dropping E and hugging each other. It's not about bright clothing and tank tops either. Techno isn't happy, it doesn't need friends. It's about violence, speed, and utter, total loss of control...

This is techno:




Aphex Twin is not necessarily a techno entity, but that is fucking techno!!

Keep it safe out there.-BK

Nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do...

Against all odds and logical thought, I was elected 80's Prom King earlier this evening. I don't really know what to make of this, as I was just kind of being myself, having a good time and getting down, bringing the boogie and whatnot. Like, whatever, but regardless, I'm thankful.

Dance. Dance until you're tired. Drink water. Dance more!

My nails are painted, but I neglected to buy nail polish remover. Something tells me work is going to be... awkward tomorrow.

Rock and roll.-BK

Another Version of The Truth.

Few of you know, and most of you will have a hard time believing, but I really like to dance.

By "dance," I refer to myself finding a ten foot square space on the floor, stomping a foot to the downbeat, and moving various appendages on my body in a manner that has no method or coordination whatsoever. I feel the music, and I let my body flow. It looks awkward I'm sure, but it feels great! I often sing, or at least mouth the words to the music.

I sweat profusely, close my eyes, and just lose myself on the floor. This is one of the few places I am able to "slow my mind," and be at a relative peace with the many random things I often think.

I dress relatively well, and take a certain amount of pride in the style I've created for myself.

I rarely dance piss drunk, and I rarely dance without a "catalyst" drink in me.

75% of the music I dance to is at least ten years old, and somewhat obscure in nature.

I never used to dance as a teenager, probably because I always was afraid of what others might perceive me to be or not be, but now, now I dance because it feels GOOD. I don't give a fuck if you think I'm fat or "not good," I care about having fun.

Try it sometime, you might like it. If you see me on the floor, say hi.

P.S.

Good dance floors in PGH are found at Ceremony, The Upstage Nation, Pressure, The Lava Lounge, and a few other places.

Sometimes I dance in my house when I don't feel like doing a cardio workout. Plus, I can be my own DJ, and play all the Depeche Mode, Nitzer Ebb, Ladytron, Kylie Minogue, Justice, Michael Jackson, Nine Inch Nails, and Garbage I want.

Bad places to dance include rooms full of people "holding up the walls." Bad vibes, yo.

Aw, yes indeed, it's fun time.

I was in an auto accident yesterday. My first accident, ever. My bumper was removed from the front of my car. Argh.

Finanacial destitution is pretty much a certainty at this point in my life. I am late on all of my bills. Poor as fuck.

At least dancing offers temporary sanctuary. When I dance, nothing else matters. Damn, that was the gayest thing I've ever written.

Jokes today. Going classy with an Obama/nutsack bit.

Area Man Makes It Through Day

I could stay or leave, either way.

I've downed about 9 beers so far this evening, and I'm in a pissy mood, so here is a "fuck you" list I've created. Blow me. No, seriously, I live at 322 North Avenue in the great borough of Millvale, Pittsburgh, PA. Come the fuck over and fellate me!

On with the show....

Pittsburgh "rock" radio. Everyday on my commute, I try to listen to these epic douche bags banter on about Sidney Crosby, internet videos, and/or some shit promotion at some shit bar. The only thing that stops me from crashing my car into a bridge support is the fact that I do not own it, and the cost of paying it off would force my parents to give me a very spartan funeral indeed. Everyone would say "I always kinda thought he'd kill himself one day..." and then go to a Polish banquet hall for lunch, served family style. My ghost would eat green beans, mashed potatoes, some salad, and dinner rolls.

Chicago Cubs fans. This should be inherently self-explanatory, but for some reason, liking the Cubs continues to be trendy and hip. It crosses all social, racial, and state boundaries. Fucking inexplicable. It's a shitty stadium, run by shit people, for the sole purpose of making money. Dumbasses, each and every non-Northside Native Cub fan. While I'm at it, FUCK WRIGLEYVILLE(except for the Metro, and a few other "alternative" places.)

FUCK YOU, Rollingstone Magazine! ARRGHH!!! Print something other than information about Pete Wentz and Barack Obama. Put a fucking MUSICIAN ON THE COVER! One who writes their own shit, doesn't act, and abuses substances of questionable nature! GODDAMNIT!!! ARGH.

Must get drunker. I have to work in the morning.-BK

PS- Me and the Deftones, we're cool. Ultra cool.

Brave New World.

Spring has arrived like a semi tractor-trailer filled with hazardous chemicals rolling brakeless down a West Virginia highway here in PA.

What does this mean? Well motherfuckers, it means it's time to drink beer in the shower. If you don't drink beer and get in the shower immediately upon your return from a day of work, you don't really "work" hard. Few things in life are better than drinking a well-earned, cold beer in a nice shower after busting your ass laboring all day in the sun.

NIN on tour this summer. Hello Cleveland, and perhaps Colorado.

Looking for a suit. Something with subtle red or purple pinstripes. Need to get snazzy for an upcoming wedding, and I'd like to start dressing better onstage as well.

My commute a little tricky timing-wise, but I'm getting better at it. I read traffic patterns, yo.

Wake up.-BK

Saviors and saints, devils and heathens alike.

Settling into my new apartment, which, come to think of it, is more accurately described as a rowhouse/townhouse. This means I have a basement and two floors, but the place is about 15 wide throughout. Not bad though, not bad at all. I need drapes and whatnot, but it's going to be totally livable in less than a month.

Show Friday night. Oh hell yeah.

Being close to the city is nice, as I no longer need to leave my house an hour before something starts. The downside? A longer commute to the PIT (of despair). The upside to that? I've been getting reacquainted with some semi-forgotten tunes/bands on the drive.

I now have a neighborhood to walk around in. This is something I sorely missed whilst living in the mega-apartment complex. On occasion, I even say hello to people. Freaky.

Rock it tonight!-BK