What do you think of Boston?

Well, no comedy show in Chicago. Bummed.

However, I do get to drink heavily for a week in Wisconsin, for free!

Oh yeah, look for me back in Chicago full time around February. Gonna make a hardcore go at the comedy thing. Wish me luck.

It's really more than a feelin' -BK

We wanna pull the jetway on seven.

Saw The Simpsons Movie last night and it really wasn't worth making. It wasn't bad, it was just a 90 minute episode of the Simpsons... Too many writers, character cameos, etc... I thought the computer-assisted animation brought a new level of intricacy to Springfield. It was nice to see a little more 3-D come into play.

In Chicago. 7-1 thru 7-7.

Jokes!

Haven't been sleeping well. It's probably my fan making weird noise.

Oh well.

Goodbye then.

Water for my soul when it get's thirsty.

Been riding my fixed-gear around quite a bit lately. It's pretty fun.

Didn't sleep well last night. Crappy Jim Carrey movies will do that to you. The Number 23 sucked!

American on the podium at Le Tour! YES!

Possible Chicago performance August 12th? Wait and see.

C-ya.

Granny

Irony: When two news helicopters crash while covering a car chase in Phoenix, Arizona, therefore becoming the story themselves. Sadly, both stations involved took a ratings plunge, because they...uh, didn't have any aerial coverage.

Chance that I might have a future after all: Reports surfaced today involving NASA astronauts under the influence of alcohol while in-flight. Look for me to be reporting from Cape Canaveral from now on!

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Look for some more joke action from me next week.

I finished reading "Hell's Angels" today, and for a book that's forty years old, it's pretty good, and it did a good job of separating a media myth from reality. Plus, Hunter S. Thompson had his ashes shot out of a cannon in Colorado. Seriously, if you found out an author had his ashes shot out of a cannon, wouldn't you read every one of his works???

Slept 14 hours last night. It was a struggle, but I kept my focus, and pulled through.

Stay safe out there troopers!

Adam Duritz works for Satan.

I am heartbroken.

My favorite professional cyclist, Alexander Vinokourov failed a drug test and was dropped from Le Tour today.

Let me tell you why "Vino" is my favorite. First, he's a Kazakh, which is almost as cool as being a Russian. I make the Russian comparison because Vino is/was essentially the Russian from Rocky IV, except he weighs 150 pounds and rides a bicycle. I'm pissed at him.

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Comedy went well at Earthstone yesterday. Thanks to Terry Jones for having me out.

Maybe Lindsay Lohan should do less blow and move the fuck out of L.A. Just a thought.

I'm a gonna make stir-fry for a dinner a today. Ah.

Time to go make the donuts!

You make my dreams nightmarish.

Looks like I'm gonna be pushing my NYC trip back to September.

I've been drinking a lot of water at night for some reason. One thing is for sure, water is not as good as beer, but I don't have enough money to buy beer.

I really don't know how I feel about Eddie Money, to tell you the truth.

My knee is hurting me again. I think it's probably due to the fact that I kick so much ass, or maybe the repetitive, stressful bending I do all day long.

Nothing more, Your Honor.

I think I'm drowning!

Perhaps my words about Tammy Faye were a little harsh. I guess I'm just a harsh dude. I'm sorry for saying such a malicious thing. What can I say, cancer sucks.

Telling a few jokes this week. Earthstone's mic is reopening on Tuesday night, so check that shit out roundabout eight or so.

Look for people doing stolen material at the Cefalo's contest on Wednesday night. I might be there doing a guest set and/or just hangin' out.

Heading to NYC August 12-15th. Comedy recon mission. I'd like to be able to honestly gauge where the strength of my material, act, and "persona" is against the NYC comics. I don't think I'm going to like what I find out, but I'm going anyways.

Went to see I Know Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and while it's not a bad movie, it suffers from the same thing Evan Almighty suffered from. Mainly, it injects too much seriousness into the storyline, it get's a little preachy. I'm not looking for a movie to malign the gay community, but I don't want a movie that's afraid to poke a little fun either.

Myspace is now mysteriously accessible from work. YEAH!

Have a good one!

Aces high?

Does anyone else think that Tammy Faye Bakker is making Kate Moss look like Rosie O'Donnell lately??

Well, I guess when you spend your life preaching bigotry and hate, and making millions doing it, God deems it necessary to give you cancer. I don't agree with God on a lot of His initiatives, but I've got to hand it to the man upstairs, He really pulled a good one off!

Killed at Slapsticks! last night. It was a good show.

Not going to Florida. Someone "more senior" than me accepted the assignment.

Working late tonight.

Don't worry, be happy.

Let your love bind you, to all living things.

The personal odyssey that was my time in the Cefalo's contest came to an end last night. I ate shit, hard, and was rightly voted out. Oh well. I got in deeper than I thought I would, and I was happy to have advanced as far I did.

Maybe taking the act on the road to Jacksonville, Florida for two weeks of tempin'. We shall see what pans out.

Spent some time talking with a few comics after the show last night. It was cool to see other people's opinions of the scene and our potential comedic future(s).

Have a good day!

What hood do you hail from?

Tour de France is getting interesting. Go Leipenheimer! (He's American yo!)

I wish I could say comedy was fun last night, but performing in front of four people was really more of a chore. Dinner at Whole Foods, which is down the street from the venue, was delicious. I had the BBQ Tempeh. It was tasty, and not over spiced like a lot of tempeh dishes can be.

Wednesday night. Cefalo's. Show up. Vote for me. Have a drink or five. Laugh. Vote for me.

This coming week should be good for movies. I'm looking most forward to Sunshine, Danny Boyle's new joint about some astronauts who go on a mission to restart the sun, thus saving humanity as we know it(in 2057, at least.) If you don't know who Danny Boyle is, you're stupid. He's made two of the most important films to come outta Britain in 15 years, Trainspotting and the incomparable 28 days later... Make yourself familiar with these films. You'll be a better nerd for it!

Had a good sleep last night.

I guess this is goodbye.

Tina Turner shouldn've talked back to Ike so much.

While in the middle of my semi-daily yoga exercises this morning, I realized that I'm a lot more flexible than I used to be. Even when I was forty pounds heavier, I could bend 90 degrees at my waist and touch my toes without "limbering up" or anything. Now, I can bend over and slide my palms under my feet. Those Indians sure do know some stuff about the capabilities of the human body. If you doubt Yoga, or maybe think it's new-age B.S., which is understandable, take a look at the spread in last month's Vanity Fair. Most of the people in it are over forty, trim, attractive, and basically represent what we all wish we could be at that age. Maybe if I practice yoga for the next 15 odd years I can look as good as Sting does, instead of looking like Vince Neil...

Telling some new jokes about Godzilla and George Bush tonight at Shadow Lounge. Come on out and support live comedy. Youtube and Myspace are great places to see comedy, but COMEDY IS MEANT TO BE SEEN AND ENJOYED LIVE! So come out!

I see our beloved federal government is sponsoring some sort of marriage program here in the 'burgh. Nice to know were my tax money went when I'm cashing a twelve dollar social security check in 45 years. Thank your Christian-pandering congresspeople for that one, America.

...show me some of the Spanish dancing,
pass me a bottle, Mr. Jones,
Believe in me, help me believe in anything,
cause I wanna be someone who believes...
- The Counting Crows, Mr. Jones

That's a good song, y'all.

Later.

Almost forgot, the intro to "I'm Burnin' For You," by Blue Oyster Cult, is pretty much the best intro ever! This is not up for discussion.

I'm still not cool.

I like to watch bad movies. I consider it a personal challenge. Yesterday, I went to see Captivity, and I must say, it was probably the worst movie I've seen in the past 2 years. This movie is so flawed, I'm seriously surprised it got green-lighted, financed, produced, and released. To start with, Elisha Cuthbert lacks the strength to carry the film as she is nothing more than a pretty face. Plus, there's no character development, sub-plots, or even anything really gory. This movie SUCKED! I didn't even get to see her tits, which is what disappointed me the most.

Been listening to the Rollins Band lately. It's good to go back to the 90's, when music was merely mediocre, and not totally fucking horrible.

The weather is nice today. When one works outside, one truly understands and is able to define their own personal "perfect day." To an office dweller, this may simply be: "sunny, with a nice breeze." To an outside laborer, it might consist of: "slightly cloudy, the wind was blowing from the east in light gusts, and when the sun came out, it was already too late in the day for it to be hot, although it was good to feel it on my shoulders." Little differences.

Food shopping today. I've been in a heavy orange period as of late. I should probably buy some apples or pears, or maybe even a banana or six. Smoothies are missed, and need to be brought back.

I think I'll take a walk and finish reading "Me Talk Pretty One Day" by David Sedaris, tonight as well.

See you all later.

A three hour comedy show...

I've got nothing to do this afternoon. No interesting movies are out, no work around the house to do, and exercise is out of the question. Perhaps I'll go to a museum, or maybe write something funny.

If there was a fire at Ikea, I wouldn't be sad. I went there to buy a small rug and ended up almost killing 3 small children. Hitting kids my be wrong by today's standards, but when I was a kid, I never acted up in Ikea(that's right, I lived in Sweden!). Folks, please hit your children.

I've got it! I'll wash my car! As a reward for washing my car, maybe I'll go to Whole Foods.

Anyway you want it, that's the way you need it, hope your day is less mundane than mine!

-BK

Smithfield Street

Recently, I saw Michael Moore's new film, Sicko. I thought it was well put together, and presented a fairly accurate look into the American medical system. Well, at least as accurate as a working-class baggage handler/comic sees it. However, I did have a few problems, and I'll share those with you now..

A. Moore makes no mention of if and how malpractice insurance/lawsuits are handled in Europe. As I understand it, malpractice insurance is a big part of the bills you and I pay when we go to the doctor for our sore shoulder.

B. Health insurance companies are often publicly held. If Americans want better health care, perhaps they shouldn't be buying and trading the stock of their providers on the market. Perhaps is should be illegal for private insurance to be traded??

Other than that, it was good. Although the irony of a multi-millionaire attacking the lack of health insurance for the poor was not lost on me.

Bye now.

Come and get your love.

Rolling Stone magazine is really no longer worth reading. Why? Well, I could go on for years, but let's just say it's kind of awkward for a magazine to heavily promote an eco-concious agenda while accepting ad dollars from Chevy and Camel cigarettes. Also, the reason that Arctic Monkeys haven't broken in the states' is because they suck. Just in case you didn't know.

For years, I was OK with RS. I considered my musical tastes and opinions to be similar to theirs, but today, the proverbial straw broke my back. When I read what they wrote, my head came as close to exploding as it ever has. Here it is in summation: Pete "emo douche bag" Wentz, Fall Out Boy bassist and gossip page regular, was named as a "rock style icon" along with people like the Beatles, David Bowie, and Debbie Harry. What is Pete's style, you ask? A hooded sweatshirt and girl jeans. That's it! Something kids in the suburbs have been wearing for years! Goddammit Rolling Stone! It's like "OMG! WTF!!! LOL!!! TTYL! ;)"

Look for me next Monday at Shadow Lounge, bringing my unique brand of wit and cynicism to East Liberty.

That's all I have to say about that.

Overtime is good. Money is trickling in. Joy.

Did you know Kerry Fucking King (from SLAYER!) played guitar on some of The Beastie Boys' License to Ill? Crazy!

Had some super rad Amy's burritos today. Nummy!

Look for the hilarity this week!

I haven't forgotten about my website, I'm just lazy!

That's about it. Wish me luck with my four hours of sleep tonight!

Hips don't lie.

I can totally understand why that guy shot all those people in Vegas. I hate the New York, New York too!

Just wanted to say that.

Your moves are so raw... I've got to let you know!

I stole this sentence from my Supervisor/drinking associate, Adrian: "I see Slayer is opening up for Marilyn Manson... WHAT THE FUCK!?!"

That about says it all.

Also, the Smashing Pumpkins will be playing at Red Rocks in August. Ben Kenny will be returning to Colorado, motherfuckers. Batten down the hatches, secure the cargo, and make sure your daughter/wife/sister is double-dosed with birth control, I'm gonna be drinking with my homeys at Bennigan's by the DIA.

Got even more overtime today. Double time was rare for me until today. Happy.

Shredding all comers in the Cefalo's contest on July 18th. Be there bitches!

Did I tell you guys earlier that Die Hard 4 wasn't in the same league as it's forefathers? Well, now you know twice!

I am gonna sleep like a rock tonight.

I'm off tomorrow. I might buy a case of beer and drink it. You know, just because.

Outie!

Cuba Gooding should've had a much bigger part, he's way better than Ben Affleck.

Saw Transformers yesterday night, and I must say it didn't disappoint. Yes, they changed Bumblebee into a Camaro, and Megatron isn't a gun anymore, among other things, but overall, miraculously, Michael Bay stayed true to the goals and plot lines of the original cartoon.

It was still a Micheal Bay flick, full of slow-motion hero sequences, bright sun-lit shots, and non-static camera work, but I really liked seeing some of my childhood heroes on the big screen. I'll probably go see it again. It was pretty cool. Although Shia Lebouf's performance wasn't exceptional, I still think he's one of the finer young actors out there today. It's basically him versus Emile Hirsch.

I finally got some fucking overtime.

I've been sleeping too much lately.

G'day mates!

Lights go out and I can't be saved. Tides that I've tried to swim against.

Comedy was shit last night. Utter shit. A world of shit. Not a shit storm though, because use of the word "storm" implies excitement, drama, etc... and none of that happened. Except for Tim Dimond's song about wheelchair basketball. That shit was funny! Look Tim Dimond up on Myspace, and then be his friend, because one day, he's going to be a fucking star.

Food shopping today.

Movie watching tonight.

Slumber after movie watching.

Bathing after slumber.

Work after bathing.

It's time for me to end this. Bye.

...and you shoulda been gone! Knowing how I made you feel...

Vacation was rad, but sadly, due to me not receiving my requested vacation days, all too short. It was still sweet to do absolutely nothing for four days. Also, my parent's alarm clock sucks, as I almost missed my ride to the airport this morning. Luckily, my aunt is very loud.

Transformers comes out tomorrow. Optimus Prime is on my "personal Jesus roster" for sure. Even if the film is good, Michael Bay still owes me ten bucks for Pearl Harbor. That flick sucked!

Found a Noodles and Co. in Wisconsin and was excited to eat there again. It's the little things that help me hold on to my sanity, you know.

Jokes tonight.

Advanced in the Cefalo's contest, again. Look for me rocking the mic on July 18th. You know it'll kinda, sorta be worth it.

96.9 Bob FM plays some gnarly eighties music for sure!

That's all I got.