I'm trying to write some long form comedy. You know, like a humorous story or seven about my wacky daily adventures as a working twentysomething. It's not working out so well, because I don't find my daily life terribly funny or relatable. Dick jokes and pretension will have to cut it until I discover that totally hacky, yet golden comedy goose egg. I'm leaning towards becoming a catch phrase comic, a Myspace celebrity, or a Roastmaster. I think I'd be good at that. Really good. I'm talking Chuck Norris in The Octagon good. I grew up watching Dean Martin, and I love Jeff Ross, and I find insulting people easy enough, so why not?
I saw a super weird looking labrador puppy this morning. It was bred to be beige. You read that right, beige, like the interior of a luxury SUV or something. It was 1500 dollars. It was at the freight house, no doubt headed for greener pastures than Pittsburgh. The police drug and bomb dogs seemed quite jealous of the attention all of the surly uneducated blue collar folk were lavishing on it. It was fucking c-u-t-e!
Dinner preparation went much, much better last night. Fake chicken nuggets, little carrots with ranch dressing, and tortilla chips and salsa. Water to drink. I've been trying to deny myself the pleasure of caffeine after about four in the afternoon if I can help it.
Just a little more than two weeks from now until the Biggie movie comes out! Are you as excited as I am?
I know I need to get the fuck out of Pennsylvania. Why do I need to get the fuck out of Pennsylvania? How do I reaffirm this opinion? Well, maybe because there was a man on my street dragging a King or Queen-sized mattress down the sidewalk while his wife/girlfriend/lover was screaming and crying, walking along behind him. That's why. I might become that one day.
The seem to have an East Coast version of Deadliest Catch now. It's quite lackluster. Actually, that's far too nice. It just sucks. Compared to killer waves, the bitterest of cold, and the amount of work of Alaskan crab fishing, lobster fishing just looks sorta gay. Sure, the personalities are interesting, but let's face it, they just aren't Sig Hansen and his brother. Everyone at work watches it, no matter how many times it's been on before, the channel remains on Discovery. I bet a lot of Seattle/Alaska fishing community people are tired of idiots showing up looking for work as a deckhand. I'm one tough bastard, but I know when I'm not cut out for something. Fishermen are badass. Except for the harvesting and killing of animals. Not cool.
Looks like John Travolta's son has been called home to Xenu. That's what he gets for making Battlefield Earth. Kelly Preston is so very hot.
There's way more to DEVO than just Art Deco hats and "Whip It." Way, way more.
I took my bed apart. Completely apart. I have no plans to put it back together in the near future. I'm tired of constantly making minute adjustments and then having to get used to them.
A fine walk was had last night. It was about forty degrees, and I ambled around for about an hour, entertaining thoughts of several robberies I've always thought would be super easy to commit around my neighborhood. Perhaps another night and some other time, but most likely not ever.
We are all far too introverted. We have the Internet, many, many TV channels, and, for some, even a spouse and/or family to keep us entertained and busy, but how many of us try to experience instead of just learn? I know I've been lacking.
Down from birth!
You guys are probably aware of my distaste for the "underground" label sometimes applied to me, but did you know I also hate being called both "local" and "amateur?" Well, now you do.
A. I'm not "local" in my act. I am not a native of this town or region, and I rarely do more than thirty seconds of things even remotely Pittsburgh-related. Local jokes are great for local rooms and for the many funny local comics, but I'm not training myself for local rooms. They don't know about Primanti Brothers at the Punchline in Atlanta or at Zanies in Chicago, but I think they know about Barack Obama and go to the movies. Feel me?
2. I do not make a living as a comedian... yet. I am not, however, an amateur. Amateurs do things as a hobby. Comedy is a love, not an escape or a stress reliever. I no longer put down comedy and come back to it like it's a paperback or jigsaw puzzle. Maybe I could've been considered an amateur when I was first starting, but I now have begun to develop a voice, work on various skills, and have set myself on an as of yet to be determined path. Amateur. Pssh.
Beautiful Heidi Klum, or beautiful Delta Burke? Clear it up for me.-BK
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