Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The alarm.

Think it's expensive where you live? Well, chances are you're not wearing long underwear, snowmobiling out of necessity, and paying these kinds of prices, so shut yo' traps!

Sometimes, the whole "turn my back on God" thing doesn't work out too well, even though I get laid fairly regularly and always score good parking. On the way to get a new tire yesterday, another tire, a perfectly fine tire, on my car managed to pick up a piece of steel in the tread which almost instantly flatted me while traveling at about warp speed. I hadn't gone to plaid quite yet, but it was close. Also, it was a sum of money I did not want to spend as I'm...

...hopefully getting a house in a month!!

By "getting" I mean buying. By "buying" I mean I will be legally responsible for the repayment of a substantial amount of money for the next thirty years of so. I have now planted a foot firmer into adulthood.

It's really an elaborate means to a very simple end, folks. I found myself lamenting my lack of a dog about a month ago. Voice in my head, which is usually pretty quiet save for urging me to eat the rest of pizzas I've ordered, said, "If you had a house, you could get a dog." I laughed heartily at our foolish idea, but it festered like one of my many sores until it popped into the forefront of my mind. Long story short, I made contact with a few lenders, told them what I wanted to spend, and instead of laughing me out of their offices, they said, "you seem down, let's roll." Which was really weird, as they were all fifty year old white men. So then I started looking around the greater(lesser) Pittsburgh area. I'll tell you fuckers something, the real estate available for what I make in two years in this town is incredible!

As a first time homebuyer, you can get a FHA loan with a low down payment and receive HUGE tax deductions/loans. If you want to own a home for less than you pay in rent, I would recommend looking into it. My credit history/score is fairly shitty, and they still made it happen for me without a problem. Stop throwing money away on rent. Rent is like the strip club, but without the restroom coke runs and titties. You can only have so much fun at a cokeless, titless strip club. Believe me, I've tried.

Oh yeah, said house is actually an over/under duplex, which means I'll be offering an apartment for rent around April 1st or so, so if you're down for a clean, huge, chill ass apartment with entirely new appliances in a quiet neighborhood for under market rent, holla at me! If you have friends looking for a place, holla at them, and then have them holla at me. If neither, tip a 40oz. in moment of fond remembrance of my youth, and holla at whomever, or bark at the moon a la Ozzy in '86.

What's funnier, fat people, or retards? I say fat people, because fat is a lifestyle choice, a physical manifestation of weakness, where as retard is the result of Nature spazzing out on the job.


This is what I miss the most about living in CO/the West. Absolutely unbelievably fun stuff to ride, or attempt to ride. The bike he's on is worth about 6k. Worth every penny if you live out there. Overkill for PA though.

Scott on SoMo from lacemine29 on Vimeo.

You should get on that right away!-BK

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