Friday, February 20, 2009

My every thought of her is lewd and unbecoming of a gentleman.

This recumbency I've been experiencing as of late is driving my ass insane. Don't get me wrong, I'm lazy as fuck, but when forced to be lazy, well, it's hard, OK? It's hard.

My walls are white. I rent. I don't bother to buy art for them. Nothing to stare at. My television can only play so many obscure horror films and episodes of South Park a day. I may go to a museum tomorrow and get myself one of those nifty old people/morbidly obese people scooters to scoot around on. Should be a fun way to whittle away the time. If I don't have to pay out my ass for parking and admission, that is. Aw fuck it, I've seen most of Warhol's stuff anyways. Pittsburgh is Warhol-centric, if you didn't know. As a town, "we" tend to cling to people and things from here, even if those people and things don't always care or need to cling back to us.

Speaking of...


Girl Talk's genius is virtually unparalleled. Formerly a biomedical engineer from just outside of the Iron City, he hears things that no one else can hear, and then he makes them happy. I took my shirt off at his concert once, right after I moved here, and well before he broke. It was an epic, super-mega-fun-dance-like-crazy time. Gregg Gillis for president of being "down."

There seems to always be a stupid amount of drama in the Pittsburgh comedy "scene." People forget that comedy is one of the simplest forms of entertainment, with a clear goal and no rules on how to achieve that goal: Just fucking make them laugh. Make them laugh hard, make them laugh long, and make them laugh from their guts, from their souls, and from the places where political correctness and morals are afraid to go. I can do that, and will do that, until I die. For me, comedy is selfish. I don't care about other comics' success, growth, or failure. I don't care about writing more or less material. It doesn't matter if I'm not welcome in certain rooms. All I care about, every time I perform, is making people laugh. It is a drug unlike any other I've encountered, and it's grip is indescribably powerful. I'm not here to be famous, likable, relatable, or your friend. I'm here to make people laugh. Sometimes I lose sight of that, but it's coming back into focus as of late.

Tried to write busted foot-immobility jokes. Failed!

Expect me to be less of an emo bitch and much more of a whimsical motherfucker on Saturday at Gorman's. Show starts around nine. Holla at me for directions or just Google Map that shit. You can also see the place I'm buying. It's at 54 Highland Ave, McKees Rocks, PA. 15136. Google Maps is tight. Friends have asked when the housewarming party is. Motherfuckers, it's going to be a housewarming YEAR!!!!!

The best songwriters in the world usually aren't the most popular songwriters in the world. Just like with comedians, politicians, and whores.


David Mamet is pretty much as awesome as writer-directors come. In a time when many other writers are examining the human condition and doing other pussy-ass stuff like exploring feelings, his work is usually unapologetically masculine and male-oriented. It's still well-written and well-made, but it's made to appeal to man's desire to be badass and kill. His dialogue is so good it gives my cerebral cortex an erection.

I've put this up before, but this is as good as writing can get. Baldwin dominates this scene with it, which is no small task against these actors.


Hippitus hoppitus.-BK

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