He eats Funyuns all the time.

I recently switched to Old Spice brand body wash. On it's own, that fact is not very newsworthy. However, I have been using Mitchum brand deodorant. Together, these two give off an incredibly manly scent. So what's the big deal, what's the kicker, you ask? Well, later, when I wake up, I'm seriously considering buying some Brut brand cologne. One day, when time travel is perfected(you know it already exists as well as I do) I will travel back to the year 1972 A.D. and I will simultaneously fistfight Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, and Steve McQueen. I will steal the Bullitt Mustang from Steve McQueen and drink whiskey from a flask I took from Lee Marvin, who took it from a kraut he beat to death with brass knuckles during the war. When Charles Bronson regains consciousness, I'll tell him that three Death Wish films are pushing it, and four and five are just sad. What? You already learned about that in Pop Culture class at your liberal arts college? Well then, I've fucking done it!

I really am going to wear all three scents in the near future. When I walk through Oakland(shitty Pittsburgh Oakland, not California Oakland, which is rather shitty too) ironic flowers on the porches of student tenements will whither and die, women will gain 20 pounds and smoke Virginia Slims, and the steel mills will all reopen.

I was going to hyperlink some of the above products and people, but if you don't know who or what they are, there is nothing I can do for you. Kill yourself, but try to kill Miley Cyrus in the process. I don't necessarily want her dead, I just want to be entertained.

Bruce Campbell endorses Old Spice. If it's fuckin' good enough for Bruce Campbell, it's fuckin' good enough for me. Probably too good for you, the reader, though. You see, Mr. Campbell and Mr. Kenny are pretty tough, badass dudes.



These four guys could hang with Bruce and myself.

This guy would be welcome as well.


See, I told you didn't have what it takes.

My balls filed a report from the field earlier. According to them, it's quite humid.

Dancing was a non-thing today. Dead floor.

Well, Philly is just gonna have to blow me.-BK