Connecting you now Sir.

Ding!

The rematch begins in twelve hours.

I bet it's not as much of a human tragedy, because Southerners/Cajuns, although barely literate and lacking cognitive capacity, seem to have the ability to remember what Katrina did, and are getting the fuck out of Dodge, so to speak. Also, the population is not near what it was for Katrina, so that helps.

Here's a thought! Perhaps the people who name hurricanes should stop giving them Eastern European names?! Gustav sounds like a dude who'd be pulling out an action hero's teeth with a pair of needle nose pliers. What about hurricane Jonathan, or perhaps Hurricane Stephen? Just give them all effeminate names, and maybe they will lack the self confidence to ever get past Category 2.

And yes, I do find all of this entertaining. You can say you don't, but on a primal, somewhat hidden level, we all have a sick fascination and take a little bit of joy in the suffering of others. We feel bad about it afterwords, and cut hundred dollar checks during telethons, but it will never change our nature.

On the upside, politics won't be the lead story for at least two days!

I find it hilarious that Bush/Cheney are skipping the RNC in order to devote their full attention to the storm. After all, we all saw what happened to the oil rigs last time around. I can picture a shirtless Cheney, heart surgery scar glistening with sweat and rainwater, battening down hatches on some shit hole oil platform....

Worker #1: Sir, the last helicopter is leaving for the mainland. We need to go, NOW!

Cheney: (Muttering, possibly drunk.) Get out of here. I need to stay! I must ensure the continual rape of Earth's natural resources, no breaks!

Worker #1: I'm going to get drunk and piss on your statue one day, asshole.

----

There are so few true artists left in the public eye today. Marilyn Manson is definitely one of them. I don't worship the guy, but him and his crew can make some kick ass records, and his visual style is beyond comparison.

How do I defend his originality against claims he's a copy of Alice Cooper? Simple, find me another artist, from any era, who sounds, looks, or says things like he does? There is no fear, and he has no lines left to cross.

Plus, he fucks nineteen year-olds, which is always a plus in my book. Shit, smoke em' if ya' got em,' know what I mean?

This is what the First Amendment is all about kiddo.


Not better than the original, but one of my favorite cover songs. Fat beat, yo. Really great "bluesy" solo on this.


Great.(This one is a little graphic, so be forewarned.)


Tomorrow's Labor Day. I have to work, but I plan to dance like I will never work again tonight, body be damned.

I've been tapering off with the booze as of late. I feel this may be a life long battle for me, as I sometime cannot control the speed at witch I imbibe. I always(usually) know when to cut myself off, but I shouldn't be drinking as much as I do. I mean, I'm not even a veteran or anything, you know?

I fail to see how my involvement in the situation can help you.-BK

This place is better.

When you're taking in a view like this in person with a cigar in your mouth, the everyday bullshit of life is easier to forget. At least for a few brief, glorious, moments.

I know I'm a few days late on this one, but you guys are aware that the saxophone player from The Dave Matthews Band died, right? This is very sad, but the real tragedy, the thing that breaks my fragile, black, little heart right in two, is the fact that they apparently don't have any plans to stop touring or recording. There was a time and a place in my life for that band. It was called the year 2000, and it's best left in the past. I used to like this sort of music, but then I developed a sophisticated palate, i.e. stuff that doesn't sound the same. Every Dave Matthews track sounds the SAME! The same! Why keep selling albums? Argh.

The fact that the Republican has chosen a decent looking VP candidate does not make him a decent candidate. She's the Governor of Alaska, which makes my mind scream "oil owns this bitch!" anyways.

I'm staying in tonight. I need to rest. I need to sleep for 12 hours. I need to write. I need to clean. I need to be solitary again. I need it all.

Holy shit you guys, dinner yesterday was fucking fantastic! I made some psuedo-chicken burritos. I diced up the chicken all cube-like, dumped it into a bowl of salsa, dumped that onto two tortillas, dumped cheese and lettuce on top of that, wrapped that shit up, microwaved it for 30 seconds to ensure proper cheese gooeyness, palmed the bastards, and dug in. I wanted to take a picture for y'all, but my camera was out of battery, and the meal was so fine that interrupting it for any reason would have been more disturbing than farting at a seance. I can still taste it if I close my eyes. Mmm...

Three day weekend next week. How to spend it? Backpacking? A little backwoods fun is always a good experience, no matter the weather or company.

One of those songs that for some reason, is never played at 80's night. Makes me sad, as it rules like Mao did.


However, don't songs that are played on Mexican radios have more horns in them?

Heard this on the radio today and had to drive around the parking lot a few times until it was over...


Whatever happened to Natalie Imbruglia anyways? She was never super hot, but always impossibly cute. She is the kind of girl you'd be afraid to talk to if she ever walked into the dives you frequent, but you'd nonchalantly follow her around Giant Eagle at three in the morning like it's no big thing. And you'd call her at work and breath heavily, and when she came home from work she'd find a dead cat on her doorstep, you know, just so she knows you're thinking of her. I certainly be "torn" over having to kill the cat though.

I'm here on overtime, and it's cake. Nothing is better than cake overtime, especially on two hours of sleep. 20 bag offloads are such a sweet change of pace. My shoulder is giddy over it.

I seriously wish my shoulder would just self-destruct already. It's minor pain, not enough to go out "OJI," but certainly enough to make me gruff and uncomfortable. I want it to just fucking explode so I can have it taken care of and be done with it!

Could be good, but probably won't be. Stupid hair!


This has got to be the worst DJ ever. I mean, Christ, it's Friday night!-BK

Worn shoes with fresh soul.

Calves on fire, soaking wet clothing on the floor, note that says "shower" taped to bathroom mirror, and my shoulder hurts a lot.

I was dancing yesterday. Even though I really intended to take it easy and hang loose, dancing prevailed. Fun.

If you talk on your cell phone, in public, at the airport, don't do it near me, as I'm not turning my radio down. I need it to do my job, and to ensure your suburban ass has a nice travel experience. You can tell your husband what to cook your kids for dinner later, but I need to know where to put those transfer bags at now.



In case any of you were coming out to the Obey House, the show has been cancelled. I will let you guys know when it's rescheduled.

Peoples ability to merge is non-existent here in Western Pennsylvania. People will see the fact that a lane is closed, see the flashing signs, see the directional traffic cones, and see everyone else merging, but will still disregard all logic in a feeble attempt to save twenty seconds. I scream in my car almost every day.

I've been gnoshing on this delicious salad all morning. Since I don't really like greens, when I do eat them, I like to make it memorable. I put salsa on it instead of dressing, and I think the decision was smart. Fucking tasty, and lower in fat too boot!

This is effective sex education.


Taking the weekend incognito. Working tomorrow and catching up on sleep.

Look for an upcoming video collaboration between myself and two other PGH comics. It's gonna be groundbreaking. I'll bet your mom's life on it!

Respect Trench Town.


This song has been in my head all day long, and I don't know why. I do know it's awesome, but it's still sonic herpes.


We're not gonna strike.-BK

No one knows how to pick airlocks.

lol.

The number one song on the day I was born, all the way back in 1984, was "Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club. There are far worse songs to have been born to. I was especially bummed that my parents didn't conceive my ass a year or so earlier, as "Africa" by Toto would've been my birth song. If you guys know how much Toto rules, well then, you know, I guess.... or something. A year later, it would've been "I Want To Know What Love Is," by Foreigner, fyi. Somewhere out there, a ten year old kid's birth song is "The Thong Song." Think about that and be happy to be old(er)!

Totastic! (2.8 million YouTube viewers agree!)


Despite my gruff exterior and lack of belief in society, I do believe in love at first sight. If only a big-titted, blond, Nobel prize-winning, multi-millionaire, submissive woman believed too! Especially if she's into borderline alcoholic, budding supervillian, stand-up comedian baggage handlers with a credit score lower than the President's IQ.

So I've got a thing for older women bass players. What of it? I hunt cougar.


It seems like it wants to rain today, but it's not raining. I am happy, because my rain gear smells like feet after a long summer of "riding hard and puttin' away wet." Why wash something when you could just get issued a new one by your employer?

Through my infinite amount of connections and startling ability to read, I was able to procure my ass a free pass to go see Hamlet 2, which I did yesterday evening. It was decently funny, and definitely a welcome change of pace from the "bromantic" comedies that seem to just keep getting shittier in a very subtle but noticeable way. If you lack good taste and like to laugh a little, go see it.


I didn't write about the Democratic convention because the future of this country, of our lives, and of our world is not ever going to be changed by one man. I don't care how many people where his semi-Che inspired shirts. I don't care anymore, and I'm probably not going to vote either. "Hope" my ass.

That movie is not gonna be screened for critics.-BK

Lot of Boners here tonight.

This has got to be the pinnacle of internet mash-ups. Various clips from Star Wars movies, dubbed over with lines from There Will Be Blood. I put this first because it deserves to be watched, so watch it. It's that rad. Watch all ten minutes of it. Drink a milkshake.


Show was incredibly drunk last night. When you go on 13th at a bar show, all hope is lost, so you get hammered and do the best you can with the cards you got dealt. People still laughed, and I got to pet a dog. It was a successful night.

Some days you gotta make your way, the only way you know how...


Instead of "Dixie" my Charger would have a train's air horn. And this would play from the stereo all day.

It would also be jet black, and smell of unfiltered gasoline and awesome. What's that, you don't know what awesome smells like? Too bad.

One day, when I have "fuck you" money, the above will become reality.

By the way, if you're asked what the greatest muscle car is, and you don't say "Dodge Charger" immediately, you're in need of counseling. I bet your Miata couldn't jump the Allegheny.

I would kill for a copy of this on DVD. So great. I grew up watching this constantly on Cinemax.


You know what I'm going to do today kids? Nothing.

I'm well on my way to "Nick Nolte" drunk.-BK

What rhymes with douche?

Absolutely wonderful sleeping weather last night. I actually got to bed before three, which is rare for me. Wrote a little bit of new material as well. Incredible how productive I can be when I'm naked and drunk on a bottle of Vodka I'd had (unknowingly) packed away since I moved from Denver. It was great.

I have ways of telling how many people read this blog, both on blogspot and via Myspace. Some of you are telling your friends. Thanks. In time, I hope to not have to work for my living, and every person you tell about me helps. Every time you come to a show helps. Every person who shakes my hand and tells me I'm funny, well, it means the world. The world. I try not to think to much about it, so when I do let myself think about it, it feels even better. I very rarely tell new people I meet that I'm a comedian, mostly because I don't especially want my friends to come see me. I don't mind at all when you do, but I want to prove myself to a non-biased audience.

A lot of comics fail to understand that the road is a friendless, barren, place, but Terry Jones understands. Terry is a freight train. When other comics are complaining or "on hiatus," Terry is performing, writing, and growing. He doesn't show signs of stopping, and he is one of the very few local comedians who can see past Pittsburgh, and is working toward a professional future. Go see Terry. You won't regret it. He. Will. Be. A. Star!


(I also really like Terry because even though he is very "black," he is also a huge nerd. Check his favorite vids on his YouTube.)

Apparently, the national air traffic control system is down. Again. If you had any idea how common of an occurrence this is, you'd probably shit yourself. I'm not going to tell you, because I don't have that particular fetish.

I've been getting back into grilled cheese. I either subsist largely on grilled cheese or quesadillas. Both are delicious, and usually don't require a fork, so I don't care which one I gravitate toward. But the change in bread texture is nice. Instead of white bread, I've been on wheat lately. I feel healthier, and my poop's color really brightens up the bathroom on those cloudy days.

This makes me happy like a retarded kid gets happy when they go to the Zoo and get one of those plastic animals out of the mold machine. My plastic animal would be a Kodiak bear, in case you're wondering.


The Punisher rules and is awesome because he is motivated and fueled by pure, complete hatred. Frank Castle makes Wolverine look like a pussy. Who needs mutant power when you got firepower??

Look for pics from the show tonight tomorrow. Or just come to the show. Or just log in tomorrow.

Thanks for reading and corresponding with me. Again, it makes me warmer inside. Although I'm gassy today, so you're actually making me uncomfortable. Drats!

When using the moving walks, please face forward, and hold on the handrail.-BK

How does Charlie Sheen do it?

Hey. Know of any competent graphic/web designers who're building a portfolio and will work for free??? Put them in touch with me, as I need to get rolling like the U.S. Wheelchair Basketball Team on my website. It will be relatively simple work, at least I think it will be. I already have ideas sketched out on lined notebook paper. It's college-ruled, but I can redo it on graph paper, or even blank paper, if required. For mad real though, I need someone to help me execute this vision. Just need a front page, pic gallery, and blog page. I already own the domain and hosting space. Simple! Spread the word.

In other news, it was hot as fuck yesterday. I only peed twice in the space of my 20 odd hours of consciousness. Very sweaty, and very dehydrated. I know I was exhausted because I feel asleep, and slept through the evening, with my clothes on, including my combat boots.

Who's rolling out to the Moose tomorrow for laughter and a drink? I say "a drink" because that's literally all I can afford, and it'd better be on draft.

I'm sort of getting into the Kronos Quartet. Interesting stuff.

I'm enamored with this film. It is excellent in a fearless, tasteless, utterly hilarious way! Balls-out horror is the best! This movie is smart enough to know never to take itself seriously. Camp is classic, and always entertaining!


When I watch TV, this is often on.


Slaughter rules!!!!!! This dude could/can sing. He wails, as they would have said back in 1987.


I was singing that in the shower this morning while I shaved my back. It was awesome.

I really don't wear white socks anymore. It's kind of pointless. Dirt is like a land war in Asia, i.e. don't get involved with it.

Press six on a courtesy phone.-BK

At a hookah bar?

Money woe is me. Just when I thought I was good to my next check, life throws me a curve. I'll make it through.

I see Obama has a running mate now. A "typical" politician, i.e. business as usual, no matter who wins.

If you're naive enough to think that the Obama Administration can change anything, ANYTHING, you need to go back to sixth grade. You see, there's this thing called the Senate and the U.S. House of Representatives. It's kind of like the Mafia, but without their style, tact, and Catholicism. Also, the Mafia never takes more the ten percent. They have class. Essentially kids, we're fucked. Don't look for the government to provide you with safety, financial security, or happiness. Look to yourself, or, if you're lucky, your employer.

There is nothing better than coming out of the shower and going straight to clean, fresh sheets. Nothing. Except maybe Honey Nut Cheerios with banana slices and Silk Soy Milk.

The Olympics have ended. Now they can bring all of the desperately poor and uneducated back into Beijing to further the ridiculous double standard bastardization of free market capitalism and communism. And the twelve year olds can get back to what's important in life... like making my Vans slip-ons.

That's why America is failing as a superpower. Our kids have no drive. We're so apathetic that we're being taken by clandestine invasion. Our companies our run by foreign nationals, our goods are exported, our government will not be able to subsidize our industries forever... we will all end up slaves to the the nations we helped to build.

This is one of those songs you hear come on the radio, pause, crane your head in vague recognition, realize what it is, and immediately start singing every word like you've known it all along. Adam Ant.


The gnar being shredded. The cube being gleamed. Ripping, etc...


How many of their emo fans know they're named after a giant flying dog??


We used to slide off the wings.-BK

Lights in the Sky over Cleveland

I am still on a high from the show.

-As mentioned previously, I was tenth row. I was immediately stage left. I was so close I could've thrown a water bottle, underhanded, to the opposite side of the stage from me.

-The opener, Nicholas Megalis, blew me away. This was a one-time gig for him, but wow, I mean, wow. Just his voice, a keyboard/organ, and a drummer. Really impressive. The kid should be famous, but probably won't be, because life sucks. I have never seen a NIN show where the opener was not able to grab my attention. All are hand picked by T. Reznor because they offer originality and freshness, besides kicking ass. If you go to a NIN show, get there for the opener, and pay attention.

-The stage. There were four separate backdrops that worked individually and in unison with each other. It was, hands down, the best stage set-up I have ever seen, and I've seen a lot of shows in my day. At one point, one of the screens was "played" as a drum machine. Mind blowing stage setup you guys. You have to see it live. Pictures and my words could never, ever, do it justice.

-Set was close to three hours. Favorite songs included "Only," "Reptile," "Survialism," "Echoplex," "Gave Up," and "Wish." It was a well-rounded set, good for the old school people and for the hardcore, psychotic fan alike. How much of a fan/pretentious dick am I? Well, I had to ask the guy next to me to stop talking to me during the show.

-Went with sweaty attire. It was the smart decision, as I got soaked. People in my area danced a bit too. This made me uber happy! (Yeah, I did just use the word "uber" in a post. Remember though, I am better than you guys at everything. Except for being lame. You guys rule at that!)

-If Cleveland and Pittsburgh were prostitutes, Cleveland would be the one without the open, puss-filled sore on their lip. In the end though, she's still a bad choice, because her glory days are also far behind her, never to return. While "newer" in appearance than the mighty Iron City, the economic depression and lack of populace were readily apparent to those who knew what to look for.

-11.17.08 Columbus

-12.13.08 Las Vegas (If you want to go to this show, I am willing to get you there, via plane, for free, if you pay for the room.)

Chuck is our fueler at the work. Chuck takes care of business. Chuck is one of my favorite people on Earth!
Got to be fueling something......


Nope, not going to the Jonas Brothers show.-BK

On the broken wings of love.

Dancing was fantastic yesterday. As usual, the people and environment were not fantastic. I hate Belvedere's.

I become more and more like my parents every day. Instead of just buying food and drink at the show tonight, I pre-purchased provisions and will be transporting them with me in my mini cooler. Cashews, Swedish Fish, Gala apples, peanut butter and jelly, some Vitamin Water for strength, and a Mountain Dew for the ride home. I anticipate making it home, but am prepared to catch a few hours of sleep in the car if necessary. I budget like Greenspan.

This song came on last night, and I really, really, really wanted to do coke in a recording studio with wood panelling. I had another PBR and tied my shoe before dancing instead.


I bet that album made more money than his last 3 movies combined!

Why do women do the majority of society's shopping? Because they're easily distracted, and shopping is just a subconscious distraction exercise for them. They are all in my way. I just want some fucking Easy Mac!

I will see this all live tonight!!! Giddy like a schoolgirl. Although I've seen NIN quite a few times, every time is like the first time!


I've got a seat in the tenth row. Bong!

I don't know yet if I'm wearing formal attire or sweating attire. I'm leaning formal, with a change of clothes for the ride home.

Besides make some of the dopest songs of the past few years, Justice understands and embraces the power of the visual medium. I love this song. This song is what unicorns dance to when no one is looking.



Booking shows for September. I am far funnier than I know. Still looking for the focus knob in my head though. When I find it, it is fucking on.

This is like God's remix album.-BK

Rock on for cancer!

I fear that only upon his death will Henry Rollins' post-Black Flag contributions and importance to the counter culture of America be recognized. He's a voice too often ignored. Listen. You might feel weird. It means you're thinking, questioning, pulling away from the controls you've unwillingly put into your life. Think!

This song is good like apple pie. If apple pie got into lifting free weights and Ayn Rand, that is.


He's also very funny.


Yes! Never forget it!



-----
Back in Pittsburgh. Good to be here.

Dancing tonight, roadtrip to NIN tomorrow. It's gonna be radical.

Caught a very minor, brief, ultimately harmless case of "Olympic fever" while at home. I watched the Gold Medal Women's Beach Volleyball match. Mostly because the broads were in bikinis. I don't doubt the massive physical fitness and keen coordination and teamwork it takes to play the game, but I do doubt it's legitimacy as an Olympic sport. Besides the Australians, Americans, Brazilians, and maybe the Canadians, what country's general populace enjoys playing volleyball on a beach, or, for that matter, volleyball in general??

When the Olympics, historically a place to come together and enjoy sports in a fair environment, take place in a country like China, are they even relevant anymore?

200 million people live on less than a dollar a day there. 200 million. Almost the U.S. population. Chances are we all own something one of those people make/assemble for twelve hours a day in order to perpetuate the unknown misery that is their life. You don't have to buy American, but try to buy fair. Start at home. Don't shop at Walmart!! If Walmart is the largest employer in the U.S., then, by proxy, shouldn't it's employees not have to worry about receiving food stamps or catching the bus?? But many of them do. Think!

Crazy neighbors must have some good meth runnin' through the veins. They are productive today. Lots of child beating and motorcycle revving. I think they might've even filled the kiddie pool for their little (literally-->)bastards. Ugh.

I'm an employee, go ahead, it's my pleasure.-BK

Hop Hot Torrid Survey Game Dairy

I was kind of disturbed by the fact that I've been sedentary for about thirty hours, so I took a little trip to the mall that I grew up patronizing.

It didn't make me happy or nostaligc, but it provided a good way to break up the day so far.

I didn't spend any money, as no one had cool-ass shoes in my size(which is a mere 10/11). I did, however, make a dollar doing a survey. For bonus fun, I even gave a fake name and phone number, in addition to answering every question 180 degrees from how Ben Kenny would have answered. That's living.

It's kind of funny how my home suburb is dropping new real estate development like Brendan Fraser drops shitty movies, but every 7th house seems like it's up for sale at a fairly exhorbitant price. Is everyone saying: "Let's get Panera for lunch and default on the mortgage!"? The fuck?

Totally caught two episodes of Mad Men yesterday. The vacation is now considered a massive success.

Didn't get to go out last night, which places extra drinking/"living it up" money in my pocket, which means my ass is going to fucking Cleveland!!!

My dog is so old. So very old. This hurts me. This means, by applying logic and the laws of physics, I am getting older as well. He will most certainly die much, much sooner than me, which makes me very sad. I don't get sad about much(not even Nickelback's success) but this bums me out.

I watched the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget the other day, and I am convinced that Gilber Gottfried is one of the funniest people to ever live. He makes me roll, fucking ROLL on the floor with tears in my eyes. A fascinating and rare talent, especially in an older comic. He's blue like a Smurf.



Mostly just drinking.-BK

What was the name of the farm next to the Hill house?

When you live check-to-check, skimming by in life, chilling at your parent's home, your childhood home, is equivalent to staying in a four-star hotel.

-Air Conditioning
-Cable
-Refrigerators and Freezers so full you can't see to the back of them without squinting.
-Extra pillows
-Otis!
-Nothing to do, and all day to do it.
-Pooping on a toilet you grew up pooping on. Maybe only guys will understand the magic of this.
-Showering in the shower you grew up showering in. Your body remembers the water pressure, and when you get the temperature right, it's like time travel. But I can see my feet now, and I'm slightly more hairy.

No videos today, as I've got no need to entertain myself via Youtube. Mostly because I've been repeatedly waking my dog up from his endless days of slumber, watching There Will Be Blood, and not wearing pants, even though my sister is here.

We're adults now, but I'm still the sibling that doesn't wear the pants in this family goddamnit!

I've always been astounded by the people I meet and conversations I get into. I'm not the friendliest looking person, or the friendliest person in general, but I somehow just keep meeting the right kinds of people. People who don't suck.

Met some cool folks yesterday at Taco Bell. People who "get it." I hope to see them around town.

Met a fellow on my flight yesterday who was a retired Coast Guard officer. He currently manages a fleet of cargo ships. The kind of cargo ships that carry containers around the world. It was interesting learning about his life and the places he's been.

As an added bonus, I worked my magic on a flight attendant and was able to schmooze my way into an emergency exit row. I'll take the legroom along with the responsiblility of throwing a door open in the event of a water landing. In truth, I'd likely, probably, just let all of us in the middle of the plane burn the fuck up, depending on my mood and the general level of stupid I'd observed from a few of the passengers yesterday.

Back in Pittsburgh, my HOME, on Thursday evening. Eighties dancing and hipster ignoring all night long. PBR out of a can. Classy.

Still on the fence about NIN in Cleveland Friday. Anybody wanna carpool it?

No way, no fucking way that was possible. That was amazing!-BK(watching French dude on the rings in gymnastics yesterday evening.)

Walking on sunshine, and it burns a bit.

Sunday night is the best night of the week for me. Without question. Drinking and dancing to industrial, hard, aggressive music in a dirty bar with people dressed in black followed by a seamless transition to a mostly gay after hours club, where we dance to Top 40, and get "cruised" in the bathroom by Abercrombie clones. Totally Hot. Then, we go to the type of restaurant one would never patronize unless they were drunk and/or it was the only place open at 4am. Life's troubles are given a "fuck off, dick" every Sunday night without fail. Fun times!

There are more dishes on the floor in my room than in the cabinets in my kitchen. The dishes aren't clean. If I can keep my body smelling worse than the dishes, a fragile peace can be had.

I don't care about Michael Phelps. At all. He can't do this, but that's not why I don't care. He embodies everything that's bad about America. He is greedy, selfish, arrogant, and wins through science and being well funded. I'm sure he has heart and grit too, but I'm fucking tired of hearing about him!


Man. And I thought I was pissing fire after that ill-advised trip to West Virginia! Ba dum bum.

I cannot count the number of ways in which this makes me very, very happy.


A nice vintage.


There are many, many bands today that need to be tied to a chair, have their eyelids taped open, and be forced to watch the above for hours upon hours upon hours. That's rock and roll right there!

Axl shares a birthday with me. Every year. He's in the lead by a few years though. Reagan shares a birthday with me too, but fuck that dead Republican twat.

I made an Axl-like grunting sound this morning. I was pooping though, so it wasn't sexy. For most of you at least. I however, am sexy even whilst poopin'.

If I had to name myself after a car part and a flower, I think I'd be "Piston Petunia."

Seriously though. To be alive and living in Hollywood, near the Sunset Strip in 1984-89!? Seriously.

We need to get matching tattoos. Group discount!-BK

Alpa Chino

Saw Tropic Thunder. I thought it was pretty funny, but the Jack Black character should've been cut out, the film needed streamlining. The bad press about the "retard" language seemed to make people afraid to laugh at lines that were very, very funny and not very offensive. IT'S ONLY A MOVIE. Robert Downey Jr., Nick Nolte, Matthew McConaughay(sp?), and Tom Cruise held this film together. Ben Stiller is nothing if the support actors aren't funny. He's lucky he can choose well.

Metal will never die.

Ever!


EVER!!!


EVER!!!!!


Damn those riffs were fucking tasty! You're welcome!

Don't be afraid to look for music you love. Think of a CD/record/MP3 file as a nice sonic orifice you can fuck over and over again. My personal orifice is currently anything by Ladytron.

Drink cheap beer and Jack Daniel's, call in sick to work, and LIVE LIFE!

----

Dancing until dawn tomorrow, an entire lazy week in Chicago immediately after that. Gonna chill with my dying dog and watch cable. I hope to catch Mad Men a few times. Wisconsin is a no-go, but I'll survive like Danny Bonaduce. Inexplicably, that is.

This is the first weekend in forever that I haven't gone out on a Friday OR a Saturday night. Weird. I should probably clean something in order to complete the circle of lame I've begun.

Maybe in town for a show Monday night at Shadow Lounge, maybe not. Either way, y'all sons a bitches need to get your asses out there and support local artists in this festering metropolis. We need audiences like we need booze. Some of us don't drink, but you get the idea. We need to feed off of your energy, and it's not the kind of energy you can send from an armchair in Monroeville. SHOW UP AND SUPPORT US! It's a free show, btw.

If you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to give you a prostate exam with my right foot.-BK

All for the nookie.

Weird how the days of my life all seem to meld into one another. I don't know if it's good or bad, but it does mean I seem to have fallen into a routine, which makes me lean towards bad.

What should I do to break up said routine???

It must be broken because I am a man in my mid-twenties with no obligations. No family of my own, no wife/mate, no property, no tethers to a life. I fear having a routine of any sort is a start down the road I have no interest in traveling at this juncture in my existence. Maybe someday, but not tomorrow, or within the next seven or eight years.

Maybe the next week spent drunk in Wisconsin will shed some light on an answer hiding in the dark corners of my mind.

I'm seriously concerned that I'm on the road to becoming an "only when I've been drinking" smoker. Well, considering my shitty diet, healthy drinking habit, and dangerous and stressful job, my health is fucked, so screw it! I don't see a problem with this, unless I have to actually buy the cigarettes.

I still won't dance with a cigarette in my hand though. Gay.

This was so funny I read it twice! Priceless absurdity. Priceless picture.

I posted the below a few days ago, but the link seemed to die out right quick-like. I post it again with the reasons why Kylie Minogue is a favorite.

"This is unbelievably good. This is how pure, raw, 100% real dance music sounds. No samples, no altered vocal tracks, no guest spots. The length of the track is just right, just enough to get deep into without getting lost in it or tired out. This is all about throwing up your arms, shaking your shoulders, and flowing. She should be more famous than Jennifer Lopez. It's a shame she isn't. She deserves it, and she IS FUCKING GORGEOUS! She's forty years old and far sexier than most anyone out today. The secret? She knows how to carry herself like a woman, and doesn't appear desperate for attention, ever."

Step outside of your musical comfort zones. Unless it's the Jonas Brothers. They're like Maroon 5 with even less balls and no beer or skanks backstage. They were on the cover of Rolling Stone. What. The. Fuck!?

Although I no longer aggressively ride BMX, I'm still able to find inspiration in the people who do it for a livin'.

Muscle it out. No surrender. No quitting. Hustlin'


What happens when you mix a creative mind with massive physical talent?


(The band is Autolux. They're one of the bands cool kids like me have been on for three years. You down yet?)

To be in your forties, and to live life on your own terms... that's a dream I hope never dies for me.


I'm developing some sweet calluses on my feet. Maybe I'll kick boards for fun or something now.-BK

A thief in the night.

I went to my first ever Pittsburgh Pirates game tonight. I went because it was free, a little break in life's monotony, and because, if only for a little while, in small doses, I like to feel All-American. It was so-so, as I still spent 30 dollars on beers and nachos.

Then I went dancing, which was not as fun as I'd hoped it would be. The floor was very drunk, and very douchey.

Possible winter second job on the horizon. It's easy as cake, and pays well to boot!

I think I will be in Chicago next week. Look for me in all the old familiar places. Like my parent's family room, watching Comcast On-Demand and drinking beer, or in Wisconsin, doing as little as is humanly possible. I would make some sort of monk comparison there, but it takes time and effort to learn Zen, and that isn't worth it to me.

He's pretty awesome, even today.


They still sell a million albums a year. This song is the antithesis of "pop." Cat dresses!


Oh, don't fret little ones, I still fucking rock.


Tired.

The answer was cholesterol. I'll be damned.-BK

The Colour of money.

I've drank over a hundred ounces of soda pop today. If I keep it up, I will soon be fat like Biggie was, but at least I'm a nominally better rapper/MC.

What is the male version of the fabled "little black dress?" I think it's shaving your back. When you shave your back, you know "it" can't be too far off. I don't shave my back though, as I have hopes of transplanting that hair to my hairline someday.

If y'all like to throw punches, jump up and down, drum on your car's steering wheel, scream loudly, slam beers, wear wife beaters, snort E, shop at Hot Topic, head bang, tailgate, drop out of school, get tattooed, do shots, drink Monsters, not bathe, or just plain enjoy letting aggression out in a non-public shooting kind of way, you'll probably like Slipknot. It's not cool or hip to like them, but when the time and place is right, and you'll know when, they're just about tailor-made. Under appreciated and not respected enough for the art they make and the artists they are. GOOD STUFF!


Seriously.

Mushroomhead is still way better though. By leaps and bounds.

Working both off days again this week. Psh.

The best straight-up rock and roll band in the world? I don't necessarily agree for sure, but I sure as hell ain't betting against 'em!






Live, they sound nothing like they do on the record, which is good, because it's rock and roll. If you don't understand why it's good, you need to stop breathing on a permanent basis.

I realize I should probably shower, but really, why bother? After all, I'm sitting here, indian style, eating ravioli(organic, of course) straight out of the can while some ice cream defrosts near my crotch. I'm not wearing a shirt either. Maybe I'll chain a dog to a cinder block and throw empty cans of Natural Ice at it later. Class act.

Possibly in Chicago or Cleveland next weekend. I haven't decided yet. Time, as it has a knack of doing if you wait long enough, will tell.

Dancing at the new place tomorrow evening. I truly did have fun there, despite the hipsters. We'll see if I can repeat it. I know I can if Blondie, New Order, and The Purple One are involved. I will never drink Pabst Blue Ribbon out of a bottle. That's just dumb! DUMB!

I'm going to see Tropic Thunder. I don't care about the controversy. This aggravation needs to be directed towards the fact that society, by and large, chooses to exclude the "intellectually disabled" from virtually all of it's endeavours, with politics and fast-food dining room clean up being notable exceptions. The film doesn't make fun of any single person, and it's not out to be intentionally hurtful to them. Shit, just give them a hug and take them to the zoo. That ought to shut them up.

He's picking up on things pretty quick.-BK

Do not ask me again.

I had fun today. Open mic at the Smiling Moose. I went on second to last, which means I had a bit of time to watch comics, some mediocre, some funny, and get nicely, warm and fuzzy, drunk. I was quite ripped when I got up, and I just went off on the world in general. It was as if I could superimpose Tom Petty's "Freefallin'" video over the room and just fucking rip. By this point in the evening, most of the room had lost interest, and began holding conversations of their own, but I didn't care, as the five or six folks still paying attention were smiling and laughing. That's what it's all about, no matter what the room or locale. It's about bringing and seeing joy in people's faces. It is more addictive than crack, and it feels better than most people will ever know. Good fucking times! Good to feel the energy.

It is still cool here, which is awesome, as I no longer sweat while sleeping in the nude. I actually shivered a little last night with my windows wide open and all, but experienced no shrinkage, which impressed my imaginary girlfriend/right hand in the morning. We listened to The Cure as we made love, and it was magical.

Goddamn, this Morningstar double cheeseburger on white bread with the garlic pretzel crisps is mad good. The water I'm drinking is cold and clear, too!

Her hair drags you in, but the music oh so good. She sorta looks like a pig, but a pig I'd nonetheless put my penis in and thrust until I ejaculated. Sorry if that offended you, random members of my family and friends of my mother who, apparently, are reading this on a regular basis. I know my friends aren't offended. Filthy bastards!

Robyn is realer than real!


I watched a comic tonight, who, while original and funny in presentation, was clearly influenced and probably idolizes this man. At least he has good taste.


(His name was Mitch Hedburg. Dane Cook busts a nut to him and cries himself to sleep.)

The above video is funny enough to watch twice. It's rare to see "the funny" brought out like that. It's "Viet Cong" style funny.

I don't know what I meant by that last statement either, just watch that fuckin' vid two times!

Let's just focus on the first thing. After all, first thing's first.-BK

I went to the same strip club two different times this weekend.

Why do men find it fun to overpay for entry, drinks, and the affection of women while listening to music best left on jukeboxes at truck stops?

Because tits and ass are awesome, that's why!

Both trips combined only cost me 24 bucks, which isn't much, so it's cool. I don't really get into getting lap dances, as I have people who are glad to provide the service to me for free, and I don't have to pay extra to have them blow me. I think ten bucks on a Friday night and six bucks on a Sunday night is a worthwhile investment for some "titage" and a good time with friends. I don't need to see them up close, have a girl make fake-ass eye contact with me, or prove to me that her asshole is bleached. The atmosphere is the same from the back of the room, and my wallet stays relatively heavy.

11/09/08. Metallica. Columbus. Who's down?

This is unbelievably good. This is how pure, raw, 100% real dance music sounds. No samples, no altered vocal tracks, no guest spots. The length of the track is just right, just enough to get deep into without getting lost in it or tired out. This is all about throwing up your arms, shaking your shoulders, and flowing. She should be more famous than Jennifer Lopez. It's a shame she isn't. She deserves it, and she IS FUCKING GORGEOUS! She's forty years old and far sexier than most anyone out today. The secret? She knows how to carry herself like a woman, and doesn't appear desperate for attention, ever.


A lot of you may be too "cool" to like dance music/dancing, but if you say you're a music lover, and you don't dance, ever, how can you truly love music? Music is meant to move more than the soul, bitches! Besides, everybody looks stupid when they dance, but you look even dumber with that sour-puss look on your face as you lean against the wall drinking your eighth RedBull and vodka.

Dance music/culture is a genre without borders, age limits, or a shelf life. It is simultaneously underground and worldwide. It has many faces, and they are all fun, free, and ALIVE! I've never met a person who didn't smile back at me on a dance floor, be they Industrial/Electro, Eighties, Indie, Gay, Straight, or "none of the above.(my category)" I hope I never will.

Very poor.

Raise next month. Gonna be able to afford that big spread in Colorado any day now.

Show tomorrow night. Oh how I long for the blinding glare of stage lights and the reek of a cigarette filled room.

I did a show for three people on Saturday night, and I had an absolute blast. A while back, I decided to stop caring about things a lot of entertainers consider important, and it's working for me.

This is in heavy contention for favorite NIN song of all time. It does not even exist on a released studio recording. I was fortunate enough to see it performed three times live. It rules like Russia in Georgia. It will knock you out like LL Cool J circa 1992. By now, you know I am of far better taste than you. You're welcome.

nOn-eNtiTy


I meant to post this a few weeks ago. It makes me laugh, because me dog is this stupid as well. On a parallel subject, I got to pet a Great Dane last night. They are the coolest, most gentle animals to hang around with. If you love dogs/animals, I hope you get the chance to be in the presence of a Great Dane, even if only for a little while.


I continue to diet, work out a tad, and lose weight. While not yet noticeable to the general public, I love the way my body is changing, and how it's starting to look. It's better to look good than feel good, but I feel good too!

Money trouble prevents me from seeing Pineapple Express. I am saddened.

This song will never be cliche. It's so great. Scream the chorus with me when you see me on the floor. Don't worry, I'll take the verses, both male and female.


The only reason to stop eating pizza is because there is no more. Or maybe because there was fucking pepperoni under the cheese! Argh!

That sort of thing often happens in the bathroom stalls of a place like this. Best not to fret about it.-BK

Giant Eagle droppings.

It feels so good to have a day off. In addition to being off today, I danced and hung out until about 3:30 AM last night, enabling me to catch around ten hours of sleep today. Waking up at 2pm is the best. Mostly because I know that I could have spent the time cleaning my house, exercising, looking at the porno mag I bought as the night ended, or writing stuff, but I just fucking slept. Sleeping makes me feel alive.

People always bitch about shopping for food on Sunday. I don't understand why. I spent about half an hour shopping today, and I found beautiful women in every aisle of the store. It's probably because I was following these two college girls, but still.

Another thing, if you have a daughter who is a "tween" don't let her fucking dress like she's in her twenties. My libido is strong, and I am morally weak, so beware!

Don't let her read Cosmopolitan either.


'Cosmopolitan' Institute Completes Decades-Long Study On How To Please Your Man

Hanging out a bit tonight and working all week long like a dog. The temperature seems to have cooled for a while, so that's something.

Smiling Moose show Tuesday night. I might not perform, but I will be in attendance. Tell me how much you love me and buy me a Dale's Pale Ale. The best canned beer I've ever tasted, I tells ya!

Here are three bits from the greatest comedian of all-time. Not my favorite comedian. The greatest comedian of all time. He is why I do comedy. He's been dead fifteen years and NO ONE HAS COME CLOSE TO HIS LEVEL. Denis Leary sucks!

Great.


This is perfection.


This is how you insult somebody. My favorite bit of all time. The very definition of "killing."


This blog has ended for today.

But, if there is no bread, how can you eat chicken patties??-BK

Thrash Unreal

Comedy has lost another giant.

Bernie Mac passed away due to complications from pneumonia at 50, an age where some argue life is at it's sweetest.

I don't know about that, but I do know that Bernie Mac had the ability to genuinely make me laugh from my gut, which, if you know any of us jaded comics, is an extraordinary talent.

His comedy wasn't necessarily solely about the Black experience in America, or even geared towards black audiences. It was about everyday life. About being poor and striving. About having and giving respect. About how a man should live his life.

When I was 19, I worked the overnight shift at a K-Mart in the south suburbs of Chicago. Mr. Mac would come in every few weeks, late into the evening/early morning, and shop. I never really spoke to him, as I hadn't started doing comedy seriously yet, but I'd watch him on our store's security cams. He seemed very carefree, maybe because he could just be Bernie, an average guy, unrecognized and left to his own devices. It kind of drove home the fact that celebrities are normal people too.

He co-starred in one of the biggest grossing and most successful stadium comedy tours of all time, worked steadily in film for over 15 years, and had an acclaimed show of his own on Fox, which was really, really good. So good that it reminded me of a modern version of The Cosby Show. It was that well put together.

You know how I know I really liked Bernie Mac?? I paid money to see him star beside the deplorable Ashton Kucher in the remake of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?.

Also, he very rarely used the dreaded "N-word" onstage, which, in my opinion, is a crutch that weaker, less refined, and less creative comedians lean on all too much these days. It's not cool because Eddie Murphy did it, and comedy isn't gangsta rap.

I will miss his presence.

------

Not only did I survive an impromptu night of strip-clubbing and random adventure, I made it into work on time and awake! Take that, stomach flu! It's gonna take more than that to bring this beast down!

Show tonight. Excited.

Finally a day off tomorrow. 12 days straight. It may not be much to you, but do you throw thirty pound bags in broiling sunlight all day?

That's what I thought, bitch.

I've smoked three cigarettes and a cigar in the past month. This is a severely disturbing trend that must end. I should probably drink more whiskey and less beer.

White trash neighbors are talking about Toby Keith while listening to Judas Priest.

Judas Priest is not white trash in nature mind you, I just find the situation and circumstances highly weird.

Toby Keith is the lowest common denominator of what could be considered remotely entertaining. He makes Jimmy Buffet look like Beethoven. Toby Keith sucks. Sucks hard. Toby Keith is Tory Spelling's afterbirth.

This is alternately scary and hilarious. Certainly the second best thirty-six seconds you'll ever experience. The first? Sex with ol' BK of course! You probably won't require therapy after this though. "Probably" being the operative word.


A King at work.


I wish the wind would blow through here.-BK

Not only does John Edwards get elected to The Piece of Shit Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility, he gets his own fucking statue! His wife had/has cancer, he's a star Senator with aspirations of the Presidency, and an inspiration to Americans of many colors, and creeds, and he goes and sticks his dick into some broad.

And I say "broad" with the utmost respect. He could've (I would've!!) boned any number of prime-cut college girls, but he fucked some chick who was in her thirties. It's very "Ol' Dirty Bastard" in it's sheer audacity and genius.

I don't think the kid is his. If history has taught us anything, it's that Southern Democrats usually spray on clothing, not "in the chamber."

My favorite thing about it, easily, EASILY, is that he tries to justify it because he "didn't love her."

Brass balls ladies and gentlemen. I bet he polishes them to a high sheen. Depending on how adventurous and torrid they were, I bet she could even see herself in them!



Again, he could've traded up, way up, in fact, but he played the hand he was dealt like the man he is.

It's not like he's responsible for lies that sent thousands of young Americans to an early death or disability. It's just a little affair! His wife won't be alive forever. Good politicians need to have plans for the future, and they need to execute those plans.

Good on you, John Edwards!


------

Dancing was awesome yesterday.

It was a relatively new room for me.

I tend to stay far away from this establishment, as it reeeeeksss of hipsters, whom I tend to hate/despise/abhor/loathe/pity more than any other young-adult demographic.

I hate this room so much in fact, that if I were to wish a club fire/stampede on any place in the whole wide fucking world, it would be upon Belvedere's.

Wait! On second thought, maybe not, as the influx of news stories about the tragic loss of "pretty, indie rock grad student," "free-spirited artist," and "just getting started in life/new to the big city former high school football player," would be certain to induce thoughts of suicide.

I think about suicide often. It's why I don't own a gun.

Yesterday, walking across the 41st Bridge on the way to the club, I didn't think about jumping, even once, until my return trip. I think a good way to go would be jumping off a bridge onto a coal barge, as your body could go undiscovered for a while, and you might create a nifty little mystery for the cops. That's be nice, final, "blow me" to the government. Less messy than a suicide bomb too.

Anyways, I was able to parlay my lack of happiness into a wave of pure dance energy, catapulting myself into a few stress and thought-free hours of total fun.

Seriously. I sweated so much I was able to wring water out of the money in my pocket. STOKED!

It was pretty sweet, even if the sound and bass went in and out like the tide. The music could've been a little better, but dancers can't be choosers. That's why the DJ is the DJ. Trust in them. Unless you're at an ultra-lounge or other higher-end nightclub, in which case, I won't be there, so do whatever you want.

Overtime tomorrow. Came home sick today, but will focus my chi and go in tomorrow. Money is good.

I added a vid that was miss-posted to yesterday's post. Watch it, or Jesus won't come back!

What? No vid posted for today??? Aw fuck it, here we go!

This one's for John Edwards!



If you don't own Radiohead's newest album, you're not cool.

"Feed My Frankenstein" is, unequivocally, the best work Alice Cooper's ever done.-BK

Americana persona non-grata.

This is pretty awesome. Sorry it took me a while to be "on it," but the deep house groove and hooks in this song are really cool and make my ears smile.


I think I might work both off days again this weekend. Exhaustion is financially beneficial.

Store shelves are empty, well, really, "sparse" is a better word. Is a hurricane blowing in? Nope, just a Steeler game.

I listen to this song when I workout, and occasionally when writing. It's my generation's "Eye of the Tiger," although I listen to that song quite often as well.


Kanye is the cool version of Obama. He is hope personified! Kanye for President!

Seriously though. The man influences me. Brave as fuck and raw as shit!

A reason to go on living???

This is the 1984 of "comic books." The good guys lose, but the journey is spectacular! So looking forward to this. Might make The Dark Knight look like Carrot Top's Greatest Hits.

(I actually love Carrot Top though. For mad real!)

Why I am writing this shit?

I have to:
1. Poop
2. Shower and shave
3. Eat
4. DANCE!!!!
5. Shower again.
6. Sleep.
7. Burn the world.

I understand. Just don't call me Raj.-BK

uber pwn3d

I don't know about this. I mean, I don't doubt this gentlemen had something to do with the anthrax and whatnot, but it seems a little too "off" to be completely legit. I don't believe how a guy who was supposedly unstable was able to get his security clearances renewed multiple times, and have no criminal history and very few mental issues until his involvement in this case... It's shady. Kind of ridiculous it took seven years to find him. Pathetic, actually. What if the CIA had a hand in this, exposing Americans to anthrax in a convoluted effort to bolster support for The War on Islam. Oops!! I meant "The War on Terror." The sad thing is, a lot of us would have no problem believing such a thing. Fishy indeed.

I hauled a bunch of food into work today. I usually have a good amount of food cached around work, but what I brought in today keeps me prepared for nuclear winter. Or a few weeks of regular work. I already burned my wrist with steam from the vegetable bag. My food is all vegetarian/healthy, so naturally, I never have to worry about it getting "misplaced." No one even touches my Diet Mountain Dew. Sweet.

When you wash clothes and tip a hot, Evergreen-fresh basket of linen onto your concrete floor that was formerly covered in your own feces, urine, and dirty dishwater, it's kind of a downer. I cleaned it, but if you know me, you know I clean like the Pirates play baseball, i.e. very poorly.

(Another shitty sports joke. Pittsburgh is seeping into my very being! AHHH!!!)

Every see Oprah's minge and Gary on South Park? It has to be my favorite episode of all fuckin' time!

...and knowing is half the battle.






(I'm not drunk. But I am nostalgic. Sober nostalgia is a new thing. It's cool. Different. Interesting. It isn't flaccid like it usually is...)





Although I somehow turned out to be a relatively good person(in public, at least) I don't recall much of anything my parents taught me. But I knew most of the above be heart. Memory is weird.

Actually, I do remember "the talk" with my father. He chose to have it with me in a car on a highway, during a long ass trip somewhere. I don't know where we were going or why we were going, but I remember how awkward that shit was. It was probably awkward for him too. It worked though. I wear condoms like rappers wear bling. Oversized and gaudy.

I have no desire to procreate. I'm thinking of getting a vasectomy, just to be sure of it. I can always adopt a kid who's housebroken and able to open a fridge and use a microwave if I change my mind.

Reggae comes from the soul, but if you aren't Black, it's best to let it stay quietly inside of you. Trust me. I wouldn't steer you wrong, except if it was for my own sadistic pleasure. So, uh, don't trust me? Fuck it.

New dance venue to be attended tomorrow. I'm bringin' it. Don't worry, there's more than enough to go around!

Packing tape would've done the job.-BK

I do it for the Lord(of Darkness!).

Set was delectably good tonight at the Moose. I actually had a bit of fun, which is rare when I'm performing. Thanks a million to Mr. Rocco Supreme for having my ass out, and for supporting, promoting, and giving real alternative comedy a place in Pittsburgh. Depending on your outlook, there is a special place in heaven or hell for Rocco. Rocco made me laugh tonight, which means he gets to stay with me in Purgatory. I guess my version of it would involve Domino's pizza and Eva Longoria as well. Eva Longoria is a stupid cunt(totally warranted and legit!) but is oh so hot. Woof. Woof. Ruff.

Hey, asshole, just FYI, being "alternative" does NOT mean I'm "underground" per se. My comedy is not meant or intended to ever, EVER, be secret. I want to stand on stage, four nights a week, for my living, and I want to do it by my rules, and on my terms. I will piss on Carlin's grave while reading aloud from Larry the Cable Guy's numerous "books" if the money is right. This is not a hobby. This is a life long passion, an addiction, and a calling! Also, it occasionally gets me laid.

I typed the last paragraph really aggressively. If it was a girl, I would've hit her a few times. You know, to get the juices flowing.

The funny. Respect the ultra-liberals like the minds at The Onion, as we'll one day be bowing do them, saying "namaste" as we drink recycled body fluids in a rehabbed loft we pay too much money for.

Yes, I'm drunk, surly, and quite sweaty. Deal with it!

I hate bars because shirts you wear for barely an hour always, always, end up smelling like cigarette smoke. This must be what it's like to be a hipster, save for the Master's degree, job waiting tables, and knowledge/love for obscure Eastern European poets.

Barack Obama shirts are prevalent. I guess "hope" is easy to come by when you're still living at home. His ads are reminiscent of Che. Let's kill everyone who does not agree with us.

I got a little too drunk. I'm on a budget. Thursday night is already negated for the week. I'll stay in and watch Monster Squad again.

Another sign of impending oldness? My week is "planned-out." If I had an extra towel, one that doesn't smell like my ass and wouldn't shine like the sun under a blacklight, I would most certainly be throwing it in right about now.

It never gets old.


Axl Rose wishes it could be 1992 forever. I do too, but only in a "sort of" kinda way. I love my MacBook (Pro, bitches) too much to be full-on with my retro desires.

Hate/adore Family Guy. Regardless of feeling, this is funny. November Rain was still playing while I watched the vid. Surreal as fuck!



I am fucking lost here.-BK

Time to take the red pill.

I often think of the people I see while driving.

Where are they going? Why? Do they have to be there on time? Are they late? Do they have real, concrete dreams, or are they going through life's motions?

Then I snap back to reality right before I almost rear-end the car in front of me, hitting the brakes and launching my CD's and lunch into the foot bay of my passenger side. Life is such a drag, but if I feel alive for that moment, it's worth it.

I've taken to ultra late night/early morning bike rides again. Good way to soul search without feeling the need to be hammered. Constructive both physically and mentally. I should make an infomercial or some shit.

For some reason, I couldn't get this picture to upload, but check this link out. There are no words for how sweet it is.

Mexican food is really tasty. What is the default foreign food in Mexico? I bet it's haggis! It's haggis, isn't it?

People have been noticing that, apparently, I am skinnier. My belly button keeps getting shallower. Innie, here I come!

Like many nerds, I have been on a heavy, heavy Christian Bale kick lately. Check out The Machinist, The Prestige, and especially American Psycho. He goes one hundred percent into his work, and is brilliant! Bale is the heir apparent to those two old Italian American gentlemen everyone seems to hold so dear. Hopefully he won't make buddy comedies with whoever takes Ben Stiller's place in twenty-odd years...

Seriously, who didn't think of doing this to Jared Leto in real life after he started getting interviewed about 30 seconds to Mars... all the goddamn time. You're not fucking Bono, Jared. You're not Chris Martin. You're not even Michael Stipe. Talk less, act and sing more!




Four more days until a day off. It will be magical. MAGICAL.

Quesadillas are making a big culinary comeback in my world. I'm even considering eventually purchasing a quesadilla maker. Mad suburban. I guess I should start feeding kids after their soccer practice or whatever. I'll probably need to get some sort of windowless work van as well. Don't want anybody to be uncertain.

They're certainly no Jonas Brothers, but they'll just have to do for today..


The laundry pile is my personal K2.-BK