That felt great. Sleep.
I wanted to sleep as soon as I got home from work last night, but I took a shower and went out for a short while, which turned into me being out until closing time. Oh well. A life lived smartly and healthily during normal hours isn't much of a life.
I came home, took off my dancing shoes, removed my belt, unbuttoned my pants, and immediately fell asleep. Exhaustion like I hadn't been through in a while.
Seems like shows are drying up because of the season. Fucking Jesus.
When you get down to it, Christians are very masochistic in their choice of holidays. Pain abounds. Christmas celebrates birth, Easter, death, and the rise of Zombies. The chosen symbol of virtually all Christian religions is a cross, the constant reminder of pain and suffering. Jesus was the first Criss Angel or something.
Need to wash all of my shirts, as the "pile" has begun to dwarf the stack of clean shirts across the room from it. It told me in private that it feels intimidated by the pile. Can't have that going on in my house.
This dude needs to hit the road again! Watch the whole thing. Funny.
Big blue jeans or big blue dreams?-BK
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Hysteria when you're near.
I think the worst part of losing an arm would most definitely be having to have all of your long-sleeved shirts altered, or maybe the phantom feelings and extreme pain. Obviously, you couldn't even do it on your own. You'd need to ask for help, which would make people pity you more than they already do, which would make you drink more than you're already drinking daily to cope with the trauma of losing your arm. If you can avoid it, don't lose your arm. It's best for all involved in your life. However, if you have an amputation fetish, by all means go for it. I'm not here to hold people down. Unless you needed me to actually hold you down while you were having the appendage amputated. I'm a good friend like that, but remember, I can't help you sew, because I am extremely manly.
I'm watching a shitload of these vids, and I think that tour would have been mind blowing to see live! Twenty years too late. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I was born twenty years too late. Fuck Fall Out Boy!
Please note: If you call Def Leppard a "hair band" within earshot of Ben Kenny, you risk serious injury, death, or, more likely, a stern talking to and early bedtime.
Double shifts two days in a row. Non-drinking appearance at a party in between. Straight to another party tonight, maybe. I'm writing this from the airport at 5 AM. As was pointed out to me, folks are betting on when my streak of daily posts will be broken. Unlike my physique, it impresses many people.
Say you're on "holiday" in India. It's hot as balls, it smells funny, and there's no beef to be had, but other than that, you're having a great time. All of the sudden, an International Incident happens at your hotel(s), Jewish boarding house, corner cafe, or transit station. Say you're holed up somewhere, nervous for the lives of yourself and your family. You get a phone call, telling you to stay put, Indian Commandos are on the way. If I was in that situation, I would get the fuck out immediately! The words "Indian" and "Commando" have about as much business being together as "Bush" and "Presidency." I could not imagine a Bollywood version of Delta Force, but I'd sure as shit pay a lot of money to watch it! (Who would play Chuck Norris, and more importantly, could you even imagine an Indian Lee Marvin? FUCKING AWESOME!!!!) Nothing against Indians or their military, but, I mean, essentially, OH COME ON! Call in the Brits or the Americans. We do violence quite well, and with panache. It's our "thang."
Some poor(literally) Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death yesterday. That's a horrible way to go, no doubt about it. A wave of obese housewives charging toward you at 5 AM would make any man visibly afraid, if not totally incoherent. He was simply stunned and knocked to the ground. He had no chance, no hope, and no options. Bummer, yo.
I think this is very, very, very cool.
The worst part of not getting "home" for Thanksgiving was not be able to see my dog, Otis. Apparently, he's "starting to lose it" as he now likes to bark at my parents and random noises for twenty minutes at a time in the middle of the night. He's fourteen. In people years. That's old.
I desperately want my life to stabilize enough to own a dog again. I'm thinking cattle/sheep dog or a Heeler, but Labs are always in the running as well.
Timeless. Like her breasts, but very unlike her face.
Italians do it more "stereotypicallyer." Fuck you, I don't know what I mean by that either!
Under my umbrella? Ella, ella, ella?-BK
I'm watching a shitload of these vids, and I think that tour would have been mind blowing to see live! Twenty years too late. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I was born twenty years too late. Fuck Fall Out Boy!
Please note: If you call Def Leppard a "hair band" within earshot of Ben Kenny, you risk serious injury, death, or, more likely, a stern talking to and early bedtime.
Double shifts two days in a row. Non-drinking appearance at a party in between. Straight to another party tonight, maybe. I'm writing this from the airport at 5 AM. As was pointed out to me, folks are betting on when my streak of daily posts will be broken. Unlike my physique, it impresses many people.
Say you're on "holiday" in India. It's hot as balls, it smells funny, and there's no beef to be had, but other than that, you're having a great time. All of the sudden, an International Incident happens at your hotel(s), Jewish boarding house, corner cafe, or transit station. Say you're holed up somewhere, nervous for the lives of yourself and your family. You get a phone call, telling you to stay put, Indian Commandos are on the way. If I was in that situation, I would get the fuck out immediately! The words "Indian" and "Commando" have about as much business being together as "Bush" and "Presidency." I could not imagine a Bollywood version of Delta Force, but I'd sure as shit pay a lot of money to watch it! (Who would play Chuck Norris, and more importantly, could you even imagine an Indian Lee Marvin? FUCKING AWESOME!!!!) Nothing against Indians or their military, but, I mean, essentially, OH COME ON! Call in the Brits or the Americans. We do violence quite well, and with panache. It's our "thang."
Some poor(literally) Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death yesterday. That's a horrible way to go, no doubt about it. A wave of obese housewives charging toward you at 5 AM would make any man visibly afraid, if not totally incoherent. He was simply stunned and knocked to the ground. He had no chance, no hope, and no options. Bummer, yo.
I think this is very, very, very cool.
The worst part of not getting "home" for Thanksgiving was not be able to see my dog, Otis. Apparently, he's "starting to lose it" as he now likes to bark at my parents and random noises for twenty minutes at a time in the middle of the night. He's fourteen. In people years. That's old.
I desperately want my life to stabilize enough to own a dog again. I'm thinking cattle/sheep dog or a Heeler, but Labs are always in the running as well.
Timeless. Like her breasts, but very unlike her face.
Italians do it more "stereotypicallyer." Fuck you, I don't know what I mean by that either!
Under my umbrella? Ella, ella, ella?-BK
Friday, November 28, 2008
Britain is a part of the United Kingdom.
You know that guy Mark Cuban? He's got money out the ass and balls of steel. You may want to read this stuff he wrote. I found it extremely interesting.
Twilight has to be one of the shittiest movies of the year. Not very good at all. Just a lame, tired love story that seems interesting because vampires are involved. I'm happy I haven't read the book. When most of the people I know say "this is a good book" I usually go the other way. Popular books are usually popular because they are easy to read and not much of an intellectual exercise. If you don't want to do work, but still want to read, you should make a choice, not settle for less. I don't even know what else to write. I'm confused, pissed, and apathetic all at once!
Everyone realizes this is one of the great American rock bands, but no one ever really talks about it. Weird. They should. Maybe it's because they don't really do much drugs and the lead singer who isn't too into women. I think the most controversial thing they've done is have a drummer with a brain tumor. That's not controversial when I think about it. Shit folks, everyday can't be a winner!
I miss The John Mayer Trio. He really should stop fucking famous chicks and singing pop songs and get back to his heart and soul...
I've been having too much fun.
Ben Kenny? Ben Kenny! Ben Kenny. from Ben Kenny on Vimeo.
The object of any game is to win.-BK
Twilight has to be one of the shittiest movies of the year. Not very good at all. Just a lame, tired love story that seems interesting because vampires are involved. I'm happy I haven't read the book. When most of the people I know say "this is a good book" I usually go the other way. Popular books are usually popular because they are easy to read and not much of an intellectual exercise. If you don't want to do work, but still want to read, you should make a choice, not settle for less. I don't even know what else to write. I'm confused, pissed, and apathetic all at once!
Everyone realizes this is one of the great American rock bands, but no one ever really talks about it. Weird. They should. Maybe it's because they don't really do much drugs and the lead singer who isn't too into women. I think the most controversial thing they've done is have a drummer with a brain tumor. That's not controversial when I think about it. Shit folks, everyday can't be a winner!
I miss The John Mayer Trio. He really should stop fucking famous chicks and singing pop songs and get back to his heart and soul...
I've been having too much fun.
Ben Kenny? Ben Kenny! Ben Kenny. from Ben Kenny on Vimeo.
The object of any game is to win.-BK
Thursday, November 27, 2008
He's gone.
Went to see Australia yesterday. If you like movies you should probably see it. It's not a perfect movie, not even close. What it is though, is beautifully made, richly told, and decently acted. Nicole Kidman is one dimensional as always, but Hugh Jackman and the young Native Australian boy who features prominently are really great.
Vegetating today. Maybe another movie or just a nice long nap on the docket.
Lots of neighborhoods in the NYC boroughs. It's a little confusing, but then again, so is life.
There is still dancing tonight. You don't stop dancing just because it's Thanksgiving!
Until that day then.-BK
Vegetating today. Maybe another movie or just a nice long nap on the docket.
Lots of neighborhoods in the NYC boroughs. It's a little confusing, but then again, so is life.
There is still dancing tonight. You don't stop dancing just because it's Thanksgiving!
Until that day then.-BK
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
On stage like a motherfucker.
I sometimes feel sorry for people who choose not to drink. I respect their decision, as long as they don't push that view on me, but I still feel sorry for them. Do they realize how much fun they're missing?
For example, some friends and myself spent time laying on a stage surrounded by brilliant colored lights last night. Without alcohol, this never would have happened.
Word has it there's going to be mad DUI checkpoints tonight. Be safe out there kids, wherever you may live. Because I cannot afford myself the stress of murdering five or six police officers, I will be walking across the bridge to Belvedere's, and dancing like the madman I am. It's going to be hella-fun! This is the busiest night of the year for bars, so you best go out, be social, and hate on people!
Not once in my life have I taken a girl home or had a girl take me home from a bar. Not once. Sure there's been chances a plenty to go home with a girl, but I find the alley or a car suitable for whatever activity may ensue. Goodbyes aren't awkward when you're still drunk and wearing most of your clothes.
This is too awesome not to post. Fantastic!
I was doing some reorganizing this morning at about three, and realized that I probably own more pairs of shoes than I've ever owned at any one time in my life. Twelve pairs of different sorts of things to put on my feet. In this economy, you need a lot of shoes.
That's got to be the most overused phrase of the year. "In this economy..." What a load of shit! If you want more money to do things, do less of other things. Problem solved. That'll be seven hundred bucks. Cash only.
Sang this in the shower yesterday. Wasn't even bathing. Just love to sing Clapton songs(any band, any era) in my shower.
Still in limbo with regard to Thanksgiving location.
Quarter life crisis is fast approaching.-BK
For example, some friends and myself spent time laying on a stage surrounded by brilliant colored lights last night. Without alcohol, this never would have happened.
Word has it there's going to be mad DUI checkpoints tonight. Be safe out there kids, wherever you may live. Because I cannot afford myself the stress of murdering five or six police officers, I will be walking across the bridge to Belvedere's, and dancing like the madman I am. It's going to be hella-fun! This is the busiest night of the year for bars, so you best go out, be social, and hate on people!
Not once in my life have I taken a girl home or had a girl take me home from a bar. Not once. Sure there's been chances a plenty to go home with a girl, but I find the alley or a car suitable for whatever activity may ensue. Goodbyes aren't awkward when you're still drunk and wearing most of your clothes.
This is too awesome not to post. Fantastic!
I was doing some reorganizing this morning at about three, and realized that I probably own more pairs of shoes than I've ever owned at any one time in my life. Twelve pairs of different sorts of things to put on my feet. In this economy, you need a lot of shoes.
That's got to be the most overused phrase of the year. "In this economy..." What a load of shit! If you want more money to do things, do less of other things. Problem solved. That'll be seven hundred bucks. Cash only.
Sang this in the shower yesterday. Wasn't even bathing. Just love to sing Clapton songs(any band, any era) in my shower.
Still in limbo with regard to Thanksgiving location.
Quarter life crisis is fast approaching.-BK
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Drafts.
This week is turning to shit on me! That Gong Show I was kind of stoked on... yeah, turns out its a fucking karaoke Gong Show! Adding to that, the contest finals I was looking forward to performing in have been "postponed" due to venue difficulties. Now I need to call everyone I had coming out to see me. At least three phone calls shouldn't take too long.
Welcome to the "covers" edition of Living in an unkempt world. (This means every song is a cover of a song originally performed by a different artist, fucktard.)
Really good cover of a song that's really good.
Still unsure of my location on Thanksgiving, although I'm leaning heavily towards staying in the Iron City for the day. Flying back and forth to Chicago, in addition to oodles of semi-awkward conversations with my mother, sister, and extended family, which will lead to many strong drinks, which will transform me into "Pissy Ben" doesn't sound like fun. I didn't mention my dad. He's not dead or deadbeat or anything. He'll be working. Which is WHAT I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING DONE!
Yeah, tonight, tonight, the impossible is possible at The Smiling Moose. Let's get fucked up! You don't need to be productive at work on Wednesday. Who does anything productive on a day before a major holiday that isn't directly related to that holiday? I mean, what the fuck, do you work at a Thanksgiving store?!
Is the strip club open on Thanksgiving? Probably not. Maybe I'll go to a movie(likely), eat an entire Tofurky(highly likely) and put in some work on a character I've been tinkering around with(somewhat likely).
Thanksgiving marks the start of Christmas shopping season. I don't mind people mindlessly consuming, this is America, but I hate Christmas music. This comes from working at The Brookfield Zoo and K-mart during the "season of giving." It also comes, in no small part, from having good taste.
I buy Christmas presents for three people and three people only. It would be four, but I've never been reliant on anyone for pussy, I mean, companionship at or around Christmastime. Hey, did you guys know "Christmastime" is accepted as a word by spellcheck?! You learn something new every day! Anyhow, the three people I get shit for are my mother, my father, and my sister. Last year, I bought gift cards, because I realized that I don't know enough about my blood relatives to know what they like or dislike. I felt bad for a nanosecond, but quickly got over it, as I am a horrible, horrible person. I will TRY to make an effort to buy them physical presents this year. After all, nothing says "I love you" like an extra large item of clothing with a gift receipt at the bottom of the box.
Been listening to this band a bit lately. Of the blatant Radiohead attempted clones, Travis are among the best. They breathe incredibly powerful heart and soul into something meant to be sexy and disposable.
Come to think of it, I know a few dudes called Travis. None of them are dicks, all of them create, all of them wear glasses.
I look around my house and see a lot of shit I don't need. I need to downsize and organize better. My rent is cheap, but I've been filling this huge space with my possessions. Instead of keeping things in drawers, I simple have stacks of folded clothes on the floor of the place. Fuck me.
This one cover might validate his entire existence, although his guest spot on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia might do the trick as well...
Hey guys, gals, stalkers, and random folks who've happened by, thanks for watching the video I posted earlier this week. Like it or not, more will be coming along just as soon as soon can be. I wanted to tape my set on Friday, as I knew the room would be loud, but the "postponement" shit in that hamper.
Yeah, I'm secretly excited about the new album too.-BK
Welcome to the "covers" edition of Living in an unkempt world. (This means every song is a cover of a song originally performed by a different artist, fucktard.)
Really good cover of a song that's really good.
Still unsure of my location on Thanksgiving, although I'm leaning heavily towards staying in the Iron City for the day. Flying back and forth to Chicago, in addition to oodles of semi-awkward conversations with my mother, sister, and extended family, which will lead to many strong drinks, which will transform me into "Pissy Ben" doesn't sound like fun. I didn't mention my dad. He's not dead or deadbeat or anything. He'll be working. Which is WHAT I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING DONE!
Yeah, tonight, tonight, the impossible is possible at The Smiling Moose. Let's get fucked up! You don't need to be productive at work on Wednesday. Who does anything productive on a day before a major holiday that isn't directly related to that holiday? I mean, what the fuck, do you work at a Thanksgiving store?!
Is the strip club open on Thanksgiving? Probably not. Maybe I'll go to a movie(likely), eat an entire Tofurky(highly likely) and put in some work on a character I've been tinkering around with(somewhat likely).
Thanksgiving marks the start of Christmas shopping season. I don't mind people mindlessly consuming, this is America, but I hate Christmas music. This comes from working at The Brookfield Zoo and K-mart during the "season of giving." It also comes, in no small part, from having good taste.
I buy Christmas presents for three people and three people only. It would be four, but I've never been reliant on anyone for pussy, I mean, companionship at or around Christmastime. Hey, did you guys know "Christmastime" is accepted as a word by spellcheck?! You learn something new every day! Anyhow, the three people I get shit for are my mother, my father, and my sister. Last year, I bought gift cards, because I realized that I don't know enough about my blood relatives to know what they like or dislike. I felt bad for a nanosecond, but quickly got over it, as I am a horrible, horrible person. I will TRY to make an effort to buy them physical presents this year. After all, nothing says "I love you" like an extra large item of clothing with a gift receipt at the bottom of the box.
Been listening to this band a bit lately. Of the blatant Radiohead attempted clones, Travis are among the best. They breathe incredibly powerful heart and soul into something meant to be sexy and disposable.
Come to think of it, I know a few dudes called Travis. None of them are dicks, all of them create, all of them wear glasses.
I look around my house and see a lot of shit I don't need. I need to downsize and organize better. My rent is cheap, but I've been filling this huge space with my possessions. Instead of keeping things in drawers, I simple have stacks of folded clothes on the floor of the place. Fuck me.
This one cover might validate his entire existence, although his guest spot on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia might do the trick as well...
Hey guys, gals, stalkers, and random folks who've happened by, thanks for watching the video I posted earlier this week. Like it or not, more will be coming along just as soon as soon can be. I wanted to tape my set on Friday, as I knew the room would be loud, but the "postponement" shit in that hamper.
Yeah, I'm secretly excited about the new album too.-BK
Monday, November 24, 2008
Settle out of court.
Watched Killing Zoe yesterday, for free, on Hulu.com. Other than Julie Delphy, I found it pretty unremarkable, but maybe that was the point. It is a decent little movie, if it's viewed as an exploitation film. Even after all these years and all the work he's done, I still can't seem to make up my mind about Eric Stoltz. Meh, who knows?
I've heard that Depeche Mode is dropping a new album next year. There is hope for music after all!
Later today I'm going to a bar to see about a spot on a Gong Show Wednesday evening. I'm hoping they have slots available, as I've never had the chance to do a Gong Show style performance, and I'd like to see if I can "go the distance," so to speak. At least half of the people reading this are far too young to have any concept of what the Gong Show was/is, but trust me, it's going to be fun if it happens!
I've had this beat and the lyrics in my head all week. I am immensely jealous of Lee's fabulous beard, as my facial hair only manages to make me look like I was working outside in dirty and dusty conditions all day. Fucking genes! Sorry. Getting back on track, Lee rules!
SHRIMP from krullbeast on Vimeo.
I'm falling back in love with the baked potato. Not microwaved. Baked. I like the fact that they take like an hour to cook. I often put vegetarian chili, cheese, and/or vegetables on top of mine, in addition to the always present butter and salt. I think I started eating and making them again because I was watching the late, great, Mitch Hedberg talk about them. He was way better than your favorite comic. Look into him. Google and/or YouTube him, if you care to be so bold. Be careful though, you may be required to think about stuff.
I like comedians who make audiences think. If I may be so bold, I like to think of myself as this kind of comedian. My stuff may not make people "roll on the floor" every time at every venue, but I know it's 100% me, and it's what will eventually set me apart from other comedians. Hopefully there aren't too many like me in New York. We (hopefully!) shall see.
Hilarious like the retarded kids were when we were all much younger and less innocent.
As I write this, I'm wearing a hooded sweatshirt, long sleeve t-shirt, ankle socks, and absolutely no pants, underwear, or shorts whatsoever. To think, I wasn't even planning to masturbate this morning! I am confused.
It seems that watching Bad Santa has become a sort of holiday tradition for me, even though I watch it several other times a year. The chemistry these two have is awesome. This movie never gets old. Classic!
Even if I one day "get money" I'm pretty sure that I'm going to keep eating cashews. They're the Pabst Blue Ribbon of the nut world! Cheap, but oh so good. Also, when I open one, the other, or both, I usually don't stop consuming until I'm totally finished or passed out. Delicious!
The center support in my bed is bowing in from the amount of time I spend on it. I easily spend ten hours a day on my bed, and I "flop" down quite hard, because laying down gently is for old people and squares. I am not a square, and the only part of me that's old is my liver.
I knew she had a facelift!-BK
I've heard that Depeche Mode is dropping a new album next year. There is hope for music after all!
Later today I'm going to a bar to see about a spot on a Gong Show Wednesday evening. I'm hoping they have slots available, as I've never had the chance to do a Gong Show style performance, and I'd like to see if I can "go the distance," so to speak. At least half of the people reading this are far too young to have any concept of what the Gong Show was/is, but trust me, it's going to be fun if it happens!
I've had this beat and the lyrics in my head all week. I am immensely jealous of Lee's fabulous beard, as my facial hair only manages to make me look like I was working outside in dirty and dusty conditions all day. Fucking genes! Sorry. Getting back on track, Lee rules!
SHRIMP from krullbeast on Vimeo.
I'm falling back in love with the baked potato. Not microwaved. Baked. I like the fact that they take like an hour to cook. I often put vegetarian chili, cheese, and/or vegetables on top of mine, in addition to the always present butter and salt. I think I started eating and making them again because I was watching the late, great, Mitch Hedberg talk about them. He was way better than your favorite comic. Look into him. Google and/or YouTube him, if you care to be so bold. Be careful though, you may be required to think about stuff.
I like comedians who make audiences think. If I may be so bold, I like to think of myself as this kind of comedian. My stuff may not make people "roll on the floor" every time at every venue, but I know it's 100% me, and it's what will eventually set me apart from other comedians. Hopefully there aren't too many like me in New York. We (hopefully!) shall see.
Hilarious like the retarded kids were when we were all much younger and less innocent.
As I write this, I'm wearing a hooded sweatshirt, long sleeve t-shirt, ankle socks, and absolutely no pants, underwear, or shorts whatsoever. To think, I wasn't even planning to masturbate this morning! I am confused.
It seems that watching Bad Santa has become a sort of holiday tradition for me, even though I watch it several other times a year. The chemistry these two have is awesome. This movie never gets old. Classic!
Even if I one day "get money" I'm pretty sure that I'm going to keep eating cashews. They're the Pabst Blue Ribbon of the nut world! Cheap, but oh so good. Also, when I open one, the other, or both, I usually don't stop consuming until I'm totally finished or passed out. Delicious!
The center support in my bed is bowing in from the amount of time I spend on it. I easily spend ten hours a day on my bed, and I "flop" down quite hard, because laying down gently is for old people and squares. I am not a square, and the only part of me that's old is my liver.
I knew she had a facelift!-BK
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Terminal Velocity was the film in question.
I had a lot of fun at the show last night. There were more than seventy people there, which is a relative rarity in this town. Worked with some old friends and a few new faces. Free nachos and light beer all around. My stomach is less than pleased with me this morning.
Still up in the air on whether or not I'll be home for Thanksgiving. The flight bookings shall make the decision.
It seems like winter has finally arrived here in PA. Cold weather, frozen pools of water, dirty roads and cars, and the perpetually cheerful attitude of the Yinzers make for mediocre, soul-crushing times. I can't fucking wait to get out of here, even though I like it here. Weird, huh?
Lost a whole blog of genius. Sorry for the lack of "blow-hardy" writing and videos today.
Uh, Tuesday. Happens on Tuesday brother.-BK
Still up in the air on whether or not I'll be home for Thanksgiving. The flight bookings shall make the decision.
It seems like winter has finally arrived here in PA. Cold weather, frozen pools of water, dirty roads and cars, and the perpetually cheerful attitude of the Yinzers make for mediocre, soul-crushing times. I can't fucking wait to get out of here, even though I like it here. Weird, huh?
Lost a whole blog of genius. Sorry for the lack of "blow-hardy" writing and videos today.
Uh, Tuesday. Happens on Tuesday brother.-BK
Saturday, November 22, 2008
No savior.
Hal Sparks was pretty good. Much better than I was expecting. Really friendly, almost bubbly presence with SMART material. His stuff has a really cool Libertarian undertone without being angry or surly, which is hard to do and amazing to watch. Plus he talks about heavy metal and Van Halen! Who could ask for more!?
Plus, he's probably one of the most diverse professional entertainers working today. He's a commentator, stand-up comic, singer, acclaimed actor, and a writer! Cool guy too! Go see him.
I like to watch pro comics work rooms, because it's a good way to see how far you are from being pro on some things, and how close you are on others. I have a ways to go on a few things, but I'm practically touching some of the others.
---
Well, I finally got around to getting the correct FireWire, and have uploaded a video to both Vimeo and YouTube. This is just the beginning, my friends. If you like what you see, please become a MySpace friend(if you aren't already) and forward this to your friends or embed it in your blog. I want you guys to enable me to use drugs and be totally immoral fulltime someday, hopefully sooner than later. Thanks.
Ben Kenny - Drunk @ The Smiling Moose from Ben Kenny on Vimeo.
It was so cold this morning that I very seriously considered pissing in the Mountain Dew bottle beside my bed, but I just ran to the bathroom and back again. I did not freeze to death, and I voided my bladder, so I made the smarter decision. Whee.
This picture pretty much sums up why The Chuck is one of my favorite people.
I did not expect to see him at the tailgate, but his presence was much appreciated. Drunk or sober, yelling things at people from a bullhorn is super fun, even if it is twenty degrees out. Without going into great detail, Chuck once told me how much money he's spent at "Bible Study" over the course of his life. It takes a lot to make my jaw drop folks. I'm a dirty, filthy bastard, but I'll tell you what, it was on the floor when he told me! Epic money. It's ok though, as he's helped many young women pay for their breasts, college education, and cocaine. Chuck rules.
I have to, no... I must, go grocery shopping today. Need butter or butter substitute. You can't make grilled cheese with hope, motherfuckers!
Looking forward to the show tonight. Apparently, there may be an actual audience. Hope they like Downs Syndrome jokes. Not really. I don't care if they do or not.
I've lived in Pittsburgh for two years, and I still get hopelessly lost about three times a month. Not one straight road I tell ya! Not one!
If you didn't know Groundhog Day wasn't filmed in PA, you're no real nerd.-BK
Plus, he's probably one of the most diverse professional entertainers working today. He's a commentator, stand-up comic, singer, acclaimed actor, and a writer! Cool guy too! Go see him.
I like to watch pro comics work rooms, because it's a good way to see how far you are from being pro on some things, and how close you are on others. I have a ways to go on a few things, but I'm practically touching some of the others.
---
Well, I finally got around to getting the correct FireWire, and have uploaded a video to both Vimeo and YouTube. This is just the beginning, my friends. If you like what you see, please become a MySpace friend(if you aren't already) and forward this to your friends or embed it in your blog. I want you guys to enable me to use drugs and be totally immoral fulltime someday, hopefully sooner than later. Thanks.
Ben Kenny - Drunk @ The Smiling Moose from Ben Kenny on Vimeo.
It was so cold this morning that I very seriously considered pissing in the Mountain Dew bottle beside my bed, but I just ran to the bathroom and back again. I did not freeze to death, and I voided my bladder, so I made the smarter decision. Whee.
This picture pretty much sums up why The Chuck is one of my favorite people.
I did not expect to see him at the tailgate, but his presence was much appreciated. Drunk or sober, yelling things at people from a bullhorn is super fun, even if it is twenty degrees out. Without going into great detail, Chuck once told me how much money he's spent at "Bible Study" over the course of his life. It takes a lot to make my jaw drop folks. I'm a dirty, filthy bastard, but I'll tell you what, it was on the floor when he told me! Epic money. It's ok though, as he's helped many young women pay for their breasts, college education, and cocaine. Chuck rules.
I have to, no... I must, go grocery shopping today. Need butter or butter substitute. You can't make grilled cheese with hope, motherfuckers!
Looking forward to the show tonight. Apparently, there may be an actual audience. Hope they like Downs Syndrome jokes. Not really. I don't care if they do or not.
I've lived in Pittsburgh for two years, and I still get hopelessly lost about three times a month. Not one straight road I tell ya! Not one!
If you didn't know Groundhog Day wasn't filmed in PA, you're no real nerd.-BK
Friday, November 21, 2008
Not that bridge.
Game and tailgating were epic fun last night. Epic.
I managed to sit on the lower level again. I'm good with the scalpers. Just stand on a street corner, yell "FORTY FOR A SINGLE" and see what kind of deals you get offered. Probably would have got in for cheaper if it was closer to game time, but I had some power drinking to do, and I needed to focus.
What to do with my two days off? Perhaps I'll go see Hal Sparks for free tonight, and do a show tomorrow. In between all the fun, I'll be editing a video, doing laundry, eating a lot, and catching up on lazy time.
I've actually already started on my lazy time, as I slept damn close to ten hours last night. I was aided by a belly full of beer and two day old pizza which I found inside of my oven when I came home at two am, and attempted to make french fries. I just ate the french fries for breakfast.
Someone asked me if I "Twittered" the other day. No. Fuck no. No I don't. Our society used to be about descriptive words and cohesive thoughts, it used to value thinking, not snarky little one sentence texts. Fuck Twitter! I text. I mean, texts are cool if they're person to person, but not as a form of broadcast.
It's supposed to snow a lot today. At least I'm not working. Phew!
I love Hip Hop. I love Zach. I love nature.
Not here yet?-BK
I managed to sit on the lower level again. I'm good with the scalpers. Just stand on a street corner, yell "FORTY FOR A SINGLE" and see what kind of deals you get offered. Probably would have got in for cheaper if it was closer to game time, but I had some power drinking to do, and I needed to focus.
What to do with my two days off? Perhaps I'll go see Hal Sparks for free tonight, and do a show tomorrow. In between all the fun, I'll be editing a video, doing laundry, eating a lot, and catching up on lazy time.
I've actually already started on my lazy time, as I slept damn close to ten hours last night. I was aided by a belly full of beer and two day old pizza which I found inside of my oven when I came home at two am, and attempted to make french fries. I just ate the french fries for breakfast.
Someone asked me if I "Twittered" the other day. No. Fuck no. No I don't. Our society used to be about descriptive words and cohesive thoughts, it used to value thinking, not snarky little one sentence texts. Fuck Twitter! I text. I mean, texts are cool if they're person to person, but not as a form of broadcast.
It's supposed to snow a lot today. At least I'm not working. Phew!
I love Hip Hop. I love Zach. I love nature.
Not here yet?-BK
Thursday, November 20, 2008
She Bop
Good news Mom and Dad, my fellow comics, friends, and family! Minneapolis is out, and MOTHERFUCKING NEW YORK CITY IS IN!!!!!!!!!!
NEW YORK! NEW YORK! NEW YORK!
Like many comedians, I've always said I'm heading there "one day" and it looks like that day is coming sooner than I thought!
Many of you already know this, but I work for an airline to pay the bills. They are beginning service to LaGuardia, one of New York City's major airports. I will have the opportunity to live and work less than ten miles from the epicenter of all things stand-up. If this is not a sign, I don't know what is. If I do not answer this call, I very truly and deeply feel that I will be making the biggest, most-defining mistake of my life, and I will never forgive myself for it. I'm afraid of failing, very afraid. Anyone who says they aren't is a fucking fool, but failing is something that, in time, I can come to terms with. I can never come to terms with not trying at all. I love comedy too much to not take this shot. This is it for me. My life, my FUTURE, my DREAM, is waiting for me in Manhattan, and I plan to face it, failure be damned, and success, whatever the definition, is going to come with through sacrifice, hard work, and tenacity. I am not going to let myself down! Although I think(know) I am not yet "good enough" to make a living in the New York professional scene, I do believe that there is no place better suited to "cut my teeth."
I was so excited when I heard about this from my boss this morning that I had to go outside for a bit. I think I had a panic attack of pure joy or something. My heart was pumping, I was shaking, and I had tears in my eyes.
I will make this happen. I will fight as hard as I've fought in my life. This matters more than anything!
The move is paid for by the Company, but NYC is still very expensive. I will sell my car, I will sell my television, I will sell everything I have in order to do this. I'll even go back to hooking if I need to. New York's gotta have truck stops, right?
This is all a while away still. At least four months, if not much longer. In fact, the Company's agreement is tentative at this point, but I have no doubt that this is going to be a reality. This is going to happen!!! Shit, even writing about it gets me excited!
----
In other, less totally fucking awesome and exciting, but still pretty cool news, I will be going tailgating tomorrow. My friend is going to teach me how to get into the game for thirty to forty dollars, knowledge which I am keen to learn.
I bought the wrong kind of FireWire, so no videos yet, but keep your eyes and ears tuned in to this Ben station for something soon. I mostly just use my videos as a reference tool to teach myself with, but I've decided that I need to have more of a presence on the Internet. The amount of people who read these words everyday played no small part in that decision. Thanks guys!
Leaders lead by example, and this is a pathetic example. Let them fail. The CEOs and autoworkers are both guilty and shouldn't be surprised this is happening. Autoworkers, people who essentially do one job on an assembly line all day, make more money than me, and more money than most of the people reading this right now. Roughly 90k a year, believe it or not, plus significant benefits. They can make concessions and keep working, or they can stand firm and become unemployed. Sacrifice must be made on all levels to keep their company, this economy, and this country moving.
Be like water. Flow.
Gary Young In Vancouver from MACNEIL BMX on Vimeo.
If that's how you play it.-BK
NEW YORK! NEW YORK! NEW YORK!
Like many comedians, I've always said I'm heading there "one day" and it looks like that day is coming sooner than I thought!
Many of you already know this, but I work for an airline to pay the bills. They are beginning service to LaGuardia, one of New York City's major airports. I will have the opportunity to live and work less than ten miles from the epicenter of all things stand-up. If this is not a sign, I don't know what is. If I do not answer this call, I very truly and deeply feel that I will be making the biggest, most-defining mistake of my life, and I will never forgive myself for it. I'm afraid of failing, very afraid. Anyone who says they aren't is a fucking fool, but failing is something that, in time, I can come to terms with. I can never come to terms with not trying at all. I love comedy too much to not take this shot. This is it for me. My life, my FUTURE, my DREAM, is waiting for me in Manhattan, and I plan to face it, failure be damned, and success, whatever the definition, is going to come with through sacrifice, hard work, and tenacity. I am not going to let myself down! Although I think(know) I am not yet "good enough" to make a living in the New York professional scene, I do believe that there is no place better suited to "cut my teeth."
I was so excited when I heard about this from my boss this morning that I had to go outside for a bit. I think I had a panic attack of pure joy or something. My heart was pumping, I was shaking, and I had tears in my eyes.
I will make this happen. I will fight as hard as I've fought in my life. This matters more than anything!
The move is paid for by the Company, but NYC is still very expensive. I will sell my car, I will sell my television, I will sell everything I have in order to do this. I'll even go back to hooking if I need to. New York's gotta have truck stops, right?
This is all a while away still. At least four months, if not much longer. In fact, the Company's agreement is tentative at this point, but I have no doubt that this is going to be a reality. This is going to happen!!! Shit, even writing about it gets me excited!
----
In other, less totally fucking awesome and exciting, but still pretty cool news, I will be going tailgating tomorrow. My friend is going to teach me how to get into the game for thirty to forty dollars, knowledge which I am keen to learn.
I bought the wrong kind of FireWire, so no videos yet, but keep your eyes and ears tuned in to this Ben station for something soon. I mostly just use my videos as a reference tool to teach myself with, but I've decided that I need to have more of a presence on the Internet. The amount of people who read these words everyday played no small part in that decision. Thanks guys!
Leaders lead by example, and this is a pathetic example. Let them fail. The CEOs and autoworkers are both guilty and shouldn't be surprised this is happening. Autoworkers, people who essentially do one job on an assembly line all day, make more money than me, and more money than most of the people reading this right now. Roughly 90k a year, believe it or not, plus significant benefits. They can make concessions and keep working, or they can stand firm and become unemployed. Sacrifice must be made on all levels to keep their company, this economy, and this country moving.
Be like water. Flow.
Gary Young In Vancouver from MACNEIL BMX on Vimeo.
If that's how you play it.-BK
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Too soon!
Last night was fun like a first generation Super Soaker. My set was decent, good even, but the highlight of the evening was a fight. Fights at comedy shows are not quite as rare as one might think. I love the Smiling Moose!
Love this song, and love this play. It's probably solely responsible for the resurgence of touring Broadway shows. It's successful because it's easier to relate to than stuff about gangs from the Fifties or adaptations of Reese Witherspoon films...
Hey Marcus, thanks for coming out, sorry we didn't get a chance to talk a little more. I was drunk, which is no excuse, and all the excuse you ever need.
Got some new work shoes. Boots, actually. They were a significant amount of money. Here's to warm, dry feet and good insoles!
Recorded myself last night. If you're really, really good today, you may see a little bit of it tomorrow.
It wasn't this cold earlier.-BK
Love this song, and love this play. It's probably solely responsible for the resurgence of touring Broadway shows. It's successful because it's easier to relate to than stuff about gangs from the Fifties or adaptations of Reese Witherspoon films...
Hey Marcus, thanks for coming out, sorry we didn't get a chance to talk a little more. I was drunk, which is no excuse, and all the excuse you ever need.
Got some new work shoes. Boots, actually. They were a significant amount of money. Here's to warm, dry feet and good insoles!
Recorded myself last night. If you're really, really good today, you may see a little bit of it tomorrow.
It wasn't this cold earlier.-BK
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Strict karma.
An inch of snow is on the ground here, and you'd think we're living in fucking Siberia. Long underwear, woolen hat, steady stream of coffee and a hearty grimace.
It's Tuesday bitches, and as always, get your ass on down to the Smiling Moose tonight! It's a grand old time. More so, even, when you are there with us.
Thursday is up in the air, falling quickly. Wherever I land, you know I'm doing it with high speed and a style not seen in these parts since that one guy did it that one time when we were down at that place. You remember that? I do. It was awesome like yellow cake and 2% milk at one in the afternoon when you stayed home sick from high school.
Doing a show/open mic somewhere on Saturday. Information is forthcoming.
For some odd reason, both of my biceps hurt a bit today. Perhaps it was because I carried a heavy load of laundry up the narrow staircase from my basement a little awkwardly. Maybe I'm just a weakling.
Sarah Connor was pretty good last night. That balding guy with the beard from The West Wing guest starred and totally tore shit up. I may even be beginning to like Brian Austin Green a little(no homo!).
Three name hipster bands seem to be big these days. Band of Horses, Kings of Leon, The Hold Steady and a few others seem rock suitably, and are tolerable in small doses.
No one knows, and no one cares to ask.-BK
(Yeah, no videos today. Saddened? Imagine yourself on a boat by a river, with tangerine trees, and marmalade skies. Or something.)
It's Tuesday bitches, and as always, get your ass on down to the Smiling Moose tonight! It's a grand old time. More so, even, when you are there with us.
Thursday is up in the air, falling quickly. Wherever I land, you know I'm doing it with high speed and a style not seen in these parts since that one guy did it that one time when we were down at that place. You remember that? I do. It was awesome like yellow cake and 2% milk at one in the afternoon when you stayed home sick from high school.
Doing a show/open mic somewhere on Saturday. Information is forthcoming.
For some odd reason, both of my biceps hurt a bit today. Perhaps it was because I carried a heavy load of laundry up the narrow staircase from my basement a little awkwardly. Maybe I'm just a weakling.
Sarah Connor was pretty good last night. That balding guy with the beard from The West Wing guest starred and totally tore shit up. I may even be beginning to like Brian Austin Green a little(no homo!).
Three name hipster bands seem to be big these days. Band of Horses, Kings of Leon, The Hold Steady and a few others seem rock suitably, and are tolerable in small doses.
No one knows, and no one cares to ask.-BK
(Yeah, no videos today. Saddened? Imagine yourself on a boat by a river, with tangerine trees, and marmalade skies. Or something.)
Monday, November 17, 2008
Pizza is delicious.
I don't care much for football, but I fucking love the Pittsburgh Steelers! Yesterday was the most fun I've had in a long, long time without using my penis and/or being on a stage.
I got to tailgate with a crew that's been tailgating together for nearly twenty years. They welcomed me like their oldest friend and wouldn't let me pay for anything I ate or drank. It was awesome football weather. Snowy and cold. I was dressed warmly and internally heated by Jack Daniel's, so I had no worries and no complaints.
Our seats were incredibly good. We were ten rows back on the twenty yard line. While the game itself was quite lackluster, notable only for the fact that the score was 11-10, a first in NFL history, the experience of seeing the Steelers play was really pretty extraordinary. I scoff at die hard, walking stereotype football fans, but I sort of understand now. Being born and raised in Chicago, and living in Denver for a year has exposed me to some pretty serious football fans. Those fans can't hold a candle to the Steeler Nation. There is at least one "Steeler bar" in every large city in America, and there are clubs and fans throughout Europe, Asia, and South America. A Terrible Towel has been flown from the top of Mount Everest. Every Steelers home game has been sold out for over thirty-five years. Season tickets are included in people's wills, and often used as a dowry in a marriage. Much like the Matrix, no one can be told what it is to be a Steeler fan, they must be shown, indoctrinated. It really is quite something to look around Heinz Field at sixty-five thousand people dressed in black and gold, beers in hand, standing up, Terrible Towels twirling furiously. I now declare myself a Pittsburgh Steeler fan for life. Sorry Bears.
----
Best part of an unremarkable and unnecessary film.
Hopefully back to working crazy early in the morning next month. I like having no traffic and more overtime.
I was singing this song in the shower, the main chorus at least, and could not figure out how I knew it, but then it came to me. This is my personal favorite of the series.
I should probably go to work now.
Shout out to Terry Jones, who featured for Eddie Griffin all weekend. This is a HUGE deal for a comedian, one of the marks of the transition to turning fully professional. His work ethic, focus, and plain old raw talent put other comedians in this town to shame. He works a room like a master puppeteer. I'm jealous of how good he works crowds, and I rarely find myself jealous of other comics. I want to absorb his powers.
It's a bit of a walk, but I'm a bit of a cheap bastard.-BK
I got to tailgate with a crew that's been tailgating together for nearly twenty years. They welcomed me like their oldest friend and wouldn't let me pay for anything I ate or drank. It was awesome football weather. Snowy and cold. I was dressed warmly and internally heated by Jack Daniel's, so I had no worries and no complaints.
Our seats were incredibly good. We were ten rows back on the twenty yard line. While the game itself was quite lackluster, notable only for the fact that the score was 11-10, a first in NFL history, the experience of seeing the Steelers play was really pretty extraordinary. I scoff at die hard, walking stereotype football fans, but I sort of understand now. Being born and raised in Chicago, and living in Denver for a year has exposed me to some pretty serious football fans. Those fans can't hold a candle to the Steeler Nation. There is at least one "Steeler bar" in every large city in America, and there are clubs and fans throughout Europe, Asia, and South America. A Terrible Towel has been flown from the top of Mount Everest. Every Steelers home game has been sold out for over thirty-five years. Season tickets are included in people's wills, and often used as a dowry in a marriage. Much like the Matrix, no one can be told what it is to be a Steeler fan, they must be shown, indoctrinated. It really is quite something to look around Heinz Field at sixty-five thousand people dressed in black and gold, beers in hand, standing up, Terrible Towels twirling furiously. I now declare myself a Pittsburgh Steeler fan for life. Sorry Bears.
----
Best part of an unremarkable and unnecessary film.
Hopefully back to working crazy early in the morning next month. I like having no traffic and more overtime.
I was singing this song in the shower, the main chorus at least, and could not figure out how I knew it, but then it came to me. This is my personal favorite of the series.
I should probably go to work now.
Shout out to Terry Jones, who featured for Eddie Griffin all weekend. This is a HUGE deal for a comedian, one of the marks of the transition to turning fully professional. His work ethic, focus, and plain old raw talent put other comedians in this town to shame. He works a room like a master puppeteer. I'm jealous of how good he works crowds, and I rarely find myself jealous of other comics. I want to absorb his powers.
It's a bit of a walk, but I'm a bit of a cheap bastard.-BK
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Up the hill.
Punk rock. Jack and Coke. Jager. Dancing. Yuengling. Friends and friendship. Pabst Blue Ribbon. Peeing in the alley. Three times. Back to a house. Wild Turkey from a pint glass. Pizza rolls. San Diego. Puking off of a front porch while your friend(and homeowner) pisses off of it. Smelly sleeve. Waking up on a bare mattress in a strange room. Glasses? Home. Shower. Pepto and aspirin, for recovery, and for preparation.
Don't ever grow up. Don't ever stop. Journey sucks, no matter how drunk, and how good the friend.
Steelers tailgating in an hour. My liver is pressing charges and taking the kids with it.
Don't even front. I'm still a firm, dedicated believer in the Jedi code, but this is fucking funny! James T. Kirk is the greatest captain. Sorry Scott Bakula.
Beck is really good stuff. So is Madonna. Thanks iTunes.
I should not be laughing at this. I should probably feel bad for laughing at this. I don't. I will see you in Hell.
I'm firmly entrenched in the "Van Hagar" camp, thank you very much. One of the first music videos I remember actually waiting for the premiere of. MTV used to be the shit, didn't it?
I really hope I survive the day ahead.
That chick over there, with the blonde hair, in the corner? Watch and learn, my friend, watch and learn.-BK
Don't ever grow up. Don't ever stop. Journey sucks, no matter how drunk, and how good the friend.
Steelers tailgating in an hour. My liver is pressing charges and taking the kids with it.
Don't even front. I'm still a firm, dedicated believer in the Jedi code, but this is fucking funny! James T. Kirk is the greatest captain. Sorry Scott Bakula.
Beck is really good stuff. So is Madonna. Thanks iTunes.
I should not be laughing at this. I should probably feel bad for laughing at this. I don't. I will see you in Hell.
I'm firmly entrenched in the "Van Hagar" camp, thank you very much. One of the first music videos I remember actually waiting for the premiere of. MTV used to be the shit, didn't it?
I really hope I survive the day ahead.
That chick over there, with the blonde hair, in the corner? Watch and learn, my friend, watch and learn.-BK
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Tall bridge.
Show last night was super fun, even if it was sparsely attended. It was rad to just "chillax" and not have to worry about much but introducing the acts. There was also an abundance of free beer, Yuengling, in fact, which gives/gave me very little to complain about. I knew I was pretty drunk, because I walked home in pouring rain and didn't seem to care while doing it.
I got a haircut! First time in three years that I've actually paid to have my hair cut. I look like a middle-aged middle school gym teacher, or a really butch lesbian. There is no difference.
This sums up my opinion on drinking nicely.
The new Bond flick was not nearly as good as the last one, but it was still pretty damn good. The villain was very weak in this film. Updated for the times or not, every Bond movie needs a great villain, and maybe a cool henchman or two!
I won tickets, really good tickets, to the Steeler game, but I don't really hang out with the type of people who like to go to football games, so if you're reading this and you'd like to go with me, shoot me an email. No promises, as I'm waiting to hear back from someone.
I'm actually really excited to go. In twenty-four brutally hard years of life, I've never managed to find myself in attendance at an NFL game.
I actually thought I was going to have a bit of trouble getting out of work tomorrow, but my coworkers made it happen for me. I didn't even have to do any work to make it happen, as I have a representative who brokers deals for me when I'm not around, as I do for her when she's not around.
My sole item of professional sports related clothing, my Steelers t-shirt, is being dug out of the oblivion of my closet for the game. I might even buy myself a Terrible Towel. I do know I'm getting crazy drunk tomorrow. That's a certainty.
H. Ward doesn't play dirty, he plays with HEART. If anyone in the NFL is deserving of the exorbitant money they're paid, it's him. Recognize.
California is burning down. Again. Maybe that's their God's way of telling them that banning gay marriage is stupid. You don't protect or strengthen the concept of marriage by only allowing straight people to experience it. Marriage is no longer sacred anyways. Christ, over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, so what does that tell you?
Awesome like nacho cheese!
I don't know how to mosey. I never learned. Somebody teach me!
Meth-addled neighbors are having a marathon fight. When they finally stab, strangle, and/or shoot one another, look for me on the news, giving an eyewitness account of how fucked up they were.
Oh shit son!-BK
I got a haircut! First time in three years that I've actually paid to have my hair cut. I look like a middle-aged middle school gym teacher, or a really butch lesbian. There is no difference.
This sums up my opinion on drinking nicely.
The new Bond flick was not nearly as good as the last one, but it was still pretty damn good. The villain was very weak in this film. Updated for the times or not, every Bond movie needs a great villain, and maybe a cool henchman or two!
I won tickets, really good tickets, to the Steeler game, but I don't really hang out with the type of people who like to go to football games, so if you're reading this and you'd like to go with me, shoot me an email. No promises, as I'm waiting to hear back from someone.
I'm actually really excited to go. In twenty-four brutally hard years of life, I've never managed to find myself in attendance at an NFL game.
I actually thought I was going to have a bit of trouble getting out of work tomorrow, but my coworkers made it happen for me. I didn't even have to do any work to make it happen, as I have a representative who brokers deals for me when I'm not around, as I do for her when she's not around.
My sole item of professional sports related clothing, my Steelers t-shirt, is being dug out of the oblivion of my closet for the game. I might even buy myself a Terrible Towel. I do know I'm getting crazy drunk tomorrow. That's a certainty.
H. Ward doesn't play dirty, he plays with HEART. If anyone in the NFL is deserving of the exorbitant money they're paid, it's him. Recognize.
California is burning down. Again. Maybe that's their God's way of telling them that banning gay marriage is stupid. You don't protect or strengthen the concept of marriage by only allowing straight people to experience it. Marriage is no longer sacred anyways. Christ, over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, so what does that tell you?
Awesome like nacho cheese!
I don't know how to mosey. I never learned. Somebody teach me!
Meth-addled neighbors are having a marathon fight. When they finally stab, strangle, and/or shoot one another, look for me on the news, giving an eyewitness account of how fucked up they were.
Oh shit son!-BK
Friday, November 14, 2008
Cheese fry
I hauled all of my notebooks into work yesterday and consolidated them. It was interesting the go back and read some of the first jokes I'd ever written. I've come a long way on this journey of hilarity. It is not fun to rewrite shit you've written in another notebook.
Sometimes you walk into a venue and see the "audience," and it kills you a little inside. Yesterday was looking like it might have been one of those nights, but the few people there were really into us and were definitely down for some laughs. I can honestly say I had a great set in front of eight people and that I enjoyed myself.
I also saw one of the world's last remaining Zima signs hanging un-ironically on the wall. I whispered when near it, as I did not wish to scare it away, but was curious as to how it managed to travel here from 1995. Then, I remembered this is Western PA, and that it Has probably just been hanging out on the wall, undisturbed and unnoticed, since that year.
Shout outs and a "holla" to The Chuck and his friend Jake for coming out and supporting. I wish the show could have been better for them.
My favorite superhero. So stoked for this film, as it seems to get to the core of what El Punishito is all about, mercilessly killing bad guys!
Speaking of movies and violence, I believe the new Bond joint comes out today! YES! It's like the world plans my day for me sometimes.
We were watching the Pierce Brosnan films at work the other day, and he's a passable Bond, but, with the notable exception of Goldeneye, every film he was in was basically garbage.
Every man in the theatre cringed when I saw this film. All five times.
They're much, much better than 3 Doors Down.
I need to buy some jeans. Been losing some poundage. Thrift store first, Kohl's second, Macy's third.
Traded off today, but working tomorrow and Sunday. Small potatoes in the financial stew.
Sometimes, nights end just the way you envision them. It's rare, but when it happens, it's truly memorable. Good times.
In a sense, Ronald McDonald is a spiritual advisor.-BK
Sometimes you walk into a venue and see the "audience," and it kills you a little inside. Yesterday was looking like it might have been one of those nights, but the few people there were really into us and were definitely down for some laughs. I can honestly say I had a great set in front of eight people and that I enjoyed myself.
I also saw one of the world's last remaining Zima signs hanging un-ironically on the wall. I whispered when near it, as I did not wish to scare it away, but was curious as to how it managed to travel here from 1995. Then, I remembered this is Western PA, and that it Has probably just been hanging out on the wall, undisturbed and unnoticed, since that year.
Shout outs and a "holla" to The Chuck and his friend Jake for coming out and supporting. I wish the show could have been better for them.
My favorite superhero. So stoked for this film, as it seems to get to the core of what El Punishito is all about, mercilessly killing bad guys!
Speaking of movies and violence, I believe the new Bond joint comes out today! YES! It's like the world plans my day for me sometimes.
We were watching the Pierce Brosnan films at work the other day, and he's a passable Bond, but, with the notable exception of Goldeneye, every film he was in was basically garbage.
Every man in the theatre cringed when I saw this film. All five times.
They're much, much better than 3 Doors Down.
I need to buy some jeans. Been losing some poundage. Thrift store first, Kohl's second, Macy's third.
Traded off today, but working tomorrow and Sunday. Small potatoes in the financial stew.
Sometimes, nights end just the way you envision them. It's rare, but when it happens, it's truly memorable. Good times.
In a sense, Ronald McDonald is a spiritual advisor.-BK
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Buses everywhere!
Six hundred and sixty-six blog posts. Metal!
If you aren't doing anything tonight, come on out to The Obey House. If you're not doing anything tomorrow, come out to Belvedere's. Both are better than sitting at home.
Rough little juvenile patches of snow have been falling lately. Hello winter.
I like winter because I can give my work t-shirts a rest for a few months, and just wear regular shirts under my hoodie and/or jacket.
Hokey as it may be, tens of thousands of people ride bicycles to this day because of Rad.
Trying to pick up some hours this weekend. I'm gonna make an entertaining homeless person one day.
Dinner last night consisted of two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and one half sleeve of Fig Newtons, with Pepsi to wash it down. I'm so healthy it's unbelievable.
I wrote a joke about Taylor Swift. I'm uncomfortable with this fact. I fear I'm getting too "poppy" for my own good.
Motorcycles are really cool, and I will always want one. I have made peace with this fact. I will settle for a cool leather jacket.
It makes me smile.
As always, thanks for reading. Get a life.
Look out!-BK
If you aren't doing anything tonight, come on out to The Obey House. If you're not doing anything tomorrow, come out to Belvedere's. Both are better than sitting at home.
Rough little juvenile patches of snow have been falling lately. Hello winter.
I like winter because I can give my work t-shirts a rest for a few months, and just wear regular shirts under my hoodie and/or jacket.
Hokey as it may be, tens of thousands of people ride bicycles to this day because of Rad.
Trying to pick up some hours this weekend. I'm gonna make an entertaining homeless person one day.
Dinner last night consisted of two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and one half sleeve of Fig Newtons, with Pepsi to wash it down. I'm so healthy it's unbelievable.
I wrote a joke about Taylor Swift. I'm uncomfortable with this fact. I fear I'm getting too "poppy" for my own good.
Motorcycles are really cool, and I will always want one. I have made peace with this fact. I will settle for a cool leather jacket.
It makes me smile.
As always, thanks for reading. Get a life.
Look out!-BK
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
How can this be good enough for two?
Shadow Lounge has cancelled for this month. Apparently, the venue has booked a show with the potential of actually earning them money. More power to them. Smoke them if ya got them. I'm actually begrudgingly happy about it. At least I get to watch Sarah Connor.
It's kind of aggravating and little insulting that Jennifer Aniston and Judge Judy share space with the news of the world and nation on CNN's homepage. Goddamn liberal media.
When oh when are they going to record and tour again!?
I re-purchased Live's incredible Throwing Copper album yesterday. It's so fucking good. To even pretend like you're not down! Great progressive rock album during it's time. More bands should sound like this.
Of course I'm gonna keep it old school! Was there a doubt? One of the greatest pop-punk acts ever!
I don't understand how all these white collar folks can make million dollar deals all day if they can't drive at barely the speed limit and talk on a cellphone at the same time. Someone explain this to me!
Had an interesting discussion with some respected colleagues about "beef" amongst comics yesterday. It's not really worth it, or professional for that matter. I also found out that a friend of mine was accused of stealing my material, which is ridiculous, and it's something I absolutely do not believe is true, as Tim Dimond doesn't need to steal shit, because he's funny enough on his own!
Focusing on trying to scrounge up hours at work. Hopefully people will get injured and I will be able to work in their stead.
Probably not the greatest idea to play Slipknot over the PA, huh?-BK
It's kind of aggravating and little insulting that Jennifer Aniston and Judge Judy share space with the news of the world and nation on CNN's homepage. Goddamn liberal media.
When oh when are they going to record and tour again!?
I re-purchased Live's incredible Throwing Copper album yesterday. It's so fucking good. To even pretend like you're not down! Great progressive rock album during it's time. More bands should sound like this.
Of course I'm gonna keep it old school! Was there a doubt? One of the greatest pop-punk acts ever!
I don't understand how all these white collar folks can make million dollar deals all day if they can't drive at barely the speed limit and talk on a cellphone at the same time. Someone explain this to me!
Had an interesting discussion with some respected colleagues about "beef" amongst comics yesterday. It's not really worth it, or professional for that matter. I also found out that a friend of mine was accused of stealing my material, which is ridiculous, and it's something I absolutely do not believe is true, as Tim Dimond doesn't need to steal shit, because he's funny enough on his own!
Focusing on trying to scrounge up hours at work. Hopefully people will get injured and I will be able to work in their stead.
Probably not the greatest idea to play Slipknot over the PA, huh?-BK
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Bobtastic.
Sometimes something crosses the road in front of you while you travel the information superhighway and gives you hope for the future of humanity. (Kids don't need pills or a television. They need to use their brains much more! Thoughts and activity are good!)
Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.
For the first time probably since I moved from Colorado, I spent more than fifty dollars at one time at the grocery store. I didn't even buy much of anything frivolous or expensive, no Dew or candy or chips. I just bought a lot of shit, because prices seem to be mellowing out a tad.
Motherfucker, what are you doing tonight? Yeah? Well fuck that, and come on down to the Smiling Moose! It's always a good time, the drinks are cheap and strong, and there's never a hipster/douche element to deal with.
Here is the flyer for that hosting gig that sort of fell into my lap last week. Although it's not my forte, I do seem to be pretty good at it. I never host anything, so this should be a nice break from the norm, and fun as hell. Judging by the flyer, some mighty creative people are involved, so you should come out, buy me a High Life, and enjoy yourself.
ATTENTION COMEDIANS: If I do not move out of Pittsburgh, I will be actively looking to start a room, probably on Monday or Wednesday nights, most likely in, or in close proximity to, metro Pittsburgh. You have been warned. Prepare yourselves! It's going to be wyld like Bill and Ted!
He said "snoogins" dude.-BK
Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.
For the first time probably since I moved from Colorado, I spent more than fifty dollars at one time at the grocery store. I didn't even buy much of anything frivolous or expensive, no Dew or candy or chips. I just bought a lot of shit, because prices seem to be mellowing out a tad.
Motherfucker, what are you doing tonight? Yeah? Well fuck that, and come on down to the Smiling Moose! It's always a good time, the drinks are cheap and strong, and there's never a hipster/douche element to deal with.
Here is the flyer for that hosting gig that sort of fell into my lap last week. Although it's not my forte, I do seem to be pretty good at it. I never host anything, so this should be a nice break from the norm, and fun as hell. Judging by the flyer, some mighty creative people are involved, so you should come out, buy me a High Life, and enjoy yourself.
ATTENTION COMEDIANS: If I do not move out of Pittsburgh, I will be actively looking to start a room, probably on Monday or Wednesday nights, most likely in, or in close proximity to, metro Pittsburgh. You have been warned. Prepare yourselves! It's going to be wyld like Bill and Ted!
He said "snoogins" dude.-BK
Monday, November 10, 2008
Why you had to leave.
This is easily one of the funniest jokes ever committed to film.
I've been on an Eighties music overload as of late. I mean, I normally listen to it all the time, but lately me and the Eighties have been going super exclusive. We're like Brooke Shields and a pair of Calvins.
I sorta-kinda burned myself with dryer steam yesterday. I often do this with my oven as well. When my dumb ass opens the doors of heat generating things, I tend to "lean in" for some strange, unknown reason. I am amazed I am still alive sometimes.
This whole Minneapolis thing is still very much up in the air. We're back to a 50/50. Certain things must work out. Certain things must fall into place. The future at this point is unknown, I don't feel I'm regressing here, but I'd like to be progressing, comedy-wise, a little quicker, and I can see the top of the plateau in this town.
I think my family, few(by choice) friends and many valued acquaintances sometimes don't realize quite how deadly serious I take my so-called career in comedy. Two years ago, I started telling jokes on the encouragement of a coworker and the need for more intellectual stimuli in my life. It has saved me in many ways I don't want or care to share with you. Suffice to say, comedy is the first and only thing in my life that was ever worth "giving a shot." I am only just beginning. There will be failure, success, mediocrity, and triumph, but this is what I love to do, this is what I live for. Not a phase I'm in, and don't EVER call it a "hobby" of mine. This is the sole passion of, and in, my life to this point. I cancel social outings to do 5 minutes of comedy in front of sparse crowds. I reschedule work to be able to make shows others laugh off. I write. Everyday.
I don't yet aggressively promote myself because I feel I am not yet totally worthy of calling myself a comedian. There is so much for me to learn, so much for me to work on in order to become a stronger, more well-rounded presence on a stage. I am extremely reluctant to throw my "hat" of sorts into the YouTube ring because there is a LOT of shit on YouTube. I'd say 90% of what is produced on YouTube is of poor(to me) quality. Sure, it may make you laugh. You may even email it to your friends, but will you remember it next week? Will you memorize it word for word because you love it so much you've watched it ten times? If I'm not confident you'll do this with my stuff, I'm simply not going through the trouble and stress of producing it. Comedy is one of the few things in my life where perfection is not only desired, but actively sought.
I can make a packed audience laugh for ten minutes and be down on myself for ten days because a thirty second joke I had confidence in bombed. I love comedy dearly, because it's the only thing that's ever made me be hard on myself.
----
Two live cuts from what might quite possibly be my favorite album of all-time from any band or genre, ever. If you love music, you must purchase Adore, by Smashing Pumpkins.
Jesus Christ, just listen to that guitar!
Who doesn't love Bronski Beat? That song is the shit, yo!-BK
I've been on an Eighties music overload as of late. I mean, I normally listen to it all the time, but lately me and the Eighties have been going super exclusive. We're like Brooke Shields and a pair of Calvins.
I sorta-kinda burned myself with dryer steam yesterday. I often do this with my oven as well. When my dumb ass opens the doors of heat generating things, I tend to "lean in" for some strange, unknown reason. I am amazed I am still alive sometimes.
This whole Minneapolis thing is still very much up in the air. We're back to a 50/50. Certain things must work out. Certain things must fall into place. The future at this point is unknown, I don't feel I'm regressing here, but I'd like to be progressing, comedy-wise, a little quicker, and I can see the top of the plateau in this town.
I think my family, few(by choice) friends and many valued acquaintances sometimes don't realize quite how deadly serious I take my so-called career in comedy. Two years ago, I started telling jokes on the encouragement of a coworker and the need for more intellectual stimuli in my life. It has saved me in many ways I don't want or care to share with you. Suffice to say, comedy is the first and only thing in my life that was ever worth "giving a shot." I am only just beginning. There will be failure, success, mediocrity, and triumph, but this is what I love to do, this is what I live for. Not a phase I'm in, and don't EVER call it a "hobby" of mine. This is the sole passion of, and in, my life to this point. I cancel social outings to do 5 minutes of comedy in front of sparse crowds. I reschedule work to be able to make shows others laugh off. I write. Everyday.
I don't yet aggressively promote myself because I feel I am not yet totally worthy of calling myself a comedian. There is so much for me to learn, so much for me to work on in order to become a stronger, more well-rounded presence on a stage. I am extremely reluctant to throw my "hat" of sorts into the YouTube ring because there is a LOT of shit on YouTube. I'd say 90% of what is produced on YouTube is of poor(to me) quality. Sure, it may make you laugh. You may even email it to your friends, but will you remember it next week? Will you memorize it word for word because you love it so much you've watched it ten times? If I'm not confident you'll do this with my stuff, I'm simply not going through the trouble and stress of producing it. Comedy is one of the few things in my life where perfection is not only desired, but actively sought.
I can make a packed audience laugh for ten minutes and be down on myself for ten days because a thirty second joke I had confidence in bombed. I love comedy dearly, because it's the only thing that's ever made me be hard on myself.
----
Two live cuts from what might quite possibly be my favorite album of all-time from any band or genre, ever. If you love music, you must purchase Adore, by Smashing Pumpkins.
Jesus Christ, just listen to that guitar!
Who doesn't love Bronski Beat? That song is the shit, yo!-BK
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Still I can't escape the ghost of you.
After two boxes of "deliberation," I've come to the conclusion that generic Captain Crunch is just as good as regular Captain Crunch.
I had an absolutely horrible back spasm yesterday. I was standing up, and the pain was so intense that I couldn't move for a minute or five. Luckily, I had a full can of beer in my hand that I was able to use to kill the time, and I was facing my computer, which was playing an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It could have been much worse.
I really like this song. It gets me pumped for shows and for my day in general.
Big Sunday of grocery shopping, dish washing, and laundry doing in store for me. I would make a kick ass stay at home mom. I need an empowered, motivated, working woman to help me in this goal. Kids not necessary or wanted, really.
The weather changed back to November weather. I should not have worn shorts to work yesterday. My testicles were most displeased with the decision.
Fucker can sing man!
I've seen tons of comics, famous and not so famous, do bits on chicken and what black people drink. This is Chapelle's bit. He's famous for a reason.
Koala bears probably bite.-BK
I had an absolutely horrible back spasm yesterday. I was standing up, and the pain was so intense that I couldn't move for a minute or five. Luckily, I had a full can of beer in my hand that I was able to use to kill the time, and I was facing my computer, which was playing an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It could have been much worse.
I really like this song. It gets me pumped for shows and for my day in general.
Big Sunday of grocery shopping, dish washing, and laundry doing in store for me. I would make a kick ass stay at home mom. I need an empowered, motivated, working woman to help me in this goal. Kids not necessary or wanted, really.
The weather changed back to November weather. I should not have worn shorts to work yesterday. My testicles were most displeased with the decision.
Fucker can sing man!
I've seen tons of comics, famous and not so famous, do bits on chicken and what black people drink. This is Chapelle's bit. He's famous for a reason.
Koala bears probably bite.-BK
Friday, November 7, 2008
So tired, but alive like Kiss.
Work was one of those absolute cluster fucks yesterday. Luckily for me, I have the ability to filter out everything in my environment except for my specific job duties. I don't care about fucking TPA bags. That ain't my gate.
It was 73 degrees yesterday, in November, in Pittsburgh. Global warming is totally a myth perpetrated by the Left! Totally.
Four shows on the ledger for next week. As a performer, I personally do not differentiate between open mics, unpaid shows I'm asked/invited to be at, or the ultra elusive paid gig. If I'm on the stage and there's an audience, they deserve, and they get, virtually all that I can give. I may "write off" open mic shows, work on new stuff, etc.. but I'm still there to make people laugh, so I always try to throw in a few of my "gold standards."
This is possibly the best frontman ever. I love this because he is having fun. For me, it is very rare to have fun onstage. I'm too focused, too tightly wound. His joy makes me jealous.
Working today. An earlier shift than the norm, which means less rest than the norm. I was sad, and quite surly, until I drank coffee. Coffee is fucking awesome!
I am looking for shows in December. What better way to celebrate the birth of everyone's favorite political ally than to blaspheme His name in smoky bars and half-empty clubs?
You bitches need, and deserve, another helping of Pearl Jam. Life is the bread. Toast that shit, and eat it up!
I found a pair of shoes for ten dollars. They are black, so I bought them. They are a size too big, but I'm only using them to drive to and from work. They spend less than two hours a day on my feet. I can live with them. They should last a long time. A rare wise investment on my part.
Wesley Willis was this crazy street musician that young white people from the suburbs of Chicago adopted as their own, as we often tend to do with things that are urban, but not overtly threatening. I first heard of him like I first heard of a few things I'm into, in Dave Tyler's car. Dave Tyler has a cool older brother.
We used to watch drunk people all around us when we stopped at Rock and Roll McDonald's to eat during nights of epic bicycle-related adventure. I heard they knocked it down and rebuilt it. Meh.
It's Saturday night, and I am sans work duties tomorrow. What to do this evening? If you said, "watch Alien yet again, and get obliterated" you win a prize! The prize? Wouldn't you like to know? Put it this way, I sure hope you have a good therapist. Show up in something tight and black with subtle stripes of red or maroon to claim your prize.
I think if I was obsessed with a girl enough to mail a body part to her, I'd pick my pinky toe, obvious The Big Lebowski influence be damned! No woman is worth more than a toe. I might even consider parting with the nasty semi-disfigured toe merely to impress a girl I hope to just sleep with.
The only chance is taking a chance.-BK
It was 73 degrees yesterday, in November, in Pittsburgh. Global warming is totally a myth perpetrated by the Left! Totally.
Four shows on the ledger for next week. As a performer, I personally do not differentiate between open mics, unpaid shows I'm asked/invited to be at, or the ultra elusive paid gig. If I'm on the stage and there's an audience, they deserve, and they get, virtually all that I can give. I may "write off" open mic shows, work on new stuff, etc.. but I'm still there to make people laugh, so I always try to throw in a few of my "gold standards."
This is possibly the best frontman ever. I love this because he is having fun. For me, it is very rare to have fun onstage. I'm too focused, too tightly wound. His joy makes me jealous.
Working today. An earlier shift than the norm, which means less rest than the norm. I was sad, and quite surly, until I drank coffee. Coffee is fucking awesome!
I am looking for shows in December. What better way to celebrate the birth of everyone's favorite political ally than to blaspheme His name in smoky bars and half-empty clubs?
You bitches need, and deserve, another helping of Pearl Jam. Life is the bread. Toast that shit, and eat it up!
I found a pair of shoes for ten dollars. They are black, so I bought them. They are a size too big, but I'm only using them to drive to and from work. They spend less than two hours a day on my feet. I can live with them. They should last a long time. A rare wise investment on my part.
Wesley Willis was this crazy street musician that young white people from the suburbs of Chicago adopted as their own, as we often tend to do with things that are urban, but not overtly threatening. I first heard of him like I first heard of a few things I'm into, in Dave Tyler's car. Dave Tyler has a cool older brother.
We used to watch drunk people all around us when we stopped at Rock and Roll McDonald's to eat during nights of epic bicycle-related adventure. I heard they knocked it down and rebuilt it. Meh.
It's Saturday night, and I am sans work duties tomorrow. What to do this evening? If you said, "watch Alien yet again, and get obliterated" you win a prize! The prize? Wouldn't you like to know? Put it this way, I sure hope you have a good therapist. Show up in something tight and black with subtle stripes of red or maroon to claim your prize.
I think if I was obsessed with a girl enough to mail a body part to her, I'd pick my pinky toe, obvious The Big Lebowski influence be damned! No woman is worth more than a toe. I might even consider parting with the nasty semi-disfigured toe merely to impress a girl I hope to just sleep with.
The only chance is taking a chance.-BK
All the days you choose to ignore.
So happy I remembered to put out my trash last night. Three weeks of garbage is unsightly, yo.
Just got a gig hosting a variety show next Friday night at Belvedere's. Should be a fun time, come on out for it.
My new Obama joke hit fairly well last night. One supposed giant leap for America, one small step for Ben Kenny's career.
Pearl Jam is the best kind of jam!
Picked up hours for tomorrow, and may pick up hours for Sunday as well. Besides being good to have, money is also sorely needed.
Might not work Sunday though, as I'm in the running to win some Steeler tickets. I will go if I win. We like football a lot here in Pittsburgh you know. In fact, collectively, it might be the only thing keeping us alive.
In case you guys are stuck on what to get me for Xmas, I really like Cracked Pepper and Olive Oil Triscuits. I will buy my own cheese, thanks.
It's a possibility.-BK
Just got a gig hosting a variety show next Friday night at Belvedere's. Should be a fun time, come on out for it.
My new Obama joke hit fairly well last night. One supposed giant leap for America, one small step for Ben Kenny's career.
Pearl Jam is the best kind of jam!
Picked up hours for tomorrow, and may pick up hours for Sunday as well. Besides being good to have, money is also sorely needed.
Might not work Sunday though, as I'm in the running to win some Steeler tickets. I will go if I win. We like football a lot here in Pittsburgh you know. In fact, collectively, it might be the only thing keeping us alive.
In case you guys are stuck on what to get me for Xmas, I really like Cracked Pepper and Olive Oil Triscuits. I will buy my own cheese, thanks.
It's a possibility.-BK
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Do it like this.
Improv contest last night. Ugh.
It's hard to do a strong set, with solid, interesting, varied material and not advance. I'm not saying it's never happened to me before, nor that it won't happen again, and I'm certainly not saying it wasn't entirely my own damn fault, but it's still hard. Two jokes in I knew it wasn't going to happen for me. It wasn't "my" crowd and I knew I wasn't going to win them over in five minutes.
It was kind of aggravating to find out the judging was entirely audience-based, as any legit contest always has judges, i.e. people who really know what they're looking at. I am virtually guaranteed to never truly win a comedy popularity contest, but that's not why I do what I do. I doubt ten people would show up to my funeral, let alone a comedy contest in a city in which I am a virtual ghost. I was told I finished high in the ranks, but it just reiterated the "sucks" of the moment for me. It was a mistake to ask, but I like to suffer to the max if I know I'm going to be hurting.
I know I will dwell on last night for longer than I need to, and I know it's not worth it. I'm going to be headlining clubs and theaters across the country and snorting blow off of the tits of random waitresses in a few years time anyways. Denzel said it best in Training Day: "The shit's chess, it ain't checkers." Fuck it.
I was, however, really excited to see Subah advance, as she is an original and very unique comic who writes at a prolific pace. Ultra funny as well.
I was also ultra stoked on Terry Jones, the host. Terry understands how truly hard one must work to be successful, and he does it. A lot of us talk the talk, but he is one of the few people who walk the walk. When he makes it, which he will, I will be genuinely happy for him.
TWENTY THOUSAND HITS! YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!
-----
Zack and Miri Make a Porno was good for a few heavy laughs, but not much more. The script was nowhere near as good or as fluid as Smith's earlier stuff. Too many characters with zingers instead of fewer characters bringing the fire. Still no Elizabeth Banks titty action though. Very, very, very sad. I did recognize a few places I've been to in the movie, as it was filmed in Pittsburgh. The strip club is Club Erotica.
I only got seven tortillas in a package that said there would be eight. There usually are eight, as I can eat myself four meals on one package. Anyone who only eats one burrito at a time, regardless of toppings or size, is either at a restaurant, on a diet, or weak in character.
There are seven empty cans of High Life next to my bed, and at least as many Kleenex. And no, I didn't come in the Kleenex, they're still there from when I hurt my toe two weeks ago. Purple blood stains abound.
I want to do nothing tonight, but I have to tell some jokes and go dancing.
I will do nothing tomorrow, and most of the weekend, unless I get overtime, which doesn't seem likely.
Old music is so much better than new music. I had to drive around the parking lot for a few extra minutes when this came on.
Pinching pennies for the next two weeks. More than usual. Did you know they want you to have a Bachelor's degree to become a sperm donor? Did you know they want you to do it 2-3 times a week for six months? Masturbation is supposed to be fun!
This holds up to the test of time. Computer graphics are usually dumb and uncalled for anyways. Damn this movie is good!
She's a whore, there's no other way to say it.-BK
It's hard to do a strong set, with solid, interesting, varied material and not advance. I'm not saying it's never happened to me before, nor that it won't happen again, and I'm certainly not saying it wasn't entirely my own damn fault, but it's still hard. Two jokes in I knew it wasn't going to happen for me. It wasn't "my" crowd and I knew I wasn't going to win them over in five minutes.
It was kind of aggravating to find out the judging was entirely audience-based, as any legit contest always has judges, i.e. people who really know what they're looking at. I am virtually guaranteed to never truly win a comedy popularity contest, but that's not why I do what I do. I doubt ten people would show up to my funeral, let alone a comedy contest in a city in which I am a virtual ghost. I was told I finished high in the ranks, but it just reiterated the "sucks" of the moment for me. It was a mistake to ask, but I like to suffer to the max if I know I'm going to be hurting.
I know I will dwell on last night for longer than I need to, and I know it's not worth it. I'm going to be headlining clubs and theaters across the country and snorting blow off of the tits of random waitresses in a few years time anyways. Denzel said it best in Training Day: "The shit's chess, it ain't checkers." Fuck it.
I was, however, really excited to see Subah advance, as she is an original and very unique comic who writes at a prolific pace. Ultra funny as well.
I was also ultra stoked on Terry Jones, the host. Terry understands how truly hard one must work to be successful, and he does it. A lot of us talk the talk, but he is one of the few people who walk the walk. When he makes it, which he will, I will be genuinely happy for him.
TWENTY THOUSAND HITS! YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!
-----
Zack and Miri Make a Porno was good for a few heavy laughs, but not much more. The script was nowhere near as good or as fluid as Smith's earlier stuff. Too many characters with zingers instead of fewer characters bringing the fire. Still no Elizabeth Banks titty action though. Very, very, very sad. I did recognize a few places I've been to in the movie, as it was filmed in Pittsburgh. The strip club is Club Erotica.
I only got seven tortillas in a package that said there would be eight. There usually are eight, as I can eat myself four meals on one package. Anyone who only eats one burrito at a time, regardless of toppings or size, is either at a restaurant, on a diet, or weak in character.
There are seven empty cans of High Life next to my bed, and at least as many Kleenex. And no, I didn't come in the Kleenex, they're still there from when I hurt my toe two weeks ago. Purple blood stains abound.
I want to do nothing tonight, but I have to tell some jokes and go dancing.
I will do nothing tomorrow, and most of the weekend, unless I get overtime, which doesn't seem likely.
Old music is so much better than new music. I had to drive around the parking lot for a few extra minutes when this came on.
Pinching pennies for the next two weeks. More than usual. Did you know they want you to have a Bachelor's degree to become a sperm donor? Did you know they want you to do it 2-3 times a week for six months? Masturbation is supposed to be fun!
This holds up to the test of time. Computer graphics are usually dumb and uncalled for anyways. Damn this movie is good!
She's a whore, there's no other way to say it.-BK
I suppose we can!
The very first song my iTunes decided to play this morning was Jesus Jones' "Right Here, Right Now." I guess Obama had the sentient Mac voter block as well.
I will say, for a second, for a brief, split-second, that watching Obama's speech yesterday did kind of fill me with optimism for the potential of, and the potential in, America.
It's good to have someone/something to kind of sort of believe in again. The work starts in January though, and the first 100 days won't be easy.
I thought McCain showed a world of class in his concession speech. It's rather unfortunate that he was able to show none of it in his campaign. If I were him, I would be doing everything I possibly could to destroy Sarah Palin's career. It's only fair, since she did it to him. If he was ten years younger, he would've made a decent President, even if we don't agree on much.
----
I am going to tear the Improv and her audience a new orifice tonight. I hate the term "tear a new asshole." I mean, come on, who needs a second asshole? I know mine is hard enough to manage alone sometimes.
I will probably head down to the Waterfront, where the Improv is located, early, in order to see the new Kevin Smith movie.
Rent is due, ugh.
After I got home from the bar, I decided to keep drinking, which is not entirely unheard in the fabulous world of Ben Kenny. At three this morning, I was sitting in a hot bath, evergreen-scented candles lit, singing this very loudly.
I am very often "single" in relationship status, but I very rarely actively search for a mate. I think I am somewhat unique in the fact that I can sort of "hibernate" romantically for as long as needed. I don't really get lonely, I'm just one of those people who quite often would rather be left to his own devices. Simpler is better. Numbers complicate the unencumbered life. I'm a like a monk of sorts, but without the cool robes. Maybe I should get myself some robes. Maybe that's the secret. All I know is that I will never be married, never willingly have children, and never "settle." Too much fun to have out there for me to have. There is nothing wrong with the "normal" life, but I'm not "normal" for fuck's sake!
Shaving my head again in December. So looking forward to it.
Lee is hilarious.
ooh la la from krullbeast on Vimeo.
I really need to clean my place. Work pants litter the floor like flag-draped caskets in a cargo plane.
I need to go out into the world and make something of myself, but I'm happy with myself the way I am, so why do I feel the burning need to "make something" of me? Fuck!
I can't believe I was in a dive bar in Pittsburgh when this happened. That's some story for the youth of the future.-BK
I will say, for a second, for a brief, split-second, that watching Obama's speech yesterday did kind of fill me with optimism for the potential of, and the potential in, America.
It's good to have someone/something to kind of sort of believe in again. The work starts in January though, and the first 100 days won't be easy.
I thought McCain showed a world of class in his concession speech. It's rather unfortunate that he was able to show none of it in his campaign. If I were him, I would be doing everything I possibly could to destroy Sarah Palin's career. It's only fair, since she did it to him. If he was ten years younger, he would've made a decent President, even if we don't agree on much.
----
I am going to tear the Improv and her audience a new orifice tonight. I hate the term "tear a new asshole." I mean, come on, who needs a second asshole? I know mine is hard enough to manage alone sometimes.
I will probably head down to the Waterfront, where the Improv is located, early, in order to see the new Kevin Smith movie.
Rent is due, ugh.
After I got home from the bar, I decided to keep drinking, which is not entirely unheard in the fabulous world of Ben Kenny. At three this morning, I was sitting in a hot bath, evergreen-scented candles lit, singing this very loudly.
I am very often "single" in relationship status, but I very rarely actively search for a mate. I think I am somewhat unique in the fact that I can sort of "hibernate" romantically for as long as needed. I don't really get lonely, I'm just one of those people who quite often would rather be left to his own devices. Simpler is better. Numbers complicate the unencumbered life. I'm a like a monk of sorts, but without the cool robes. Maybe I should get myself some robes. Maybe that's the secret. All I know is that I will never be married, never willingly have children, and never "settle." Too much fun to have out there for me to have. There is nothing wrong with the "normal" life, but I'm not "normal" for fuck's sake!
Shaving my head again in December. So looking forward to it.
Lee is hilarious.
ooh la la from krullbeast on Vimeo.
I really need to clean my place. Work pants litter the floor like flag-draped caskets in a cargo plane.
I need to go out into the world and make something of myself, but I'm happy with myself the way I am, so why do I feel the burning need to "make something" of me? Fuck!
I can't believe I was in a dive bar in Pittsburgh when this happened. That's some story for the youth of the future.-BK
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Bling city.
I arrived at my local polling place at 7:15 this morning. The place was crowded, which must mean people care about this election, but if we really cared as a nation, we'd ALWAYS pack the polls. If we did, maybe we wouldn't find ourselves in such a shitty situation right now!
I waited half an hour to vote, and after voting, felt exactly the same as I did before voting. The only change I'll be seeing this election is the free cup of coffee I'll be getting from Starbucks later. No matter who wins, the American people are doomed, forced to endure many more years of typical politics and corporate influence in Washington. Third parties are gaining in legitimacy because they make sense folks. Go Libertarian if you want my opinion on things, although even the chosen Libertarian candidate is a colossal piece of shit.
I'm kind of pissed that I didn't even get an "I Voted!" sticker this time. I cast my ballot for Ron Paul as a write-in, and I'm going to sleep very well tonight. All in all, I am as happy as I can be about Obama's success, but I still see "more of the same" when I look at him and hear him speak. I hope he proves me wrong with all my heart, but my brain is sarcastically smirking with it's proverbial arms crossed right now.
I might have something fun and different from the norm in the works for next Friday. Hope it works out. I will let you know.
The show tonight is NOT cancelled.
Tomorrow, you should drag your ass out to the Improv and support me in the contest. It's only ten dollars(with mention of my name!), and I'll be fucking hilarious, as I always am. I make no claims or guarantees for the other competitors. Some may be funny, some may be so-so, and some will most assuredly be totally horrible. I just want my fuckin' pictures.
This was playing on my CD player after I came out of the school where I voted. It will now forever be associated with this election for me, and I'm not sure I like it.
Sarah Connor was pretty good last night. I think it holds my interest because it is attempting to add basic humanity to the Terminator characters. Whether they are good or bad, you can see them faced with internal struggles and forced to make decisions they haven't previously made in the films. It's pretty cool. Plus, Shirley Manson is fucking smoking hot!
It is unusually warm for this time of year, this week, at least. I'll take what I can get, yo.
The self discipline required to ride flatland is not fathomable to most people, and too scary even for the few who can understand it. This is half of one percent of all people who ride bikes for fun. This is hard beyond words.
[untitled] from briantunney on Vimeo.
One benefit of the commute is the time to be alone and just pick away at my nose. Both nostrils, no fear.
I've brought my peacoat out for the winter. It's like an old friend, even though this is only the second winter I will have owned this particular peacoat. I really like peacoats, ok!?
I don't understand how he can wear leather and not sweat to death. I mean, I'm not nearly as fat as him(give me time!), but I sweat like a hog onstage, and I don't do hour long shows.
And that's that.
You don't honestly believe that, do you?-BK
I waited half an hour to vote, and after voting, felt exactly the same as I did before voting. The only change I'll be seeing this election is the free cup of coffee I'll be getting from Starbucks later. No matter who wins, the American people are doomed, forced to endure many more years of typical politics and corporate influence in Washington. Third parties are gaining in legitimacy because they make sense folks. Go Libertarian if you want my opinion on things, although even the chosen Libertarian candidate is a colossal piece of shit.
I'm kind of pissed that I didn't even get an "I Voted!" sticker this time. I cast my ballot for Ron Paul as a write-in, and I'm going to sleep very well tonight. All in all, I am as happy as I can be about Obama's success, but I still see "more of the same" when I look at him and hear him speak. I hope he proves me wrong with all my heart, but my brain is sarcastically smirking with it's proverbial arms crossed right now.
I might have something fun and different from the norm in the works for next Friday. Hope it works out. I will let you know.
The show tonight is NOT cancelled.
Tomorrow, you should drag your ass out to the Improv and support me in the contest. It's only ten dollars(with mention of my name!), and I'll be fucking hilarious, as I always am. I make no claims or guarantees for the other competitors. Some may be funny, some may be so-so, and some will most assuredly be totally horrible. I just want my fuckin' pictures.
This was playing on my CD player after I came out of the school where I voted. It will now forever be associated with this election for me, and I'm not sure I like it.
Sarah Connor was pretty good last night. I think it holds my interest because it is attempting to add basic humanity to the Terminator characters. Whether they are good or bad, you can see them faced with internal struggles and forced to make decisions they haven't previously made in the films. It's pretty cool. Plus, Shirley Manson is fucking smoking hot!
It is unusually warm for this time of year, this week, at least. I'll take what I can get, yo.
The self discipline required to ride flatland is not fathomable to most people, and too scary even for the few who can understand it. This is half of one percent of all people who ride bikes for fun. This is hard beyond words.
[untitled] from briantunney on Vimeo.
One benefit of the commute is the time to be alone and just pick away at my nose. Both nostrils, no fear.
I've brought my peacoat out for the winter. It's like an old friend, even though this is only the second winter I will have owned this particular peacoat. I really like peacoats, ok!?
I don't understand how he can wear leather and not sweat to death. I mean, I'm not nearly as fat as him(give me time!), but I sweat like a hog onstage, and I don't do hour long shows.
And that's that.
You don't honestly believe that, do you?-BK
Monday, November 3, 2008
I am not a fan.
The concert last night was... trying. The poster said the doors opened at four, leading me to assume, using my years of concert-going knowledge, that the band everyone paid to see would be going on around 7:30 or so. I showed up at six, hoping that the opening acts would be onstage. I am right virtually all of the time, but boy oh boy was I ever wrong on this one! Seemingly every cookie cutter "metal" band in the tri-state area was on this bill, and virtually all of them were not very good and/or original sounding. I was actually getting bored, but couldn't get drunk, as four dollar beers from the UFC wannabe bartenders would only have turned my boredom into full-on rage. Finally, around midnight, Mushroomhead took the stage. As always, they did not dissapoint. Mushroomhead may not have a corporate label or a big budget to work with, but they play with more heart and sheer force of will than many bands I've seen. I have never been dissapointed in their show. I actually wish I had bought a t-shirt. You guys know I don't like t-shirts with logos, but I'd rep this band, yo.
Speaking of shows, I've got three this week alone, starting with Pittsburgh's best and only place to see alternative comedy, The Smiling Moose, tomorrow night. You gotta work hard for your future. No surrender!
So yeah, driving in rush hour traffic both ways sucks. I'm going back to working "balls early" in the morning again next month.
I will be in Chicago for and around Thanksgiving, not quite sure of the dates/days yet. It might be just for one day, as I have the Slapsticks! Final Round to contend with on the day after Thanksgiving. It's going to rock.
For the first time in a long time, I have beer in my fridge. I've just sort of been staring at it, right there in front of me, on the door, as I reach in for burrito fixings. Perhaps I will pop a top or two tonight while Sarah Connor is on.
I've been big into watching shows on Hulu.com lately. If you've never seen the "Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life," episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, you've simply got to. I've never laughed so hard over the entire course of a 23 minute show.
My toe is pretty much recovered at this point, but it still looks really bad. But, because I am not allowed to win in this life, I have blisters on two other toes from limping heavily for a week and a half.
I should probably see the new Kevin Smith movie at some point. Maybe Friday or Saturday.
Shit's weak. NOT!
Do I have a video camera, or do I have a 550 dollar paperweight? I can never tell. Christ. I don't do many film things because of the epic amount of shit on the internet. I like my shit in the flesh, so to speak.
I went running yesterday. One mile. I do not like running. I do not like running one little bit. Fuck running.
What!?
You know you're getting older when you scold yourself for not wearing shows with better insoles when you knew you were going to have to stand on a hard floor for a few hours.
Cut down the trees for a better view.-BK
Speaking of shows, I've got three this week alone, starting with Pittsburgh's best and only place to see alternative comedy, The Smiling Moose, tomorrow night. You gotta work hard for your future. No surrender!
So yeah, driving in rush hour traffic both ways sucks. I'm going back to working "balls early" in the morning again next month.
I will be in Chicago for and around Thanksgiving, not quite sure of the dates/days yet. It might be just for one day, as I have the Slapsticks! Final Round to contend with on the day after Thanksgiving. It's going to rock.
For the first time in a long time, I have beer in my fridge. I've just sort of been staring at it, right there in front of me, on the door, as I reach in for burrito fixings. Perhaps I will pop a top or two tonight while Sarah Connor is on.
I've been big into watching shows on Hulu.com lately. If you've never seen the "Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life," episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, you've simply got to. I've never laughed so hard over the entire course of a 23 minute show.
My toe is pretty much recovered at this point, but it still looks really bad. But, because I am not allowed to win in this life, I have blisters on two other toes from limping heavily for a week and a half.
I should probably see the new Kevin Smith movie at some point. Maybe Friday or Saturday.
Shit's weak. NOT!
Do I have a video camera, or do I have a 550 dollar paperweight? I can never tell. Christ. I don't do many film things because of the epic amount of shit on the internet. I like my shit in the flesh, so to speak.
I went running yesterday. One mile. I do not like running. I do not like running one little bit. Fuck running.
What!?
You know you're getting older when you scold yourself for not wearing shows with better insoles when you knew you were going to have to stand on a hard floor for a few hours.
Cut down the trees for a better view.-BK
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Pants party.
Louis CK is the shining light in comedy.
Hey, did you guys know that more than two people are running for President?!!? Chances are, one of these people's views better matches your own, and, depending on the state you live in, you may actually be able to cast a vote for them. Here are some of them:
(If Obama is projected to carry your state by a comfortable margin, as he is in Pennsylvania, I heartily recommend a write-in vote for Dr. Ron Paul.)
Ralph Nader Bob Barr Chuck Baldwin Roger Calero Alan Keyes Gloria La Riva Charles Jay Cynthia McKinney
It is also IMPERATIVE that you vote for politicians and other ballot issues that directly affect your town! Election day happens every year, sometimes even more than once folks! Obama is not going to make your bus run on time, your drink tax lower, or your streets cleaner/safer. That happens locally, bitch. Get educated and vote.
------
When they have to turn off the hockey game in order for you to do a show, you know things aren't going to go well. Thankfully, I was just opening, so I went out, did my time, and left. Best not to dwell on it.
Had an awesome time at the party last night. Cool costumes. In fact, I don't remember seeing even one store-bought costume. Definitely a creative crowd, and new friends were made. More importantly, four people who saw me on Tuesday night told me, in separate conversations, that I was their favorite comic of the evening. That is a good feeling. That is a great feeling. That is the best feeling. Validation rules!
My hands have begun their annual, inevitable, unstoppable, yearly winter skin cracking. Cracked fingers are no fun when you have to clench and unclench your hands hundreds of times in an eight hour shift. There will be blood. There will be New Skin, and in lieu of that, superglue.
I'm looking forward to Mushroomhead tonight.
There is a new room debuting at The St. James Place Tavern on Pittsburgh's Southside Thursday night. It's run by a local comedy crew who are leaving their YouTube editing chambers to put it on. Should be good. I mean, I'll be there and everything, so show up!
"Little hand says it's time to rock and roll." Point Break is one of those movies that finds it's way into your heart and just stays there. I will defend it to the death. The soundtrack alone is worth it...
Here's a clip from Red Dawn, just because Swayze rules so hard.
These streets make no sense!-BK
Hey, did you guys know that more than two people are running for President?!!? Chances are, one of these people's views better matches your own, and, depending on the state you live in, you may actually be able to cast a vote for them. Here are some of them:
(If Obama is projected to carry your state by a comfortable margin, as he is in Pennsylvania, I heartily recommend a write-in vote for Dr. Ron Paul.)
Ralph Nader Bob Barr Chuck Baldwin Roger Calero Alan Keyes Gloria La Riva Charles Jay Cynthia McKinney
It is also IMPERATIVE that you vote for politicians and other ballot issues that directly affect your town! Election day happens every year, sometimes even more than once folks! Obama is not going to make your bus run on time, your drink tax lower, or your streets cleaner/safer. That happens locally, bitch. Get educated and vote.
------
When they have to turn off the hockey game in order for you to do a show, you know things aren't going to go well. Thankfully, I was just opening, so I went out, did my time, and left. Best not to dwell on it.
Had an awesome time at the party last night. Cool costumes. In fact, I don't remember seeing even one store-bought costume. Definitely a creative crowd, and new friends were made. More importantly, four people who saw me on Tuesday night told me, in separate conversations, that I was their favorite comic of the evening. That is a good feeling. That is a great feeling. That is the best feeling. Validation rules!
My hands have begun their annual, inevitable, unstoppable, yearly winter skin cracking. Cracked fingers are no fun when you have to clench and unclench your hands hundreds of times in an eight hour shift. There will be blood. There will be New Skin, and in lieu of that, superglue.
I'm looking forward to Mushroomhead tonight.
There is a new room debuting at The St. James Place Tavern on Pittsburgh's Southside Thursday night. It's run by a local comedy crew who are leaving their YouTube editing chambers to put it on. Should be good. I mean, I'll be there and everything, so show up!
"Little hand says it's time to rock and roll." Point Break is one of those movies that finds it's way into your heart and just stays there. I will defend it to the death. The soundtrack alone is worth it...
Here's a clip from Red Dawn, just because Swayze rules so hard.
These streets make no sense!-BK
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