Do it like this.

Improv contest last night. Ugh.

It's hard to do a strong set, with solid, interesting, varied material and not advance. I'm not saying it's never happened to me before, nor that it won't happen again, and I'm certainly not saying it wasn't entirely my own damn fault, but it's still hard. Two jokes in I knew it wasn't going to happen for me. It wasn't "my" crowd and I knew I wasn't going to win them over in five minutes.

It was kind of aggravating to find out the judging was entirely audience-based, as any legit contest always has judges, i.e. people who really know what they're looking at. I am virtually guaranteed to never truly win a comedy popularity contest, but that's not why I do what I do. I doubt ten people would show up to my funeral, let alone a comedy contest in a city in which I am a virtual ghost. I was told I finished high in the ranks, but it just reiterated the "sucks" of the moment for me. It was a mistake to ask, but I like to suffer to the max if I know I'm going to be hurting.

I know I will dwell on last night for longer than I need to, and I know it's not worth it. I'm going to be headlining clubs and theaters across the country and snorting blow off of the tits of random waitresses in a few years time anyways. Denzel said it best in Training Day: "The shit's chess, it ain't checkers." Fuck it.

I was, however, really excited to see Subah advance, as she is an original and very unique comic who writes at a prolific pace. Ultra funny as well.

I was also ultra stoked on Terry Jones, the host. Terry understands how truly hard one must work to be successful, and he does it. A lot of us talk the talk, but he is one of the few people who walk the walk. When he makes it, which he will, I will be genuinely happy for him.

TWENTY THOUSAND HITS! YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!


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Zack and Miri Make a Porno was good for a few heavy laughs, but not much more. The script was nowhere near as good or as fluid as Smith's earlier stuff. Too many characters with zingers instead of fewer characters bringing the fire. Still no Elizabeth Banks titty action though. Very, very, very sad. I did recognize a few places I've been to in the movie, as it was filmed in Pittsburgh. The strip club is Club Erotica.

I only got seven tortillas in a package that said there would be eight. There usually are eight, as I can eat myself four meals on one package. Anyone who only eats one burrito at a time, regardless of toppings or size, is either at a restaurant, on a diet, or weak in character.

There are seven empty cans of High Life next to my bed, and at least as many Kleenex. And no, I didn't come in the Kleenex, they're still there from when I hurt my toe two weeks ago. Purple blood stains abound.

I want to do nothing tonight, but I have to tell some jokes and go dancing.

I will do nothing tomorrow, and most of the weekend, unless I get overtime, which doesn't seem likely.

Old music is so much better than new music. I had to drive around the parking lot for a few extra minutes when this came on.


Pinching pennies for the next two weeks. More than usual. Did you know they want you to have a Bachelor's degree to become a sperm donor? Did you know they want you to do it 2-3 times a week for six months? Masturbation is supposed to be fun!

This holds up to the test of time. Computer graphics are usually dumb and uncalled for anyways. Damn this movie is good!


She's a whore, there's no other way to say it.-BK