Saturday, November 29, 2008

Hysteria when you're near.

I think the worst part of losing an arm would most definitely be having to have all of your long-sleeved shirts altered, or maybe the phantom feelings and extreme pain. Obviously, you couldn't even do it on your own. You'd need to ask for help, which would make people pity you more than they already do, which would make you drink more than you're already drinking daily to cope with the trauma of losing your arm. If you can avoid it, don't lose your arm. It's best for all involved in your life. However, if you have an amputation fetish, by all means go for it. I'm not here to hold people down. Unless you needed me to actually hold you down while you were having the appendage amputated. I'm a good friend like that, but remember, I can't help you sew, because I am extremely manly.


I'm watching a shitload of these vids, and I think that tour would have been mind blowing to see live! Twenty years too late. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I was born twenty years too late. Fuck Fall Out Boy!

Please note: If you call Def Leppard a "hair band" within earshot of Ben Kenny, you risk serious injury, death, or, more likely, a stern talking to and early bedtime.

Double shifts two days in a row. Non-drinking appearance at a party in between. Straight to another party tonight, maybe. I'm writing this from the airport at 5 AM. As was pointed out to me, folks are betting on when my streak of daily posts will be broken. Unlike my physique, it impresses many people.

Say you're on "holiday" in India. It's hot as balls, it smells funny, and there's no beef to be had, but other than that, you're having a great time. All of the sudden, an International Incident happens at your hotel(s), Jewish boarding house, corner cafe, or transit station. Say you're holed up somewhere, nervous for the lives of yourself and your family. You get a phone call, telling you to stay put, Indian Commandos are on the way. If I was in that situation, I would get the fuck out immediately! The words "Indian" and "Commando" have about as much business being together as "Bush" and "Presidency." I could not imagine a Bollywood version of Delta Force, but I'd sure as shit pay a lot of money to watch it! (Who would play Chuck Norris, and more importantly, could you even imagine an Indian Lee Marvin? FUCKING AWESOME!!!!) Nothing against Indians or their military, but, I mean, essentially, OH COME ON! Call in the Brits or the Americans. We do violence quite well, and with panache. It's our "thang."

Some poor(literally) Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death yesterday. That's a horrible way to go, no doubt about it. A wave of obese housewives charging toward you at 5 AM would make any man visibly afraid, if not totally incoherent. He was simply stunned and knocked to the ground. He had no chance, no hope, and no options. Bummer, yo.

I think this is very, very, very cool.


The worst part of not getting "home" for Thanksgiving was not be able to see my dog, Otis. Apparently, he's "starting to lose it" as he now likes to bark at my parents and random noises for twenty minutes at a time in the middle of the night. He's fourteen. In people years. That's old.

I desperately want my life to stabilize enough to own a dog again. I'm thinking cattle/sheep dog or a Heeler, but Labs are always in the running as well.

Timeless. Like her breasts, but very unlike her face.


Italians do it more "stereotypicallyer." Fuck you, I don't know what I mean by that either!

Under my umbrella? Ella, ella, ella?-BK

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